Rant: People and Situations which Irk Me

כ"ב לחודש השמיני תשע"ו

1. People at the store who are told how much their purchases cost, but continue packing them, instead of getting out their money to pay.

2. People who get in the Express line with way more than the limit.

3. Cashiers who let them get away with it.

4. Any store employee who is talking on the phone, or doing something else before taking my money, forcing me to wait unnecessarily.

5. Stupid people employed to educate our children.

6. Governments which hire stupid people to educate our children.

7. People who insist that my directions are wrong, even though the successfully arrived at their destination, only because of my directions.

8. People who ask questions repeatedly, even after I already gave them the answer, and then want to argue with me about how I'm wrong. (So, next time, don't bother asking me!)

9. Bosses who play their employees against each other.

10. Bosses who give their employees mixed messages.

11. Bosses who are "never wrong."

12. People who sing or play or play a musical instrument on the bus, or at a bus stop, because they know that we want to hear them play. (Actually, they just don't care.)

13. People who scream out what their reading on the bus,...because it's for our benefit.

14. People who take my inventory.

15. People who share their results of the inventory they took.

16. People who believe that I should actually care about the results of the inventory they took.

17. People who tell me how I am feeling, especially when they're wrong.

18. People who tell what I should or shouldn't do, like smile, especially when I don't know them, and were certainly not friends.

19. "Friends" whom I'm always the one calling to go hang out, and not only are never available, but never offer an alternative date and time to hang out.

20. "Friends" who hang out with me, only because  they're bored and they find me to be "entertaining."

21. People who expect to speak to me, because it's convenient for them, and couldn't care less whether or not it's convenient for me. (This is called "hijacking" someone's time.)

22. People who do not R. S. V. P.

23. Strangers who touch me, even though I have given absolutely no indication that it's OK to do so.

24. People who touch me, even though I have already, and specifically, told them not to.

25. People who consider something a fact, without supportive evidence. (Just call it a theory or hypothesis, and we're good.)

26. Inappropriate locker room behavior.

27. People who drive too fast in areas where they know there are children playing.

28. People who don't supervise their children.

29. People who don't take responsibility for their children's behavior. (It's all society's fault? Seriously?)

30. American tourists, who don't even bother to learn yes, no, please, and thank-you in the language of the countries where they're traveling.

31. Passive-aggressives.

32. Hypocrites.

You Are Not A Therapist!

י״א לחודש השביעי תשע״ה

This post offers some of my personal experience to English-speaking psychotherapists immigrating to Israel, or already here, and who intend to work with English speaking clients. Let this serve as a warning as to what you will be up against.

To those therapists operating with some of the "odd" and unethical practices I list and describe below, and to those individuals believing themselves to be therapists, when they are actually not, perhaps this piece will inspire you to do teshuvah (repentance), particularly during this week right after Yom Kippur.

For the purposes of this piece "qualified psychotherapist," will be defined by the following standards:

1. The minimum of a Master's degree in a mental health related field.
2. The minimum of a Master's degree from a school's program, recognized by at least one professional organization, in or even outside of Israel (eg. אגודת פסיכולוגים קליניים, האיגוד הישראלי לפסיכותרפיה, איגוד העובדים הסוציאליים, APA, AAMFT, NASW, NASP, etc.).
3. One who is licensed, credentialed, or certified, or eligible to become one of the above, based on coursework and supervised training.

I believe these standards to be minimal, and have stated them to be as lenient as possible.

Coaches are coaches. Laypeople are laypeople.

Counselors are counselors, and not necessarily psychotherapists. Counselors put on bandages, replace bandages, sometimes even provide alternatives to bandages. They only irrigate the wounds if it is within their training and scope of their practice.

Psychotherapists do surgery, minor or major, according to that which is within their training and scope of their practice.  

This is not to say that counselors, coaches, and even laypeople cannot be "therapeutic." They are simply not therapists.

Buy My Book!
I saw an episode of a television show once, in which a therapist, before beginning her session with a couple, suggested that the couple buy her book.

The sad part was that except for the obligatory comedic punchline at the end of the therapy session, the fictional therapist wasn't half bad.

But, the main point here is the potential conflict of interest in encouraging clients to buy your book. Would they feeling intimidated, guilted, manipulated into buying it? Is the book absolutely necessary to their treatment? Sure, I suppose a therapist could give clients "homework," and sure that homework could be based on the therapist's book. But, there is a slippery slope here, one to be navigated with caution.

Well,...I'm a Rabbi...
Regarding the many members of the clergy who serve in counseling roles. Some are particularly good at it, and some are not. Still, those members of the clergy who seem to have a knack for counseling, are good at, because they recognize not only their own personal strengths, but their limitations as well.

During my graduate studies, I had some contact with two fellow students, one, a Catholic nun, a year ahead of me in her studies, and another, a Christian minister in a parallel program. Both seemed to be very sharp, and had strong theoretical backing to support their approach to treatment, something which I strongly believe to be problematic when absent.

This is most certainly not meant to be an attack, nor even a criticism on members of the clergy, as long as they are working within their role/assigned position, and have been properly trained for role/assigned position.

Once I entered a crowded cafe. I had to ask to share a total stranger's table, not uncommon in Israel. We introduced ourselves to one another, and chatted briefly. When he said that he was a therapist, I immediately asked him where he studied. His response, though, was, "Well, I'm a rabbi...."

I was taken aback. I pursued the issue with, "Well, what's your training?"

His response to this query was, "Both of my parents are therapists."

At that point, I did what I could to close the conversation politely.

Now, in all fairness to this individual, he may actually be a qualified psychotherapist. Perhaps his his degrees, training and experience far surpass my own. Yet, for some reason. But, my experience warns me not to be optimistic. However, based only on the information I received within the span of our brief conversation, I would certainly not consider him to be a psychotherapist.

You should only be treated with MY therapeutic approach. All others are useless.
Funny, I was always taught that "should" statements were irrational beliefs. But, what do I know, right?

Talk about a conflict of interest!

(See also "Referrals? What are those?" below.)

All you need is MY six month course to be a therapist.
I was so shocked to hear that such a statement was made, I cannot even begin to write about this practice with a high level of potential for damage to the mental health of the English speaking public, here in Jerusalem and surrounds...

Would someone please tell me what the heck Clinical Sociology is?
"A subfield of public sociology is applied sociology, also known as clinical sociology or sociological practice, which applies knowledge derived from sociological research to solve societal problems."

OK. So, how does this qualify clinical sociologists as psychotherapists? Counselors, maybe. But, psychotherapists? Unless, of course, this degree could be used as some sort of front for getting around professional scrutiny? Just a thought...

I will leave this one as it is,...for now.

Referrals? What are those?
If I am unable to treat a client, either because I know that I will not be effective in doing so, not probably trained in the particular area of mental health practice required, or even if I am simply not taking on any new clients, I will refer the client to another therapist. My rule of thumb is to provide a list of at least three therapists. I will not just include those who share my theoretical orientation on this list of referrals, either, especially if I am uncertain as to this prospective clients present issue, or for that matter, the real issue or issues requiring attention.

Some people believing themselves to be therapists will unconsciously, or not so unconsciously, miss the boat when it comes to differentiating between genuine "resistance" and the caregiver's own inability to help the client effectively, if at at.

Unfortunately, parnassah (financial support) can be the culprit, blinding them from the truth (See Deut. 16:19). Yet, parnassah is the worst excuse of them all, and not to be tolerated. This care provider will at best, get lucky, and help someone solve a minor problem, or at worst, cause major, even potentially irreparable damage.

When I had finished graduate school, and moved back to my hometown of San Diego, I wanted to continue my own psychotherapy, I had begun inup north, I called the San Diego Association of Psychologists' [SDAP] referral line. The volunteer on the phone asked me to tell her about my interest in finding a therapist. I told her that I wanted to continue my therapy, and added that I was looking for a therapist with a particular theoretical orientation, and who specialized in working with other therapists.

She tentatively included her name on the list. I write tentatively, as she was concerned with even the appearance of a conflict of interest, serving on the referral line in order to add to her own client base. Yet, when I looked her up in the SDAP's members list, I found that she did, indeed, foot the bill of the requirements I stated to her. Nevertheless, she included a fourth referral, and put her name last on the list. I am not sure how better one could have handled the situation, save for silence regarding her practice. However, what if she did turn out to be the best therapist for me? I would have missed out on the opportunity, if she had been silent.

And probably these most insidious, most dangerous, and and most confusing issue facing therapists, both real and fake....

Profession Competence
The topic heading thus far could also be place under this one, "professional competence."

My favorite pet peeve has yet to be listed, and so it will be stated now. It is one in which even well-meaning, really therapists and counselors cross the line, and that is interpreting assessment results, for assessment devices for which he or she has not had the proper training to do so. And quite frankly one graduate course in assessment in simply not sufficient to interpret the Stanford-Binet or Wechsler scales, let alone the Thematic Apperception Test [TAT] or Rorschach. Of the Rorschach test, some have suggested said that it be applied only under supervision for five years. That may sound a bit extreme to some. But, it will hopefully send home the message that assessment devices are not things which can be picked up and used by anyone. And they are most certainly not toys.

Are you an "addictions counselor?" I know several, and some of them are excellent! I believe that is mainly because they deal with "addictions," and they recognize that they are "counselors." They are not marriage therapists, educational psychologists, nor psychiatrists; they are "addictions counselors."

The same goes for "coaches," probably the most out of control, unmonitored profession there is today. Some coaches are excellent. Here is one of my favorites, Dawna Walter from the BBC reality show "Life Laundry," in which she not only helps people declutter their homes, teaches them strategies to stay declutter, and helps them deal with the emotional issues surrounding their clutter and cluttering behavior. In my opinion, her work is definitely therapeutic, but she is not a therapist, and does not try to be one. She stays within her training, experience, and scope of practice.


Unfortunately, not all coaches maintain the same professional ethics that Dawna Walter does, and end up doing a great deal of damage, without having a clue that they have done so.

Dual Role Relationships
You would be amazed, and perhaps even as disgusted as I am, at just how many "therapists" I have encountered, who are completely ignorant of this concept.

Dual relationship 
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In the mental health field, a dual relationship is a situation where multiple roles exist between a therapist, or other mental health practitioner, and a client.^[1] Dual relationships are also referred to as multiple relationships, and these two terms are used interchangeably in the research literature.^[1][2] The American Psychological Association (APA) Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct (also referred to as the APA ethics code^[3]) is a resource that outlines ethical standards and principles to which practitioners are expected to adhere. Standard 3.05 of the APA ethics code outlines the definition of multiple relationships. Dual or multiple relationships occur when:

• a professional and personal relationship take place simultaneously between the psychologist and the client
• the psychologist has a relationship with a person closely related to or connected to their client
• the psychologist has intentions to enter into a future relationship with the client or someone closely related to the client

In addition, the standard provides a description of when to avoid multiple relationships (e.g., when the relationship causes harm to the client or impairs the psychologist's competence) and when these relationships are not considered unethical (e.g., when the relationship does not exploit the client or impair competence).^[4][5][6]

Before you get too excited about those instances when a duel role relationships are not considered unethical, the citations above lead to professional journal articles related to practice in RURAL areas, in order words, when the duty to treat may override a dual role relationship, which has minor implications regarding the impairment of the service providers effectiveness. Last time I checked, Jerusalem was not considered "rural," just loaded with English-speakers calling themselves therapists, who are hard up for work, and who lack the sophisticated level of language skills necessary to work with native Hebrew speakers.

Informed Consent
That's right! Not only must a therapist receive consent from a prospective client, before assessing and/or treating that client. But, the therapist must provide information related to the structure of the assessment and treatment, such as confidentiality. The prospective client [in the State of California, for example] is entitled to know the therapist's education and training, licenses and certifications, and theoretical orientation. So, don't be surprised if a prospective client asks such questions. It is his right.

If you do not have the answers, then you have no business doing what you are doing.

Not only that, but "informed consent" does NOT mean checking out, what you might think to be "analyzing," friends' prospective dates or roommates or employees WITHOUT their knowledge.

Client Endorsement
Ethical or not, I believe this practice to be damnable.

Imagine a therapist who advertises, and has endorsements from clients listed, even anonymously, on his advertisement or brochure. In fact, let's assume, for the sake of argument, that these clients volunteered to provide their therapist with an endorsement, without being solicited.

Let us go a step further, and say that said therapist announces such endorsements at a speaking engagement

What? At the very least, this "therapist" never thought of the implications this would have in the client's therapy? What about the conflict of interest?

Anna Freud might call this a form of "acting-out" of therapy, on the part of the client. I hate to ask what she might say that the therapist was doing.

Of course, if you are not really a therapist, then you have nothing to worry about, do you? All you have to do is to stop calling yourself a therapist.

The Israeli Ministry of Health is overwhelmed, and for the most part, lacks the necessary resources to monitor such individuals, real therapists crossing ethical lines, and fake therapists, leaving a trail of damage, often untraceable and unprovable.

You can see that this list of headings of potential problems here is endless.

I will assume that many of the fake psychotherapists out there have good intentions. However, this reminds me of the proverb...

"The road to hell was paved with good intentions."

Of those real psychotherapists out there, doing one or more of the above, you have absolutely no excuse.

*********

A note on gishur:

After posting the above, I had an afterthought of sorts. What about Gishur?

Roughly translated, gishur is bridge-building, and is used to describe work often done with couples, to assist them with communication.

I have met both members of clergy and attorneys who are very skilled in this work, even though they are trained in gishur, and not in any other type of counseling. Of course, like any in profession, there is always the potential for the appearance of bad apples.

Those I have met also acknowledge that they are not therapists, nor try to be, and would refer couples to qualified therapists when the need arises. I hope that this includes sexual issues, which are often overlooked, even though marital relations are integral part of a couple's communication, not to mention a deep component of their relationship. I do not know the extent of the training these professionals receive regarding sexual issues, hopefully enough to pick up on the subtle hints members of a couple may reveal that something needs to be addressed in this area.

Sexual therapy is a specialty often underrated, one in which not all psychotherapists have been sufficiently trained work with clients with sexual dysfunction.

Jewish Prayer On The Temple Mount

ערב שבת קודש פר'אחרי-קדושים תשע"ג

(ט' לחודש השני)

38th Anniversary of the town of modern day Ofrah (Josh. 18:23)

So far, the article below has elicited comments from friends such as...

"At least there is one man in the Knesset."

-The Kalashnikover Rebbe

"Jewish prayer on the Temple Mount!"

JPost: 'Jews should be able to pray on Temple Mount'
Daniel K. Eisenbud, April 18, 2013

New Interior C’tee head Regev says she plans to tour holy site; Meretz MK warns initiative could sabotage peace process.

MK Miri Regev (Likud), appointed Wednesday to chair the Knesset Interior and Environmental Affairs Committees, generated heated controversy when she said she intended to tour the Temple Mount with Interior Committee members to further the possibility of legalizing Jewish prayer at the site.

“Jews can pray at the Temple Mount,” said Regev, who in her new role could play a pivotal part in changing longstanding legislation barring Jewish visitors from praying there.

In a statement to the press Wednesday, she added that she will not hesitate to address the highly controversial issue.


“I don’t understand why a Jew is not allowed to pray in the most sacred place for him – the Temple Mount,” she said. “I intend to soon tour there, with an emphasis on freedom of Jewish prayer.”

MK Michal Roisin (Meretz) swiftly condemned Regev’s comments in a statement Wednesday, warning that her words could sabotage the peace process and ignite a “third intifada.”

“This is a low attempt and a cynical use of religion for political purposes to sabotage the peace process,” said Roisin.

“The government operates on an internal contradiction – on the one hand, it claims to adhere to the outline of two states for two peoples; and on the other hand, initiatives like this one by MK Regev hinder the process of negotiating.”

Roisin warned that it was just such an initiative by former prime minister Ariel Sharon in 2000 that ignited the second intifada. (cont.)

Esser Agaroth (2¢):
Before I dive into this issue please allow me one aside. Is it me, or are there others who refuse to tolerate split infinitives?! Daniel, if MK Regev made the above statement in English, which I seriously doubt, then you're off the hook. But, if she made it in Hebrew, and it was translated into English, well, then I am VERY disappointed in you.

'Nuff said.

And, now, on with my in depth analysis...

MK Regev is correct.

Whereas, MK Roisin is the perfect example of a "self-hating, co-dependent, assimilated, stuck in galuth, even though she's in Israel" Jew.

How was that for "in depth?"

OK. Seriously, now, how could anyone possibly be surprised that a sniveling Meretznik would step up to make such a comment.

Ruin the peace process, and start a third intifada??

First of all, the ultra-leftist/assimilationist Meretz "vision of peace" not only involves the absence of anything remotely related to a Jewish quality to "Jewish sovereignty" over Israel (what would be left of it), but leads the Jewish People down the path of self-destruction, beginning with the piece-by-piece destruction of our God-given Homeland. Thus, MK Roisin is interested in Israel's full participation in the "piece process," not the peace process.

Second of all, a third intifada? Anyone who thinks that we're not still in the intifada which began before the First Intifada is insane, self-hating, Western/assimilationist. What a minute. I must apologize for being redundant. What I meant to say is that such individuals must be insane. The Arabs are going to riot and kill, take a break, riot and kill, take a break, and riot and kill, LIKE THEY'VE ALWAYS DONE! ...with or without the Temple Mount, which they only recently decided was theirs, and then made up the requisite lies to back up their story.

As I have said previously, the latest buzz phrase, "freedom of religious expression," seems to get applied to everyone else besides Torah-observant Jews. And governments filled with those like MK Roisin are the reasons behind this fact.

Meanwhile, back in the K'nesseth, here are the possible outcomes of this afair.

Potential Outcome Predictions [POP]:
1. MK Regev will back down.

2. MK Regev will be hung out to dry by PM Netanyahu.

3. MK Regev will be strung up by PM Netanyahu, and her name will be mysteriously absent from the Likud's list of candidates in the next elections.

4. It will be revealed that MK Regev will was set up to do PM Netanyahu's dirty work, to satisfy the right, and to distract us, while he gives up other parts of Israel in "piece process."

5. PM Netanyahu will wait and see which way the wind blows, and then decide what to do with MK Regev. Make her a Minister at the next opportunity? Or condemn her at the next opportunity?

Stay tuned.

And so, MK Regev (Likud) receives a score of one Eretz Yisrael. But, she only gets one (out of a possible five) for her lukewarm excitement over Jewish prayer on the Temple Mount.
*Look closely at the map. I am afraid I couldn't fit in all of modern day Iraq.

Let's just hope she goes to the miqwah (ritual purification pool) first, and dresses appropriately. Only then, will I be able to call her a positive example for B'noth Yisra'el.

Sea Hag

MK Roisin (Meretz), on the other hand, receives, you guessed it! One of these...

And, for her use of the word "pluralism" as a code word for "Arab rights, but not Torah-observant Jewish rights," she also gets 1/2 of a Zoabi.

For Men Only: Esser Agaroth's Miqwah (Mikveh) Guide

ט"ז לחודש הראשון תשע"ג

I am sure that there are women sneaking peeks at this post, even though it is only for men. And so, I will try to be modest careful with my wording. If you would like more detailed information about men and miqwa'oth (Jewish ritual baths), you may contact me personally by leaving a comment, which will only be published if you say so, or you may contact your local [Orthodox] rabbi.

Miqwah customs for men vary greatly. Many Hassidim tovel (immerse) everyday. Even though the gezirah of Ezra haSofer has not been in force for some time now. Some Jews tovel Erev (afternoon before) Shabbath and Erev Yom Tov. Others only before Yom Tov (holiday). Still others, only on Shavu'oth and Erev Yom Kippur, or just Erev Yom Kippur, which many consider to be a universal custom among Jews.

One of the first things I learned about the miqwah was the custom of not covering oneself with a towel or otherwise, so as not to show embarrassment over ones brith milah of Avraham Avinu. The are customs of specific groups related to tzni'uth (modesty), such as Satmar and Toldos Aharon/Avraham Yitzhaq Hassidim, and others. However, if you do not have these group specific customs, I would like to suggest that any issues with nudity in front of other men may stem from the values and sensibilities you grew up with in galuth (exile), and may want to look a look at those. Just a suggestion...

Below are my list of pet peeves, to help you lighten up about taking advantage of your local miqwah. But, the bottom line, in my opinion, is better to go to the miqwah, and do what is comfortable for yourself (ie. covering yourself with a towel), than not go at all.

After the pet peeves is a review of the miqwa'oth where I have been, followed by a couple of helpful miqwah links.

Esser Agaroth's (2¢) Miqwah Pet Peeves

10. Men who take up more bench space and wall hooks than they actually need.

9. Men who do not take responsibility for their children's behavior,...in OR outside of the miqwah.

8. Children who play around in the pools, and do not allow men room enough room to tovel. (*Children who do get out of the way, and only play when no one needs the space are fine, in my book, but should be supervised.)

7. Men who are super-duper uptight,...and think that everyone else should be,.

6. Men who want to impose their customs on everyone else.

5. Men who go into the miqwah without washing, either in the available showers there, or at home.

4. Men who splash all over the place when they tovel, and do so voraciously.

3. Men who doing cannonballs to enter the miqwah. (Yes! I have personally witnessed this!)

2. Men who tovel (dunk/immerse) a bazillion times, when there is a line, and room for for only one or two.

And Esser Agaroth's (2¢) No. 1 miqwah pet peeve is...

1. Men brushing up against me, when they have to yet to shower. That's not just inconsiderate; it's gross!

The Esser Agaroth (2¢) Miqwah Guide
(listed from north to south)

The Ariza"l's Miqwah, Tzfath

Tzfath:
Ariza"l's Miqwah - Freezing!! I was told that this feeling was due to the difference in temperature of the water vs. the air in the summer. Heimish (homey). Room for only one at time, so I hope that you don't get stuck in line behind someone with the custom of dunking over a hundred times!

The Kinnereth (Sea of Galilee) - I was here once with friends, and enjoyed it. Swimming out far enough provided plenty of privacy. Friends can guard each others bathing suits while toveling. See the notes below on The Mediterranean, as well.

The Mediterranean Sea - depends on where you go for your miqwah experience. I, myself, have only been to Tel-Aviv (religious beach - heimish), Netanyah (salty), and Nahariyah (very nice). The only advice I would give to you is to find an uncrowded, quiet place, not just for your privacy, but for kewannah (intention, thoughts). Please also do not go alone. The old, curmudgeony lifeguard in me insists on reminding you how dangerous the sea (and pools) can be, no matter how good of a swimmer you are. Anyone can bump his head by accident, or get sucked out by a particularly strong riptide and drown (לא עלינו).

Giv'ath Shmu'el:
Add this miqwah to the list of uptight communities. The advantage of this miqwah is that it is not very crowded, even though there are only four showers and one pool. Even Erev Yom Kippur I did not have to wait long to dunk. Everyone went in and out in an orderly fashion. Giv'ath Shmu'el is a Tel-Aviv suburb, surrounded by Petah Tiqwah, B'nei B'raq, and Bar-Ilan University

Har Berakhah:
On the way to the main town from the Hawarah Road, there is a natural miqwah on the left. There is willow tree conveniently located there, too, where many cut their "arvoth" for their lulavim an Hoshana Rabba bundles.


K'far Tapu'ah:
The now closed, old miqwah was very heimish. Once in a while we would dunk on hot Shabbath afternoons. The new miqwah, which is the old women's miqwah is nothing to write home about.

Eli:
B'nei David Yeshivah - Very small, not a lot of room in the entire space. Four men would feel crowded, six even if you're close friends.

Between Shilo and Eli there is a natural miqwah on the way to the Eli Cemetery. Many have told me that they like this miqwah. It's popular for kids to go down there.  But, be careful.  There has been at least one terrorist attack there.

Shiloh:
Old - Heimish, but is it still open? It is also down at the bottom of the hill.  Once you climb back up to the top of the town, you're already sweaty! The new miqwah in the Hesder Yeshivah, is extremely uptight! Individual changing rooms. A pain in the neck, having to knock and wait for someone to come and open the door. This is my least favorite miqwah.  Although, I have been told that is it kasher for ascending Har HaBayith, and those who tovel for that purpose are not required to pay.  So, that is on the plus side, being supportive of ascending Har HaBayith.

Beth El B'
Standard, heimish, not uptight. Plenty of private shower stalls. Private, one at a time, pool available.

Ofra:
Private showers and bath-rooms available. My guess is that it's the old women's miqwah.

Jerusalem:

Photo Credit: Lametayel

Batei Rand, Nahla'oth - Shy men be forewarned! There are no secrets in this miqwah! There are three pools, and it's very heimish. But, it can get very crowded Erev Shabbath in the afternoon. So arrive early. The kelim miqwah (shown left) is always open. I large rocks sits on top of the cover to prevent any hazards.

Lifta - Below the Giv'ath Sha'ul and Mattersdorf neighborhoods, at the entrance to the city, below the Ramot Road, Lifta is formed by the outpouring of a natural, underground spring. People can be seen bringing empty bottles to fill for drinking. I would make sure that no one is touring the cave with muddy shoes, before deciding to do the same. Lifta was once the name of the surrounding village, abandoned by Arabs during the Israeli War of Independence. The main problem is that it is crowed in the summer, including women and families, which makes toveling awkward.

Zupnik on Strauss St.

Zupnik, Strauss Street (Eidah Haredis) - One of, I believe, only two miqwa'oth in Jerusalem with steam rooms. The other one, I was told, is somewhere in the Ramath Shlomo neighborhood. I have heard that men are now required to wear a towel-skirt in order to go into the steam room. There are other restrictions, too. I recommend asking before entering. A long list of rules is on the wall inside. This miqwah installed automatic water shut-off nozzles long ago, for water conservation. I believe that all miqwa'oth should do the same.

Stern's, Me'ah She'arim - Refurbished, heimish, plenty of room. The men are know to share showers, military style, so you don't have to waste time waiting, when it is crowded. There are three good sized pools, hot, warm, and cold.

Zupnik, Giv'ath Sha'ul - Cleaner than most, never too crowded, except close to sheqi'ah. The Kelim Miqwah is always open. It's high enough and on an angle to prevent children from getting into it.

R' Hayim Vital Street, Giv'ath Sha'ul - Pretty standard, two pools, plenty of room, 9 or 10 showers. Friendly.

Beth HaKerem - Small, can get crowded later in the afternoon. The kelim miqwah is open on Erev Shabbath.

Erloi Yeshivah, corner of Rachel Imeni and Hizqiyahu HaMelekh, Old Qatamon - old school, very mixed, as in all kinds of men are seen there. Don't be afraid to ask "What do I do now that I'm here?" They're used to it.

Rehovoth
Rabbanuth - a few blocks south of the Central Bus Station - Nice, clean, multiple changing rooms, pools on both ends, cold on one side, hot on the other. They is at least one other miqwah in Rehovoth run by Vizhnitzer Hassidim.

Bat Ayin:
I have not been to this natural miqwah south of Jerusalem myself, but I have been told that it is the favorite of many. A man-made structure surrounds it.

Ein Gedi:
The Hidden Waterfall, up from to The Dead Sea - the "other" trail, which begins south of the main trail, is less crowded. The goal is to reach the "hidden waterfall," a great spot for toveling and picnicking alike. There is an entrance fee.

Eilat:
The Red Sea - I have been living in Israel for almost 16 years, and still haven't made it to Eilat! One of these days...

Miqwah Resources

Mikveh Net

Mikvah.org

Shomer Misnomer (Updated!)

27 of the First Month 5772

Is it me, or are others a bit irritated by the misuse of Hebrew words in conversation? Here are a few. Please leave a comment with your pet peeve misuses.

Shomer (שומר) – to guard, to watch over

During a conversation, a woman would ask me if I'm "shomer."

"Shomer what?" I ask in response.

"You know, 'shomer.'"

"Shomer Shabbath? Shomer kashruth? Are you asking me if I would be an appropriate roommate for one of your friends?"

The woman storms away in a huff, mostly likely thinking how stupid I am, or how frei I am, for not knowing what "shomer" means.

What she most likely wanted to ask me was if I am shomer negi'ah, if I "guard over" who I touch, or who I allow to touch me. In other words, one who is shomer or shomeret negi'ah refrains from having physical contact with the opposite gender. Shemirat negi'ah would be the gerund form.

Gush (גוש) – block

"The Gush" referring to the area of Gush Etzion is just silly. Even sillier, and actually quite embarrassingly painful to hear, is the Har Etzion Yeshivah being referred to as "Yeshivat HaGush." The greater Tel-Aviv Area is referred to as Gush Dan. The towns in and around Shiloh are referred to as being in Gush Shiloh. The same goes for Gush Shchem. And, who can forget Gush Katif? This referred not to all of the Jewish towns in Gaza, but to those in the area of,…Katif.

Tahanah (תחנה) – station or stop, as in bus station or bus stop, as well as radio station

A lot of young men and women from abroad, studying for the year, or just visiting, will often say "The Tahanah" to refer to the Central Bus Station. Even though there are countless bus stops and transfer stations around town. I tend to give these young people a break when they apply this term in this way. After all, they are at least trying to increase their Hebrew vocabulary, and actually use it.

Moshav (מושב) – a town, traditionally cooperative, and related to agriculture

I was at THE Moshav, pronounced MO-shav, during Pesah. What? You don't know what the MO-shav is? There is, after all, ONE MO-shav,...Moshav Mevo Modi'in, sometimes referred to as the "Carlebach Moshav." Apparently, there are those Jews out there who are unaware of any other moshavim.

Schtiebelach (שטיבעלאך) – a multi-room, prayer and study facility, from the Yiddish word "schtieb" (room)

Silly Anglos (AND native Hebrew speakers) of Qatamon!  I hate to disappoint you, but there is more than one "schtiebelach," in Jerusalem alone.  Me'ah She'arim, Zichron Moshe, Kokhav HaTzafon, the GR"A Schul in Sha'arei Chesed, and Giv'ath Sha'ul (Zupnik).  I believe that there is also one in Har-Nof.

A Tale Of Two Neighborhoods

20 of the Fifth Month 5769

This post flits back and forth between two conversations taking place in separate Jerusalem neighborhoods, and presented in "fashion colors," for CLARITY.

If your blood starts to boil, please push yourself through to the end of the post. You may be surprised by the ending,...or not.

Neighborhood "A"
(2 men talking)

That's SO spiritual!

Yes, I know. It's creative, too... It's spiritually creative.

Oh, yes! I see.

AND,...it's creatively spiritual.

Yes!

Neighborhood "B"
(2 women talking)

OMG! I am SO glad I found an apartment in THIS neighborhood.

OMG! I so totally know what you mean. Now we're close to all of the important schuls.

Yeah, but I especially like how it's easy to check out all the hot guys through the mehitzah in the schuls in this neighborhood.

Oh, yeah, cool. I totally forgot about that!

Neighborhood "A"

Reb Shlomo told me to wear purple on Tuesdays to boost my spiritual growth beyond all boundaries of spiritual growth.

Really?

Yes. And you also have to make your payos like mine, or else you're not spiritual.

But, no one in Me'ah She'arim makes them like that, and there are some pretty strong hassidishe traditions there.

Doesn't matter. I could teach THEM a thing or two about spirituality. You know what else? I knew Reb Shlomo better that anyway here at this party. They couldn't possibly understand his Toirah and his Simcha like *I* do. Hey! You over there, would you pass the joint over here?!

Neighborhood "B"

OMG! Now that we live in this neighborhood, people will able to see how enlightened and progressive we are.

Yeah, I know. Did you know that we have lesbians for neighbors now?

No. Really?

Yes. You can't get more enlightened and progressive than that!

No, you sure can't.... But, we'd never actually have to invite them into our house, would we?

Oh, no! Of course not!

Neighborhood "A"

During S'firah,...you know that means, don't you? S'firas HaOmer. Anyway, S'firah, I have to daven,...you know what davening is, don't you? Anyway, during S'firah, I have to daven with the kevunah,...you know what kevunah is, don't you? Anyway, during S'firah, I have to daven with the kevunah of the s'firos of the day, or I'm not yotzei,...you know what yotzei means, don't you?

Wow, that's SO spiritual!

Yes, I know. Hey, you over there! Would you stop hogging the joint!!

Neighborhood "B"

Oh no! I am so upset.

Why? What happened?

My Abba cut my allowance down from $1,500 down to $1,250.

OMG! That's so totally unfair!

Yeah, I know! He says it's because the cost of living is much cheaper in Israel than in "The City."

By the way, since when did you start calling your daddy "Abba?"

Oh, no. You don't understand. I've ALWAYS called my daddy "Abba."

(Under her breath: "Yeah, right.")

Neighborhood "A"

I'm giving a shee'eer. You should come to my shee'eer. Did I tell you I'm giving a shee'eer? Yes, Rabbi Yehudah Levy Me'ir Shimon Smith is away, so he asked ME to his shee'eer. You could learn a lot from my shee'eer. You should really come to my shee'eer. Why aren't you coming to my shee'eer?

What's your shi'ur on?

Why, it's on spirituality, of course. Hey, did you see the guy with the joint?

Neighborhood "B"

Who was that at the door?

One of the lesbians from next door.

Ssshhhh. Don't say "lesbians." Someone might hear you, and think we're not enlightened and progressive.

OMG! You're right.

What did she want anyway?

She wanted to let us know about the park clean-up party on Friday morning, and to ask us to volunteer. But, don't worry, I said we couldn't come.

Yeah, I know. We're way too busy for that.

I was going to give her a donation instead. But she said that she wasn't collecting any money. She wanted neighbors to donate their time.

Well, there for sure would not be any hot guys there. They play basketball every Friday. And besides, wouldn't we get all dirty?

Yeah, they should just collect money and hire some Arabs to do it.

Ssshhhh. Don't say "Arabs." Someone might hear you, and think we're racist.

OMG! You're right! Hey, by the way, where do the guys play basketball? We could get dressed up, and pretend that we just accidentally came by their particular court.

OMG! Yeah, let's do that!!!

*********

So, you think I'm be very judgmental, and otherwise making fun, of other religious Jews?

Well,...yes. But, it's not what you think! ...not entirely, anyway.

You see, I'm just venting. I need to get out my negativity, so that I can simply let it go, accept others for where "they are at," and worry about my own growth.

On the other hand, yeah, maybe I'm "doing other people's inventories." But, I have to tell you that I have never met anyone who has reached "spiritual heights" through clueless materialism, hypocrisy, gaivah (pride), nor drugs of any kind. So, these Jews' "inventories" are kind of easy to see.

The thing is that much of this is caused by galuth (diasporah) living. When Jews come to Jerusalem from the U. S., it can really taint their "spiritual searching." It also does not help the situation, when their "rabbis" are stuck in it, too.

Living out in the Shomron (Samaria), amongst Jews building their own homes, digging their own ditches, collecting their own garbage, growing some of their own food, and tending to their livestock, was a great way for me to let go of much of my galuth mentality and my qelipoth (anti-spiritual/anti-Jewish shells). It's not for everyone, and certainly not the only way to grow into a more ge'ulah (redemption) minded Jew. However, it's what worked for me.

Surviving a suicide bombing attack was also very transformational for me. But I do not recommend this, and that's another story for another time.

While in the Shomron, would periodically have to go into Tel-Aviv to do errands, or make my way to the beach, or whatever. It was like venturing into a completely different world, even though I had already lived in Tel-Aviv for two years. The signs were in Hebrew,...well, many of them,...but the life there did not exact seem "Jewish" to me.

Now that I have moved back to Jerusalem, I have been experiencing some of those same feelings. That's pretty sad when we're talking about the Eternal Capital of Am Yisra'el. Although very galuthi in its own way, I still feel more comfortable in the insulated neighborhood of Me'ah She'arim on Shabbath than in one of the above mentioned 'hoods.

I do not regret moving back to Jerusalem at all. But, now that I must find another apartment, I seriously hope that I do not end up in one of these neighborhoods. If I do, though, I will just try to take it on as my next spiritual test. (.... OR just stay in my room in front of the computer, day and night, shunning any opportunities for a local social life, and walking a lot farther than I would like on Shabbath in order to be closer to "my spiritual cup of tea." ...because it's not likely I'll find it in one the neighborhoods described above.)

As condescending as it may sound, I do pray that Jews like the caricatures described eventually find a way to dig themselves out it all.

We are all "searching." At least, I can say that I am. Many of our fellow Jews are "coming back," as it were. Many of them don't even have a clue as to where to begin. We all have to try to be patient and tolerant with our fellow Jews. That includes allowing them to make a lot of their own mistakes, in order to discover the proper path. We have to be patient. But to what extent do we really have to be tolerant?

*********

P. S. I am afraid that comments including a guess as to which neighborhoods I am referring cannot be accepted,...for obvious reasons.

How Frum Are You?

23 of the Twelfth Month 5769

How frum are you?

Are you as frum as the guy who starts yelling "Ahrei yoshvei veitecha..." at the top of his lungs, and feigning annoyance at all those not davening minhah with him before a wedding, when he almost never davens minhah?

Are you as frum as the guy who wears only the sharpest black hat, kippah, and suit to s'mahoth (happy, religious occasions) to show how frum he is, yet usually wears a crocheted kippah, if any at all? (Often forgetting to remove their wedding bands)

Are you as frum as the women who dawqa wears a sheitel (wig) instead of a cloth head covering to show how frum she is, even though she barely has any sleeves, and does have a noticeable slit up her dress?

What about the woman with the sheitel past her shoulders, miniskirt, and VERY tight blouse? Are you as frum as her?

What about the woman whose favorite phrase is "We are VERY orthodox," yet wouldn't even think twice about covering her hair? ...She doesn't.

Are you as frum as the guy living in Judea and Samaria, with a crocheted kippah, who does not come from a Yiddish-speaking background, area, or yeshiva, yet insists on throwing around as much Yiddish as possible (often incorrectly) to show how frum he is? (I do not know of any Sefardim who throw around Ladino to the same ends. Do you?)

And finally, what about the man who davens the most loudly and rapidly, and shuckling as forcefully as possible. Yet while he is always first to finish, he is also always the first to start talking even though every one else is still praying? Are you as frum as he is?

How frum ARE you?

Better yet, who cares how frum you are?

(...probably just some of the people above who really aren't as frum as they think they are)

*********

Important Note: This post is referring ONLY to those coming from religious homes, and NOT to new, ba'alei teshuvah (those new to Torah observance).

$50,000? ...To Stay In Babylonia

Erev Shabbath Qodesh Hayei Sarah 5769

OK, so you already heard about this from Rafi, Batya, and Yisrael,... AGES ago.

I thought they covered all that needed to be covered. The story came and went, but it still irks me. So I cannot help, but give my 10ag.

When I first saw the following report, my jaw dropped:

Family Relocation Project

Jewish Family Service's bold objective is to relocate at least twenty families to Dothan, Alabama during the time period January 2008 to December 2012.

Achieving this objective will truly advance the Jewish religion in Dothan by significantly increasing Temple Emanu-El's membership and will be a cause to celebrate as we recognize the Jewish community's 120th anniversary as a vibrant and respected part of greater Dothan.

We welcome your application for financial assistance from the JCS Family Relocation Project....

(Tip-off credit to relatively new blogger JeffGator)

$50,000? Why not ditch the community, and pay $50,000, or even $20,000 to some of the families still living there to help them move to Israel?

I'll bet the thought never even occurred to them.

Even leaders this particular community's umbrella organization are saying that you should consider "aliyah."

This community is the quintessential example of the mentality in which many American Jewish communities are still stuck. Religious or secular, right-wing or left-wing, so-called "Zionist" or so-called anti-"Zionist," it doesn't matter.

Am I being too harsh?

There is a story of Resh Laqish,.... Well, see for yourselves....

תלמוד בבלי יומא ט,ב
ריש לקיש הוי סחי בירדנא אתא רבה בר בר חנה יהב ליה ידא א"ל אלהא סנינא לכו דכתיב (שיר השירים ח:ט) "אם חומה היא נבנה עליה טירת כסף ואם דלת היא נצור עליה לוח ארז" אם עשיתם עצמכם כחומה ועליתם כולכם בימי עזרא נמשלתם ככסף שאין רקב שולט בו עכשיו שעליתם כדלתות נמשלתם כארז שהרקב שולט בו

Babylonian Talmud Yoma 9b
Resh Laqish was bathing in the Jordan [River] Rabba bar bar Hana came, and shook his hand. He [Resh Laqish] said to him God detests you Babylonians, as it is written (Song of Songs 8:9) "If she be a wall, we will build upon her a turret of silver; and if she be a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar." If you had made yourselves [as strong] as a wall, and all went up in the days of Ezra, you would have been likened to silver, which cannot rot; but as you did not, you were likened to cedar [wood] doors, in which rot can take hold.

There's a saying here in Israel which has become almost cliche.

"If only wealthy Jews from North and South America, Western Europe, Australia, Morocco, Turkey, etc. would stop sending money, and instead would bring it with them when they make aliyah, we could transform the Negev Desert, transform the economy, transform the region....

If only....

I try to remember that it's not their faults. It seems that two thousand years of galuth (diasporan living) can really cement a people's disconnection from its homeland.

Still, it is one of the jobs of those of us, Yehudei Eretz Yisra'el, to warn them, the Babylonians.

Do you want to be part of the 20 percent making it out of Egypt, or the 80 percent who didn't?

It's your decision.

The "Rebbe"

16 of the Sixth Month 5768

When anyone starts trying to talk to me about what "The" Rebbe said, or what "The" Rebbe did, I love to start in with him.

BY (Me): "Oh, which rebbe would that be?"

CN: "You know. The REBBE."

BY: "Um,...well, there are lots of 'rebbes.' Are you talking about the Toldos Avraham Yitzhaq Rebbe?"

CN: "No!."

BY: "The Belzer Rebbe?"

CN: "No! THE Rebbe."

BY: "The Karliner Rebbe?"

CN: "No! THE REBBE."

BY: "Oh. You live in Givath Sha'ul. I'm sorry. You must mean the Stropkover Rebbe."

CN: "No! No! No! The REBBE!"

BY: "The Bostoner Rebbe? He's in Har-Nof."

CN: "NOOOOOOOOOOO! In America!"

BY: "The late Bobover Rebbe? I heard he was a big tzadiq."

CN: "NOOOOOOOOOOO! HE'S DEAD!"

BY: "Hmmm... In America. Still alive. The Biale Rebbe?"

CN: (By now turning red and apparently experiencing chest pains, while he crouches over...)
"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! The Lubavitcher Rebbe...." (out of breath)

Such arrogance! On the rare occasion that I'm in a Chabad schul, one of the few non-messianic places, fine. I should assume that you're talking about the Lubavitcher Rebbe. Otherwise, expect the response from me, recounted above. Can't you at least say "My Rebbe?"

I'm not going to let other communities off the hook either. When you talk about "The Rav," don't expect me to assume you're talking about Rabbi Soleveichik ZTZ"L, unless we're in a specific place or at a specific event related to a specific community. The same goes Rabbi Kahane hy"d, who is also referred to as "The Rav."

I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to someone go on about something that "The Rav" said, then asking him, "Did Rav Kahane say THAT? I don't remember him saying anything like THAT." It was very embarrassing,...not for me, but for the YU grad or NCSY madrich or the whomever. Once I wasn't really paying attention, and thought the other guy was quoting a sugiyah in the Talmud. (Did you get that?)

Why can't everyone just be a little bit more specific when referring to Rebbes, like...

Rav Naftali Tzvi (Bobov), Rav Kook, Rabbeinu Tzvi Yehudah (Kook), Rabbi Nahman (Breslov)....?

Yet, once I also heard someone talking about his rebbe, "Reb Hayim." I did a double-take, thinking he was talking about Rabbi Hayim of Vologin ZTZ"L. After coming back to Earth, I realized that he was obviously was not talking about Rabbi Hayim of Vologin ZTZ"L.

So, next time you meet me on the street, and you want to tell me about your "Rebbe," do me a favor, and be VERY specific. Also don't assume that everyone not on your same wavelength is wrong. You could end up having a rather rude awakening someday. Or worse, you could end up being subjected to the torture I describe above.

Where Do These People Come From?

3 of the Sixth Month 5768

A few years ago, I was dragged to an engagement party. Thank goodness it was over. Of course, I wasn't going to go in, as it was... mixed (whispered). I did take a peek inside the famous "shul" hosting the shindig. I couldn't help it; I was intrigued....

Well, after my anticlimactic peek, I escaped back outside, leaving behind a dwindling pontification about kevunnah during particular days of S'firus haOimer. Colors like purple and chartreuse also fit into it somehow. But I didn't stick around long enough to find out why.

Whew! Fresh air! Not for long, though, as I couldn't help but catch the conversation between my [not anymore] friend and some woman he knew. They bumped into each other, while I was inside the "shul." Actually, it wasn't really a conversation, but more like a monologue....

I'm giving a shee'eer. You should come to my shee'eer. Did I tell you I'm giving a shee'eer? Yes, Rabbi so-and-so is away, so I'm giving his shee'eer. You could learn a lot from my shee'eer. You should really come to my shee'eer. Why aren't you coming to my shee'eer?

I can't even pronounce the word shee'eer. Can you? Did she perhaps mean shi'ur? My gaivah-radar alarm went off almost immediately. So, I stayed off to the side, pretending to admire the architecture of the "shul." It was a good thing, too. No one could see my eyes popping out of their socket.

Oh, and before anyone starts harassing me about this irritating incident involving a woman, let me just say that it would irritated me equally if it had been a man.

I once overheard another women say something like the following. Once again, it could easily have been a man.

He's a raaaaabbi. He has smeeeeecha. Are you a raaaaabbi? Do you have smeeeeecha? You don't have smeeeeecha. YOU're not a raaaaabbi. You have to stand for a raaaaabbi. I heard a raaaaabbi once say that you have to, so that means that you do.

It seems that she was talking about some kid taken off of his skateboard, given the Sha"S in English to read, taught how to dress, to shuckle and to give a good speech. And, voila! You're a raaaaabbi.

Just for the record, I am all for providing kids on skateboards with Torah education. Better to let them keep their skateboards and provide them with a real Torah education, than to make him a pawn of some "raaaaabbi's" empire.

I felt sympathy for this woman. She didn't know much about Judaism. Not knowing is one thing. But she thought she did. And, I don't think she wanted anyone to tell differently. She's stuck,...like a lot of us are in various ways.

Where do these people come from? Oh, yeah, 2.000 years of galuth....

We are in big trouble spiritually.

(sigh)