האם שמעתם את הבדיחה על המסגד בארה״ב? / Have You Heard the One about the Mosque in Dearborn, Michigan?

כ״ח לחודש השמיני תשפ״ו

English follows the Hebrew.

פוקס ניוז: ראש עיריית דירבורן המוסלמי מתייחס לתלונות התושבים על קריאת התפילה במסגד (מתורגם)
ראש העיר עבדאללה חמוד אמר שעומת הקול "אינן בעיה" למרות תלונות התושבים בישיבות מועצת העיר
לינדזי קורניק, פוקס ניוז, 17.11.2025

פקודת העיר קובעת כי רעש באזורי מגורים לא יכול לעלות על 55 דציבלים בלילה (אחרי 22:00) או 60 דציבלים במהלך היום (7:00 עד 22:00). רמקולים אסורים בין השעות 22:00 ל-7:00.

חמוד אמר גם שרוב המסגדים בעיר אינם מבצעים קריאה לתפילה ב"פאג'ר" או עם שחר והשווה את הצליל לפעמוני כנסייה...

...תושבת דירבורן, אנדראה אונגר, המתגוררת בעיר כבר 40 שנה, סיפרה לפוקס ניוז דיגיטל בחודש שעבר כי הקליטה את הקריאה לתפילה במשך 30 ימים רצופים ומצאה שהיא עולה באופן עקבי על 70 דציבלים. היא אמרה שהעלתה חששות בפני משטרת העיר ובפני מועצת העיר בשנתיים האחרונות, אך הבעיה נמשכה...

עשר אגורות (2¢):
כאן בארץ, המחלוקת הזו קיימת כבר הרבה זמן. או שהיהודים ש ביפו צריכים לסבול מהקריאה לתפילה, בעוד שהיהודים בצפון תל אביב יכולים להצהיר "לא בשכונה שלנו!" או שהערבים שבכפרים מגבירים את עוצמת הקול ליד ישובים יהודיים ביהודה ושומרון, כאילו זה אמור לשכנע להם לעזוב.

אבל מי יודע? אולי המוסלמים האלה בארה״ב ישנו את השיטה שלהם ויתחס לציבור הלא מוסלמי בעדינות יותר כדי לנסות לשכנע את השכנים לבקר את הבית של "דת השלום", ולאיסלם הזדמנות. שיטה כזו כמו רב שמזמין יהודי חילוני לארוחת שבת למען קירוב לתורה (להבדיל).

בהצלחה.

ואז יש זה...

YNET: סוכלה מתקפת טרור בהאלווין: סוכני FBI פשטו על "בירת הג'יהאד של אמריקה"
בהשראת דאעש: בשיחות בחדרי צ'אט, שאליהם נכנס סוכן סמוי, קודמה מזימת טרור. לאחר שנוכחים בשיחות הלכו למטווח עם קלצ'ניקובים, ירו והזכירו את "יום הדלעת", פתח ה-FBI במעצרים - גם בעיר עם שיעור המוסלמים הגבוה בארה"ב
סוכנויות הידיעות | 01.11.25

יהודים יקרים, אתם עדיין רוצים להשאר במישיגן? אתם עדיין חושבים ששווה להלחם על בתיכם שם?

יש בדיחה ישנה על מישיגן. איך קוראים לרבי מלנסינג (עיר הבירה של מישיגן)?

די משיגענער רבי. אידיש: הרב המשוגע.

שווה להלחם למען שליטה בארץ ישראל. בסופו של דבר, ארץ ישראל היא מולדתו של עם ישראל, ולא מישיגן.

המרכז האיסלמי של אמריקה, דירבורן, משיגן
Islamic Center of America, Dearborn, Michigan

אגודה מוסלמית אמריקאית, דירבורן, משיגן

מרכזים מוסלמיים בדירבורן, מישיגן, ארה״ב
Muslim Centers of Dearborn, Michigan

Fox News: Muslim Dearborn mayor weighs in on residents' complaints about mosque's call to prayer
Mayor Abdullah Hammoud said its noise levels were 'not an issue' despite residents' complaints at city council meetings
Lindsay Kornick Fox News, November 17, 2025

The city ordinance states that noise in residential areas cannot exceed 55 decibels at night (after 10 p.m.) or 60 decibels during the day (7 a.m. to 10 p.m.). Loudspeakers are prohibited between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Hammoud also said that most mosques in the city do not make a call to prayer at "Fajr" or dawn and compared the sound to church bells...

...Dearborn resident Andrea Unger, who has lived in the city for 40 years, told Fox News Digital last month that she had recorded the call to prayer for 30 consecutive days and found it consistently exceeded 70 decibels. She said she raised concerns with the police department and city council for the past two years, but the problem continued...

Esser Agaroth (2¢):
Here in Israel, this is issue had been going on since forever. Either the Jews must suffer from the call to prayer in Yaffo, while the Jews in North Tel-Aviv get to say "not in my neighborhood!" or they pump up the volume next to Jewish towns in Judea and Samaria, as if that'll force them to move.

Note: It was not clear which mosque was being accused at this Council meeting.

But who knows? Maybe these Muslims will take a different, gentler approach to try to convince you to check out the "religion of peace," and give it a chance, something like a rabbi inviting a secular Jew to dinner (lehavdil) or a Christian inviting a new friend from work to a church picnic (double lehavdil).

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Then, of course, there's this...

YNET: Nightmare on Halloween averted: FBI foils ISIS-inspired Michigan terror plan
Agents raided homes in Dearborn and nearby Inkster, arresting two suspects and detaining three others in what the FBI called the foiling of an ISIS-inspired Halloween weekend terror plot promoted in online chat rooms
11.01.25

Jews, still want to stick around Michigan? Still think it's worth fighting for?

There is an old joke about Michigan. What do you call the Rebbe (Grand Rabbi) of Lansing (Michigan's capital)?

The Mishiginer Rebbe.

Mishiginer (sometimes mishugener) means crazy (adj.) in Yiddish.

Now the Land of Israel is worth fighting for. After all, it is the Jewish Homeland, not Michigan.

אנו צריכים יותר כנסים על אנטישמיות! / We Need More Conferences on Anti-Semitism!

ה׳ לחודש הראשון תשפ״ה

English follows the Hebrew.

עשר אגורות (2¢):
המלים למטה נכתבו ברשתות החברתיות, ולאחר מכן הועברו ממקום למקום.

אני מבין את הלעג של הקטע. אני גם מעריך את הנקודה שאני מאמין מאל מנסה להגיד לנו:

כנסים לא עושים כלום.

... מלבד, כמובן, להגדיל אגוים ולהשיג פרסומות, שניתן לנצל אותם כדי להרוויח כסף מכאב הלב של עם ישראל.

ברצינות הבעיות העיקריות בשנאת יהודים (שנאת ישראל) - ביטוי הרבה יותר מדויק מאניטישמיות - אינן משרוב היהודים רוצים להתמודד איתן.

יהודים שוכחים שעשיו שונא ליעקב. זה פשוט לא ישתנה. לפי המלבי"ם עשיו היום הוא המערב.

אנחנו היהודים מודאגים יותר מדעות עלינו של הגוים ממה שאנו חושבים על עצמנו. ומה עם מה הקב״ה חושב עלינו? אכפת לנו? אני מאמין שאנו חיים במצב של תלות שיתופית קבוצתית... בגוים.

אם יהודים באמת רוצים לקבל כבוד, ושהגוים מתיחסים אלינו ברצינות, עלינו לזכור שאנשים מכבדים את מי שמכבד את עצמו.

ליהודים שרודפים אחר אהבה וקבלה מהגוים, אין הרבה כבוד עצמי, אם בכלל, בין הימנים שרוצים את זה מהנוצרים האוונגליסטים ומחברי הסכמי אברהם ערבים, ובין השמאלנים שרוצים את זה מהערבים סוג ב׳ בעולם הערבי, ערבי האיסלאם הקיצוני ואירופים פרוגרסיבים.

האם לצרפתים אכפת מדעות עליהם של הגרמנים או הבריטים? האם לרוסים אכפת מדעות עליהם של האמריקאים? האם לסינים אכפת מדעות עליהם של כל האומות? האם לסינים אכפת ממה שמישהו חושב עליהם?

בכלל לא.

עלינו להיות עם, נפרד וומבדל מכל העמים האחרים. עד מתי נתחיל לנהוג ככה?

הרב מאיר כהנא הי"ד לימד שאנחנו מנסים להתנהג כמו הגוים מאז שהתגוררנו בספרד שלפני האינקוויזיציה. מעולם לא מצליחים באמצעות שיטה זו. אז, הגיע הזמן להתחיל להתנהג כמו יהודים. איך אנחנו יודעים איך לעשות את זה? התורה.

אישית, אני מאמין שמצב עם ישראל ככה הרבה לפני שהיינו בספרד. למרות זאת, הננו, יותר מ-500 שנים לאחר גירושנו מספרד. מה השתנה לנו מאז באמת?

אנחנו עדיין לובשים בגדים לא יהודיים, חליפות בסגנון צרפתי במקור, עניבות בסגנון קרואטי במקור וחובשים כובעים אירופאים. חלקנו חובשים כיפות סמליות ולובשים בגד תחתון עם ציציות (במדבר טו,לח-מא).

לבוש תימני ולבוש חסידי וירושלמי קרוב ככל הנראה לכל דבר יהודי אמיתי. נראה כי לבוש יהודי אמיתי אינו הראשון ברשימת דברים חשובים של היהודים בימינו, גם בארץ וגם בגולה.

השפה העברית שלנו שניצלה ממוות אם כי לא בצורה מושלמת - מכניסה מילים לועזיות, בעיקר מאנגלית, באופן מעריכי לפחות ב-20 השנים האחרונות. עברית המדוברת ואפילו הכתובה כמעט ואינה ניתנת לזיהוי.

הממשלה ממשיכה להדגיש את חשיבות החינוך בשפה האנגלית, על פני זה של התורה, שזוכה רק למס שפתיים. גם מספר השלטים באנגלית הולך וגדל, מה שהופך את תל אביב ואפילו ירושלים לבלתי ניתנות לזיהוי. למה? לעזור לתיירים? לעזור לעולים חדשים?

לֹא! אלא כדי להפוך את עצמנו למקובלים יותר ולקשורים לעולם המערבי הלא יהודי. ואז אולי הגוים יאהבו ויקבלו אותנו!

מאל צודק ולא רק על כנסים אלא גם צודק בשימוש בלעג. אנחנו פשוט לא קולטים את זה. לא רק כנסים הם בזבוז אלא גם בניסיונות להשיג את אהבתם וקבלה של הגוים, כלומר באמצעות מה שנקרא הסברה. אני מתשווץ כשאני חושב על זה.

במקום זאת, עלינו להתאמץ לשפר את הכבוד העצמי שלנו, הקשר שלנו למורשתנו העשירה, ולהקב״ה שעשה, וממשיך לעשות, לנו את הכל.

הבעיה העיקרית באנטישמיות היא שלא היו מספיק כנסים העוסקים בה. אם רק היה יותר תקציב ליותר כנסים, אז האנטישמיות בהחלט הייתה תחת שליטה. - דניאל מאל
@TheMaelMail

Esser Agaroth (2¢):
This was posted on social media, and subsequently got forwarded around.

Yeah. I get the sarcasm. I also appreciate the point I believe that Mael is trying to make here:

Conferences don't do anything.

...except, of course, enlarge egos and gain publicity, that can be exploited to make money off of the Jewish People's heartache.

But seriously the main problems with Jew-hatred -- much better term, in my opinion -- is not something most Jews actually want to deal with.

Jews forget that עשיו שונא ליעקב Esau (Malbim: The West) hates Jacob (Israel). That is simply not going to change.

We Jews are more concerned about what others think of us, than what they think of themselves, let alone what The Almighty thinks of us. I believe this to be a form of collective co-dependency... on non-Jews.

If Jews really want respect, and to be taken seriously, by non-Jews, we should remember that people respect those who respect themselves.

Jews, who run after love and validation from non-Jews, do not have much, if any, self-respect, whether they are right-wing and want it from Evangelical Christians and Arab business opportunists such as members of the Abraham Accords, or left-wing and want it from downtrodden Arabs, radical Islamists, and progressive Europeans.

Do the French care about what the Germans or British think of them? Do the Russians care about what the Americans think of them? Do the Chinese care about what the Germans or British think of them? Do the Chinese care about what anyone thinks of them?

No. They do not.

We are to be nation, separate and distinct from all other nations. When are we going to start acting like it?

Rabbi Meir Kahane hy"d said that we have been trying to act like the non-Jews, even since residing in pre-Inquisition Spain. It has never worked for us. So, it is time we started acting like Jews. How do we know how to do that? The Torah.

Personally, I believe this has been the case for the Jewish People, long before Spain. Nevertheless, here we are, over 500 years after the expulsion from Spain. What has really changed since then?

We still wear non-Jewish clothing, originally French style suits, Croatian style ties, and European hats. Some of us of wear symbolic kippoth, and an undergarment with tzitziyoth (Num. 15:38-41).

Yemenite and Jerusalem Hassidic clothing probably come closest to anything authentically Jewish. Authentically Jewish clothing does not seem to be the first priority to Jews of today, both in and outside of Israel.

Our language of Hebrew -- albeit imperfectly rescued  from death -- has been absorbing foreign words, mostly from English, at an exponential rate for at least the past 20 years. Spoken, and even written Hebrew, is now almost unrecognizable.

The Israeli government continues to emphasize the importance of English language education, over that of Torah, which only gets lip service. The number of signs in English is also growing, making Tel-Aviv and even Jerusalem unrecognizable. Why? To assist tourists? New immigrants?

No! We have to make ourselves more acceptable and relatable to the non-Jewish, Western world. Maybe then, they will love and accept us!

Mael is not only right about conferences, but also right to be sarcastic. We Jews just don't get it. Not only are conferences a waste, but so is chatting up non-Jews, in cringe-worthy attempts to gain their love and acceptance.

Instead, we need to work on our self-respect, our connection to our rich heritage, and to our God who made, and continues to make, it all happen.

הקומיקאית היהודית המפורסמת ג'ון ריברס ז״ל על המצב הביטחוני / Joan Rivers z"l on Arab Terrorists

ערב שבת קודש פר׳ בהר תשפ״ד

English follows the Hebrew.

הסרטון הזה באנגלית עםסרטון זה באנגלית עם כתוביות בעברית.

בקיצור, הקומיקאית היהודית המפורסמת ג'ון ריברס ז״ל מספרת לנו על מה היה קורה אם מדינת ניו ג'רזי הייתה מתקיפה את מדינת ניו יורק.

באמצעות הגיון פשוט והומור היא מצדיקה בקלות את פעולות הממשלה וצה"ל נגד כל הערבים שמשגרים עלינו טילים.

היא משתפת משל פשוט כדי להסביר את המצב במזרח התיכון לכל מי שטיפש מדי לקלוט ולהבין אותו.

ראוי להדגיש שהסרטון הזה לא מאתמול ולא ממוצאי שמיני עצרת/שמחת תורה (07.10.2023) אלא מלפני תשע שנים.

עד מתי אנו נבין את האופי של אומות העולם שהם נגדנו?

עד מתי אנו נבין את האופי של היהודים המבולבלים בחו״ל שמפגינים נגד אחיהם וארץ מולדתם?

This video is in English with Hebrew subtitles.

In short, famous Jewish comedian John Rivers tells us about what would happen if New Jersey attacked New York with missiles. What would happen if New Yorkers heard that New Jersey was building tunnels into New York?

Using simple logic and humor, Rivers easily justifies the actions of the Israeli Government and its Defense Forces [IDF] against any and all Arabs who launch missiles at us, and build tunnels enabling the hiding of terrorist and sneak attacks.

All she does is share a simple example to explain the security situation in the Middle East to anyone too stupid or unwilling to absorb and understand it.

It is important to point out that this video is neither from yesterday nor Shemini Atereth/Simhath Torah (October 7, 2023), but from nine years ago.

When will we ever learn?

מה היהודים מצפים שיקרה למדינה בביאת המשיח? / What do the Jews expect to happen to the country when the Messiah comes?

ערב ראש החודש התשיעי תשפ״ד

English follows the Hebrew.

משנה תורה, הל׳ מלכים ומלחמות פרק א
א שלוש מצוות נצטוו ישראל בשעת כניסתן לארץ--למנות להם מלך שנאמר "שום תשים עליך מלך" (דברים יז,טו), ולהכרית זרעו של עמלק שנאמר "תמחה את זכר עמלק" (דברים כה,יט), ולבנות להם בית הבחירה (בית מקדש) שנאמר "לשכנו תדרשו, ובאת שמה" (דברים יב,ה).

עשר אגורות (2¢):
למרות המחלוקת על חובת סדר הקמת המצוות האלה לפי סדר הרמב״ם אין ספק שעם ישראל לא הצליח לקיים את שולש המצוות האלה בכלל. אם ניסינו לקיים אותם? אכפת לממשלה של מדינת ישראל מקיום המצוות האלה?

אולי מעולם לא נתנו לנו לקיים את המצוות האלה.

יש אומרים שהכנסת קיימת במקום המלך. באופן זמני? לנצח?

אין ספק למה רוב ח״כים התעצבנו זעמו כשהרב ח״כ מאיר כהנא הי״ד ציטט את הל׳ מלכים ומלחמות ג,י [ט] של הרמב״ם בנואמו בכנסת.

המבטל גזירת המלך בשביל שנתעסק במצוות, אפילו במצוה קלה--הרי זה פטור: דברי הרב ודברי העבד, דברי הרב קודמין. ואין צריך לומר אם גזר המלך לבטל מצוה, שאין שומעין לו.

כלומר אם גזר המלך לבטל מצוה, ואין צריך לומר שאין שומעין לו , אז קל וחומר אם גזרה הכנסת לבטל מצוה, אין צריך לומר שאין שומעין לה.

ואין צריך לומר שב-75 שנים האחרונות ממשלת ישראל גזרה לבטל מצוה המון פעמים.

בטח שאני כותב על באופן תאורטי. אני לא רוצה להעצר בחדש המרדה.
אני שמעתי את הבדיחה הזו מדי אצל חרדים.

בביאת המשיח מסדרים את סעודת. איזה רב גדול מגיע לסעודה. מקבלים אותו בכבוד ומלווים אותו למקומו. בדרך הרב שואלֿ את המלצר ״מי שוחט את שור הבור של הסעודה?״ המלצר עונה לו ואמר את השם של עוד רב גדול ומחובד ומומחה מפורסם בשחיטה. ואז הרב הראשון שישב אמר, ״הבנתי. אז תביא לי את המנה של דג בלבד.״

זאת אומרת של אפילו בביאת המשיח והגיע גם אליהו הנביא וגם משה רבינו וגם רבנים גדולים שעדיין יהיו מחלוקות בכשרות למשל.

הציונות אומרת שארץ ישראל שייכת לעם ישראל ולא לאף עם אחר.

הציונים המזויפים לא רוצים מדינה יהודית אמיתית ולא תורנית למרות שהמקורות לכך נזכרים הרבה פעמים בתורה.

יש הרבנים הציונים שמפחדים להכריז את האמת. הם פשוט סובלים המחלה של ״ראש תקוע בגלות״. אני לא כועס עליהם אלא אני מאוכזב מהם. אבל אין להם שום זכות לקרוא לעצמיהם רבבנים.

למי שלא יודע מה זה ציונות באמת, עליכם חובה ללכת ללמוד מה זה במקום להפיץ מידע מוטעה. למשל אפשר לקרוא עוד על הציונות באתר הזה.

הצבועים שמזדהים כציונים, אבל לא מאמינים בציונות באמת הם מעצבנים אותי. הם מעוותים את הפירוש והמשמעות הציונות, ובאמתת נלחמים נגדה.

הצגת שווא של רעיונות של עולם המערב כרעיונות מהתורה, כגוון פלורליזם, שוויון, התבוללות וגלובליזם היא האסטרטגייה העיקרית ביותר שלהם.

זאת אומרת הם משקרים.

הנה עוד בדיחה:

כשהמשיח יבוא ורוצה להכין תכנית להכרית זרעו של עמלק ולהתחיל לבנות את בית המקדש השלישי וקודם כל לשים כתר על ראשו ולפזר את הכנסת, מה הדתיים הממלכתיים יעשו?

הם יעצרו אותו.

Mishneh Torah, Laws of Kings and Wars, chapter 11
Israel was commanded to fulfill three mitzvoth upon entering the Land: To choose a king, as is is said: "Appoint a king over yourselves" (Deut. 17:15); To wipe out the descendants of Amaleq, as as is is said: "Erase the memory of Amaleq" (Deut. 29:19); To build God's Chosen House (Temple), as is is said: "Seek out His Presence and go there." (Deut. 12:5)

Esser Agaroth (2¢):
Despite the differing opinions over the order in which these mitzvoth (Torah commandments) must be implemented, there is no doubt that the Jewish people has failed to fulfill these three mitzvoth at all. Did we even try to fulfill them? Are we willing to admit that we (Jews) are not fully in control of of the Land, and thus unable to fulfill these mitzvoth, even if we wanted to? Does the State of Israel's government care about such things?

Perhaps we simply were never allowed to fulfill these mitzvoth.

Some say that the Knesset is a stand-in for the king. Temporarily? For ever? This was never clear to me. I have heard more than one opinion on this issue.

There is no doubt in my mind why the majority of Members of Knesset were enraged when Rabbi MK Meir Kahane hy"d quoted from the Rambam's (Maimonides') Laws of Kings and Wars 3:10 [9] in one of his speeches.

One who negates a king's command because he was occupied with a mitzvah, even a minor one, is not liable. Whose words should have precedence in case of conflict, the words of the Master or the words of the subject? Needless to say, if a king decrees that a mitzvah should be negated, his words should not be heeded.

That is, if the king decreed to abolish a mitzvah, that we are not to obey, then all the more so if the Knesset decreed to abolish a mitzvah, we should not obey that.

And it does not need to be said that in the last 75 years the Israeli government decreed to cancel a mitzvah many times.

Of course, I am writing theoretically.

I heard the following joke among Haredim (ultra-Orthodox).

At the coming of Messiah, his celebratory feast is being arranged. A very great rabbi comes to the feast. He is received with respect and escorted to his seat. On the way, this rabbi asks, "Who is shekhting (slaughtering in a kosher manner) the shor habor (the bull) for the meal?" The waiter answers him, with the name of another great, and well respected rabbi, considered an expert in halakhoth of kashruth (dietary laws), including kosher slaughter. As the great and honored rabbi is being seated, he tells the waiter, "Fine then. I'll just have the fish."

This means that even with the coming of the Messiah and the arrival of Elijah the prophet and Moshe our Rabbi and also great rabbis that there will still be disputes about kashruth for example.

Zionism is the belief that the Land of Israel belongs to the Jewish People, and to no other. The sources for this is found countless times in the Torah.

The fake Zionists do not really want to have a truly Jewish state.

Those Zionist rabbis who are afraid to declare the truth are simply suffering from a case of being stuck in a galuth (exile) mentality. I am not angry with them, just disappointed. They do not have any business calling themselves rabbis.

To those who do not actually know what Zionism means, you have an obligation to go learn what it means, instead of spreading misinformation. For example, you can read more of this blog.

Those who really get on my nerves are the hypocrites who call themselves Zionists, but who are just faking it, purposely distorting its meaning, and in reality fighting against Zionism.

Misrepresenting Western concepts as Torah concepts, such as pluralism, egalitarianism, assimilation, and globalism is one of their greatest weapons.

In other words, they lie.

Here's another joke:

When the Messiah comes and wants to start planning to eradicate the seed of Amaleq, start building the Third Temple, and first and foremost put a crown on his head, and disperse the Knesset, what will the religious, mamlakhtim (diehard state loyalists) do ?

They will arrest him.

Israel's Latest Accusation of Espionage!

כ״א לחודש האחד עשר תשע״ו

The following report is the second in recent days which I thought could have been from the satirical website The Onion. But, after seeing that Arabs, the UN, and the BBC were involved, I soon realized my error.

This article is chalk filled with too much fun, to limit myself to a short concluding paragraph, and so I have interspersed  my comments between the lines in blue italics.

The Hebrew month of Adar is just around the corner!

BBC: Lebanon returns Israeli vulture cleared of spying
30 January 2016 

Image caption The vulture is now being treated at a wildlife clinic near Tel Aviv for minor injuries (AFP)

A huge vulture detained in Lebanon on suspicion of spying for Israel has been returned home after UN peacekeepers intervened, Israeli officials said. 

The bird, which has a 1.9m (6ft 5in) wing span, flew over the border from an Israeli game reserve and was caught by Lebanese villagers on Tuesday. 

They became suspicious as the griffon vulture had a tracking device attached to its tail.

Hmm... All it needs is a camera, and really could be a spy!

It is part of a conservation project to reintroduce raptors to the Middle East. 

Wildlife officials say the vulture was brought from Spain last year and set free about a month ago in the Gamla Nature Reserve in the Israeli-occupied Golan Heights.

Occupied? Apparently, the BBC is unfamiliar with the Torah, and the rest of Tana"kh (Bible), which clearly states that the Golan was Divinely Promised to Israel. And speaking of Southern Lebanon, take a closer look at the map below, and you will see that belongs to us, too.

Tribal Map of Eretz Yisra'el
(Click to enlarge)

Tel Aviv University is involved in tracking the bird, and as well as a GPS transmitter, it had tags on its wings and an engraved metal ring on its leg saying: "Tel Aviv Univ Israel". 

'Discreet operation'Wildlife officials in Israel were alerted to its capture when photos of the tied-up bird appeared on social media. 

"In a discreet operation with the Lebanese and with the great help of UN forces and the UN liaison unit, the Israel Nature and Parks Authority was able to return the vulture that was caught a few days ago by villagers of Bint Jbeil, Lebanon," an Israeli statement released on Friday said. 

The UN certainly cares more about wild birds than Jews. That's for sure! Aiding an abetting Hezbollah, in Southern Lebanon being one of this body's regular hobbies

The Lebanese media says the villagers freed the vulture after it became clear it was not on a spying mission.

I guess they were unsuccessful at finding the camera.

After its ordeal the bird was weak and was being treated for minor injuries, officials said. 

It is not the first time a griffon vulture has been taken to be an agent of the Israeli spy agency Mossad.

A stork in Egypt, rats in eastern parts of Jerusalem, and a shark are only a few examples of the many animals accused of spying for Israel.

Saudi Arabia captured one, also with a Tel Aviv University tracker, in the desert city of Hyaal in 2011, sparking rumours of a "Zionist plot" that were dismissed by Israeli officials. Share this story About sharing.

So glad to hear that "rumours of a 'Zionist plot'...were dismissed by Israel officials." Aren't you?

By the way, I cannot help but mention that the generally agreed upon word for vulture in Hebrew is"peres."

Coincidence? 

"Star Wars II: The Jewish Press Fails"

יום צום החודש העשירי תשע״ו

I have mixed feelings about posting this comic here, which was supposedly inspired by last week's Torah portion, and compares it to a famous scene from Star Wars film franchise. Do I really want to give the author the free publicity? Furthermore, someone will probably even want to sue me for giving him the free publicity. (Let him try.)

I Am Your Brother – Parshat Vayigash
Asher Schwartz, The [Non-]Jewish Press, December 18th, 2015

(Tip: Daled Amos)

Esser Agaroth (2¢):
I do not think this is in the least bit funny. It is just your typical assimilationist humor, one of the many consequences of almost two millennia in galuth (exile).

Comparing Yosef HaTzadiq to a villain? Suggesting that the revealing of Darth Vader's relationship to Luke Skywalker is the same or similar as the revealing of Yosef's true identity to his brothers?

This is what I find offensive.

A Frum Stand-Up Comedian!

ד׳ לחודש השישי תשע״ה

Yeah, I know I am very critical of Jews remaining in Galuth (exile). Not only that, but his video is from 2013.

I am also against having to justify our laws and customs to goyim and to nonobservant Jews. Nevertheless, I thought it was cute, and nice to see this religious Jew show the world that although we take our beliefs and practices seriously, that does not mean that we always have to take ourselves so seriously. Who knows, maybe one more Jew will become less resistant to exploring his or her, Torah-true heritage because of it?

Plus, I thought that he was pretty funny.

I shamelessly stole borrowed this video. But, I could not find this comedian's name. I would love to credit him, at the very least. Plus, as this comedian will confirm, it is probably not a good idea to steal or to borrow something without permission, in particular during this month of teshuvah.

In the meantime, this comedian is welcome for the free publicity.

Once found, though, I will gladly taken down and/or use his embed code for this video, if he so requests.

Update:
The video and name of the comic has been removed, but the post remains for those who would like to continue the discussion.

Gay Scandal in the Israeli Knesset?!

 י״ג לחודש השלישי תשע״ד

OK. No. Not really.

But, in honor of Israel's "Gay Pride" Week, I would like to share and comment on a news tidbit, which was pointed out to me by Life In Israel.

Either MK Ze'ev is really an odd ball, or someone grossly mistranslated his attempts at insults toward Bennett and Lapid. I favor the latter possibility.

MK Ze'ev
Hevron, 2008

As far as Sha"s MK's go, he is the least worst, and probably even pretty good. He has come out (no pun intended) against land giveaways, and even put his money where is mouth is by moving into Beth HaShalom in Hevron, when in was slated for expulsion of its Jews back in 2008.

So, actually, as far as MK's go at all, he is pretty good.

*Note: I also just found out that he and I share the same birthday, 8 Ellul, so he has got to have some positive qualities!

However, MK Ze'ev should learn that ust because Bennett has no balls male genitalia to speak of, and Lapid likes to bulk up his muscle mass at the gym, does not meant that they are gay. These are just silly and ignorant stereotypes, if you ask me.

After all, gay men DO have genitalia, and countless heterosexual men are body builders.

And anyway, this was so NOT a big deal. This sort of mudslinging about couples in government has certainly occurred before this.

Who remembers the this?

***Tzni'us Alert!***

The difference here was that this was done as a strategy to rally the LGBTQ, American communities, and to get them to the poles to vote!

...along with...

מי שמבין יבין!

Haredi Draft Bill Passes: Now What?

י' לחודש השנים עשר תשע"ד

Well, even though the Haredi Draft issue has never really been about the Haredi Draft, the Haredi Draft Bill passed the K'nesseth with 65 MK's voting in favor.... No surprises here.

YNET: With a near-empty plenum, Israel approves haredi draft Legislation compels yeshiva students to enlist for national service or face penalty.
Haredi MK: This is a black day, we will not forget or forgive Netanyahu

March 12, 2014

Israel News A near-deserted Knesset on Wednesday passed controversial legislation to draft ultra-Orthodox yeshiva students into the army, after a political row saw the opposition boycott the vote. (cont.)

Esser Agaroth (2¢):

(Photo Credit: used with Anonymous Facebook Friend's permission)

MK Yoni Chetboun
(Jewish Home Party)

MK Yoni Chetboun (Jewish Home) was the only government coalition member to vote against this bill. Whether you agree with his vote or not, you have to handed to him for standing by his principles over the fear of the possible loss of his seat in government the next go around.

Previously, I mentioned MK Chetboun's railing on Yesh Atid Party Leader and Finance Minster Yair Lapid for his offensive comments directed toward the State of Israel's Chief Rabbis.

So, at least one more MK appears to have some principles, and who stands by them.

I believe that the Israeli Government will eventually come to regret its decision, training all those Torah-observant Jews to use weapons, Jews who see The Almighty and His Holy Torah as their ultimate authority, and not the State.

The State's minyons will no doubt attempted its most sophisticated brainwashing indoctrination techniques on these young men, and they will fail!

In honor of the upcoming Purim holiday, I will relay what I heard was said in a Me'ah She'arim restaurant. Me'ah She'arim is a Jerusalem neighborhood whose residents can be safely said to be virtually 100% against the draft of their Haredi sons.

One Hassidishe man suggested to a friend of mine that the government should take all Haredi yeshivah students into the Israeli Defense Forces [IDF]. The IDF commanders will simply not be able to handle their various demands.

This one eats Rav Mahpud, this one She'aris Yisroel, this one Rav Landau, and this one Bet Yosef.

This one waits three hours after eating meat before dairy, this one six hours.

This one davens minhah now, and this one later.

This one holds by Rabbeinu Tam's end of Shabbath time, and this one does not, not too mention the possible need for five minyanim on Shabbath! This one accepts dancing, and this one does not.

Will the Prayer for the State be a requirement in schul?

Come Pesah (Passover), the eating of matzah meal based and/or qitniyoth (legumes) based foods will come up.

Hanukkah, too. This one lights inside by the door, and at this time and this one lights at the window at a different time, and this one lights outside.

The bottom line is that even though Yair Lapid has said that Haredim will be taken only some at a time, no doubt to ease the Erev-Rav controlled State's brainwashing indoctrination process, the IDF is just not ready, unless, of course, they have already decided to play hardball with the new recruits, and plan on being very, very, very nasty.

Crucial Festivus Shailos

Festivus, 2013

Photo Credit: DRosenbach

Dear Admo"r Shlit"a from Kalashnikov,

I have some pressing Festivus Shailos to ask you. Please get back to me ASAP, as I only have a couple of hours. before Festivus goes out here in Israel.

1. Tonight I had Saigon Chicken at Sushi Rechavia, instead of the traditional Paellla, and without proper kevanna. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually forgot that it was December 23, and thus Festivus. Must I repeat the se'udah?

2. I was nice to everyone at dinner. I completely forgot to air my grievances with them. May I e-mail them b'di'avad, or must I call them now, and scream into the phone? Or, should I be mahmir, and go over to their houses personally?

3. Should I perform the feats of strength, even it disturbs the neighbors? Must I try to pin my roommate to the ground, since he is the lease holder, making him the defacto ba'al habayith, even if it means that kicks me out on my tuchus tomorrow?

4. I regret that I did not erect the Festivus Pole this year either. Maybe if I had, I would have remembered that it was Festivus, and I would not be in this current predicament. My Sukkah lights, which I finally took down Erev Shabbos, are in a pile stuffed away under the coffee table in the living room, and are not turned on, nor even  plugged in. Do they count anyway, b'di'avad?

5. Am I allowed to accept donations to the Human Fund (me) tomorrow, or is tonight my only possibility to do so?

Thank you for getting back to me.

It's Festivus for the rest of us!

Esser Agaroth (2¢)

Getting Ready for Sukkos: Reb Menashe's Shabbos Tish (ר' מנשה לוסטיג'ס שבת טיש)

י"ב לחודש שביעי תשע"ד

Nope. This has absolutely nothing to do with Sukkoth. However, now that we're through the intense part of the Seventh Month/Tishrei/Fall Holiday season, I feel that it is time to start getting into a festive mood for Sukkoth and subsequent Shemini Atzereth/Simhath Torah, by laughing it up a bit.

When I first started watching this video, I wasn't sure if it was some kind of anti-Hassidish parody. But, as I continued to watch, even with my lousy Yiddish, and my love-hate relationship with the language, I started saying to myself, "I've been to that house!"

Not that particular house, of course, but a few very much like it.

I confirmed with a friend of mine in Me'ah She'arim that Reb Menashe is a well-known Hassidishe comic. 

Nu? Who knew?

Even without know a word of Yiddish, I hope that you will appreciate at least one Hassid's ability to laugh at himself, and to have us step into his home and laugh along with him.

The set-up is that it's Shabbath/Friday night, and he's trying to get the show on the road, so to speak, while trying to get his children to pay attention, and coordinate with his wife.

Sound familiar? That's because the same sort of thing happens in every Jewish home. So, even if you have never seen a Hassid, up close and personal, you may want to try and relate to this video on that level.

Enjoy!

(Tip Credit: The Kalashnikover Rebbe and Shlein)

Well, now that I think about it, if you did not have any context, nor point of reference, I suppose that you might view Reb Menashe as coming off as mean.

I assure you he is not,...so much. Dysfunction, yes, mean,...eh, not really. His kids are probably laughing at him, just like I am, and just trying to push his buttons. Meanwhile, "mommy" is probably

But, this all goes to support my point. Dysfunction in families does not discriminate based on religious observance, nor does it stand in the way of our ability to laugh at it, whether that's appropriate or not. We do it out of anxiety, perhaps? Nevertheless, the is no shortage of novels, plays, movies and television shows, comedy, as well as tragedy which revolve around dysfunction in families.

So, if nothing else, this video can remind us all that even though we're all a little or a lotta bit different, we're also a little or a lotta bit the same.

How a Friendly Barbecue Started the Syrian Rebellion

י"ז לחודש השישי תשע"ג

What's all this I have been hearing about Bassar Al-HaAish (Heb.: "meat on the fire"/barbecue)?

And, why are the Syrian people trying to overthrow their government over it?

This is an outrage!

How dare the Syrian people accuse Bassar Al-HaAish of releasing chemicals on them!

It was probably their own flatulence from eating all of that Bassar Al-HaAish!

And why did they all go to a Bath Party anyway?! All those naked people and bubbles together were bound to cause problems!

Oh,... you mean it's not Bassar Al-AaAish, but Bashar Al-Assad from the Ba'ath political party?

Oh, well, then that's different.

Festivus Halakhah: When Festivus Falls On Aseres b'Teves

Due to the Fast of the Tenth Month (10 b'Teveth) occurring on December 23 this year, those who observe the holiday of Festivus are required to postpose the Festivus Se'udah until 25 minutes after sunset. The traditional Festivus foods include [kosher] Paella, accompanied by a "big salad."

What's a "big salad," you may ask?  A "big salad" is like a small salad, with lot of stuff in it.

If Paella and a "big salad" are not available, then any favorite foods of the guests will suffice.  Take out is also permissible

.

Some hold that the Airing Of Grievances must also be postponed until 25 minutes after sunset, due to "sin'ath hinam" (baseless hatred).  Others hold that the airing of grievances prevents baseless hatred, and thus do not wait.  Overall, however, the custom is to wait, so that everyone has food in their stomachs, before the Airing Of Grienvances.  In any event, the Airing Of Grievances traditionally begins with the ba'al habayit (head of household) shouting the following formula:

"I've got issues with you, and you're ALL gonna hear about it!"

There are conflicting opinions regarding the beginning of the Feats Of Strength.  Some suggest that they should begin during the Se'udah.  Others suggest that doing so would be a sakkanah (danger) of vomiting.  Others say that one is require to eat his food slowly for this reason.  Still others suggest that potential vomiting is acceptable, but only when combined with the Airing Of Grievances.

The Festivus Pole, of course, should already have been erected.  However, if not, most authorities hold that one may erect ones pole before sunset.

Traditional donations to the Human Fund may be performed before sunset.  However, they must be done with the proper kewanna (intention), or else one is not yotzei midei hovato (satisfied his obligation).

It's Festivus for the rest of us!

How Spicy Do You Like It?

22 of the Twelfth Month (Beth) 5771

Probably the best falafel I have had in Israel comes from Shalom Falafel on Betzalel Street (Jerusalem Rabbinate - Pareve - Mehadrin). Only a few toppings are available: tehinah, pickles, salad, peppers, and, of course, harif. Actually, it is s'hug, the Yemenite version of a spicy sauce. Like most Israeli restaurants, they use the generic word for something spicy, harif. The limited toppings enhance the falafel; they do not overpower it. And, the falafel is always made fresh. It is also vegan (pareve without eggs or fish), and avodah ivrith.

The owners recently renovated the place, one of the results of which was the addition of a chart painted on swinging double doors leading into the back. The chart includes 32 responses to the question, "Would you like harif on your falafel?"



I thought it was pretty funny. So, I attempted to photograph it with the web cam on my laptop. It's a horrible set of pictures pasted together. You can click on it if you want. Instead I recommend looking at the chart I typed up, and translated. If you know Hebrew, you will see what I mean about how funny it is.

Please feel free to critique my translations, by leaving a comment. Figuring out how these terms should be translated into English is half the fun!

Spicy

Happy Festivus!

17 of the Tenth Month 5771

Let me take this opportunity to wish all of my friends, acquaintances, readers, and everyone else a Happy Festivus!

(Click the image to enlarges)


Please enjoy this photo by DRosenbach. Personally, I think it's a bit much. But, hey! It's Festivus!


Read more about Festivus, observances, and even "halakhoth" by clicking here.

It's Festivus for the rest of us!

A Hebrew Freebie

15 of the Tenth Month 5771

Last night at work, a woman ask if she could correct something I said in Hebrew. I could see it coming by the look on her face, when I finished speaking.

It turns out that this woman is a teacher in Ulpan, Israeli, Hebrew language program, designed for the oleh hadash (new immigrant).

She first asked me if I minded if she corrected me. I said no. I explained that as a teacher myself, I often have people trying to get a free English lesson out of me. I tell them that I take NIS 75 an hour for a private English lesson, so they might want to consider speaking to me in Hebrew.

If this professional teacher wanted to correct my Hebrew, I would gladly accept her “freebie.”

She pointed out while giving her some information regarding tonight's activities, I said הלילה. She explained that in this form actually signifies in the middle of the night. When this all took place, it was 8:30 pm, in which case, she said that one should say הערב this evening.

Normally, she told me, she does not mix in this, and does not approach people to correct their Hebrew. However, in this case, she felt that it was חשוב מאוד very important.

Why?

Well, her reasoning was that if I ever asked a woman if she was available “tonight,” I should make sure to say הערב, because הלילה would have a significantly different meaning.

Did you get it?

It was kind of odd hearing this from a woman in a sheitel. Nonetheless, she smiled and raised an eyebrow, and I laughed.

But, then she started to recount this incident to her colleagues walking in. I lightly objected by letting her know that she did not have to tell everybody the story. We all laughed, and I just took it in stride, remembering one of the first things taught to me, shortly after getting off the plane at Ben-Gurion Airport 13 years ago.

You simply can not be embarrassed in Israel.

How The Terrorist Stole Christmas

13 of the Tenth Month 5770

Although the frequency of my blogging has decreased quite a bit over the last couple of months, I wanted to grab the opportunity to let you know about the latest Ahmed And Salim videos.

"Hide And Seek" is just a few minutes, short and sweet, but to the point.



Life imitates art.

Read about the ins and out of the not-so-failed, terrorist attack on North West Airlines Flight 253 on Debbie Schlussel's blog. As usual, Debbie reports quite of bit of information you will not find in the mainstream news media.

Then check out "How The Terrorist Stole Christmas," and decide for yourself, which came first, the terrorist or the cartoon.



Much of the dialog is not translated literally. Did you happen to hear the word "capitalism" thrown in there?

This episode not only makes fun of Arabs, but also the silly materialistic manifestations of Christmas....

By the way, who recognizes the dance on the piano at the end??

Don't forget. You can now follow Ahmed And Salim on Twitter!

Islam Is Not Immune

Mossa'ei Shabbath Qodesh Parshath Ki Thezei 5768

All around certain neighborhoods in Jerusalem, and all through my long journey home every night from work, through the "oppressed and occupied [by Arabs] territories," I see these tacky Ramadan, crescent-shaped decorations, hanging in windows. I do not remember seeing them in previous years. But it is possible I am just blocking out their memory.

Anyway, I cannot help but laugh when I see them. Now it seems that not even Arabs are immune from the tacky materialism of holiday money-making. I used to think this was a tacky Western thing, or a tacky American thing. Apparently, Islam is not immune.



Now, I have to admit that all of these crescent moon decorations strung together look kind of cheery. Although, I suppose the same could be said for a Hamas summer camp for kids....



Also, "cheery" (I guess) are these traditional lamps. But they ARE pretty tacky looking. I distinctly remember seeing news stories in previous years which included the display of these cool looking aluminum lamps, which are given as Ramadan gifts. What happened? I mean the lamps pictured here are REALLY tacky looking.

Now before anyone criticizes me for hypocrisy, let me just say that there are some very cool Sukkoth decorations you can get for a reasonable price. They can also be put away and saved for future holidays, as they are of classic design and content.

Yes, I even like to string lights in my Sukkah, as long as they are not the flashing kind, which ARE very tacky. You can buy them in the Ge'ulah neighborhood in Jerusalem. Just don't tell anyone what the "Luces Feliz Navidad" on the label means. (wink) They are not tacky; they are cool! They also come in a variety of shapes, like chili peppers. (Not sure where to get those, though)

But I digress...

Here's a Ramadan joke to cap off this post for all of my Muslim friends... Oh, that's right; I don't have any.

So, here's a Ramadan joke to cap off this post for all of my Muslim enemies. Sorry, but it's not really offensive. I tried. Honestly, I did.

When I was in Me'ah Sha'arim for Shabbath a few years ago during Ramadan, I noticed that there were two night time cannon blasts which went off about an hour apart. The cannon blast, of course, signifies official "night time," informing Muslims that they may now break their daily, daytime fast.

The sound of two cannon blasts about an hour apart puzzled me. So, I asked my friend, a Yeshiva Mashgiah and in whose house I was staying if he happened to know the significance of the two cannon blasts.

His response?

"The second cannon blast is for those Muslims who hold by Rabbenu Tam."

Yuck, yuck, yuck...

The Waffle Conspiracy

10 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Jameel Rashid's waffle obsession is just out of control! Check out The Muqata, and see for yourself how many of his posts contain the word "waffles."

Hosts of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival were promised waffles for hosting.

I'll Call Baila did not get hers. Gila did not get hers ("Yo man....where's my waffles????"). Batya did not get hers("...And if you decide to deliver waffles to Yaaqov, then please bring some here, too. We're not that far away."). And, I did certainly did not get mine:

There is a vicious rumor going around that hosts automatically gain an invitation to a waffle breakfast at Jameel's place.

Jameel? Where are my waffles? Did Ill Call Baila get hers? Please make mine with spelt flour and without eggs. I'm on a diet. Also, please hold the vanilla, or any other spirit, called for in the recipe.

Until I see my waffles, I am afraid that this rumor cannot be confirmed.

Did anyone get their waffles? I think not. Unless, of course, there are some favorites of Jameel and Jack's inner circle.

I have received taunting and teasing, but NO waffles.

Yet, ALL of our inquiries into this waffle sham have been ignored, scoffed at, marked as "spam," or worse, treated as the ravings of a mad blogger.

NYA HA HA HA! can often be heard in the background of Jameel and Jack's podcasts.

NOW, they're changing the rules, and denying that they have changed the rules at that!

Jack wants to blame his words on how tired he is. Sorry, Jack. It's a no go. Being tired is NO excuse for aiding and abetting Jameel in his waffle scam.

Now it seems, they are trying to entice innocent by-standing blogs Treppenwitz and Serandez into the conspiratorial plotting and planning. But to what end?! What sick and demented goals can be achieved by cheating unsuspecting blog carnival hosts out of their waffles?

The following is a transcript of a secretly monitored e-conversation I had with Jameel and Jack, CC-ing Treppenwitz, as he had already been dragged into it somehow. I'm so traumatized by the experience, I have already blocked out the nature of his involvement.

10ag (Me):
Now, listen. This whole waffle thing is getting out of hand. NOW, it's "you COULD" win a waffle breakfast?

"Could" is a modal, indicating the lack 100% confidence that the speech will take place.

What's going on? You and Jameel just keep teasing and taunting me for your own sadistic pleasure.

I can't take it anymore!

Jameel:
You might already be the winner of a waffle breakfast!

Just ask Ed McMahon.

--Happy Adar,

Jameel @ The Muqata Waffle Hut

10ag:
No. There weren't any conditions on it before. You can't just go changing the rules.

That's OK. I get it.

I don't want your frickin' waffles anymore. Now that I have [even] a [minimum] wage job, I can afford to stay away from wheat, B"H.

No waffles for me, thank you very much!

They probably aren't any good anyway.

Just a bunch of hype.

Jameel:
A bunch of hype? You havent seen hype yet.

Just wait till purim...

(Sounds like a threat to me.... And just look at those blatant grammatical errors!)

10ag:
I keep a low key during Purim..... I don't even know where I'll be yet, Jerusalem, Tapu'ah West, or Elnaqam 4 (near K'far Tapu'ah), so that I can hear a proper Qeriyath Megillah from gvil, without stupid [originally Roman custom of] costumes and lots of noise, so that I can actually be yotzei mahahovah.

E-mail me when it's over.

Now what about that coffee? You've been hear longer than I have, so I expect you to reveal the best cup of coffee Jerusalem has to offer, now that the Internet Shtiebel and its $2,000 Italian machine have been shut down by the police (2006).

(Slight digression here....)

Jack:
(Classified)

10ag:
Harumpf!

They probably taste lousy anyway.

I believe I will be launching a waffle boycott shortly.

Better yet, how about a blog war? I've never had one of those before. Perfect for Purim.

Treppenwitz has yet to chime in,...probably a smart move on his part.

Now the entire J-Blogsphere knows the truth about why Soccer Dad gave up ownership of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival: Waffles.

He threatened to blow the whistle on your scam, didn't he? So, you pressured him. You got him addicted to waffles, then threatened to put the plug on his Baltimore connection if he talked.

Hey, Soccer Dad! You never DID get the Fox's Chocolate Syrup they promised you for your waffles, did you? How many waffles to do they string you along anyway? ...just barely enough to keep you alive? Such cruelty! Hang in there, Soccer Dad! I am sending help, even as I write....

OK, Jameel. Bring it on. I'm ready for you.

I can handle anything you can dish out: Maraschino Cherries (artificial color-free, of course), exploding whipped cream (Halav Yisra'el, of course), batter projectiles, and spatula catapults.

You are mine!