Crucial Festivus Shailos

Festivus, 2013

Photo Credit: DRosenbach

Dear Admo"r Shlit"a from Kalashnikov,

I have some pressing Festivus Shailos to ask you. Please get back to me ASAP, as I only have a couple of hours. before Festivus goes out here in Israel.

1. Tonight I had Saigon Chicken at Sushi Rechavia, instead of the traditional Paellla, and without proper kevanna. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually forgot that it was December 23, and thus Festivus. Must I repeat the se'udah?

2. I was nice to everyone at dinner. I completely forgot to air my grievances with them. May I e-mail them b'di'avad, or must I call them now, and scream into the phone? Or, should I be mahmir, and go over to their houses personally?

3. Should I perform the feats of strength, even it disturbs the neighbors? Must I try to pin my roommate to the ground, since he is the lease holder, making him the defacto ba'al habayith, even if it means that kicks me out on my tuchus tomorrow?

4. I regret that I did not erect the Festivus Pole this year either. Maybe if I had, I would have remembered that it was Festivus, and I would not be in this current predicament. My Sukkah lights, which I finally took down Erev Shabbos, are in a pile stuffed away under the coffee table in the living room, and are not turned on, nor even  plugged in. Do they count anyway, b'di'avad?

5. Am I allowed to accept donations to the Human Fund (me) tomorrow, or is tonight my only possibility to do so?

Thank you for getting back to me.

It's Festivus for the rest of us!

Esser Agaroth (2¢)