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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Top Ten Words and Phrases of תשס"ו/5766

6 of the Seventh Month

The following is the long-awaited list of Top Ten Words and Phrases of תשס"ו/5766. This is an annual tradition. Yet, this is also the first time I am posting the list to my blog.

Most of you will have no clue what this is about; it's one of those inside jobs. You may surprise yourself, though, by understanding some of the items on the list. And so, you may laugh [& cry] along with us....

Shannah Tovah.

10. (tie) "That's offensive!"

10. (tie) Big Salad "It's like a small salad with lots of STUFF in it." - Elaine Benes

9. How did those Arabic posters ever get put up in Yaffo?

8. South Park (self-explanatory)

7. The Gedud (pronounced "juh-DUDE")

6. Liberated Olives (from SBD)

5. Ghettolicious (from DMR)

4. Blame Canada

3. Giv'ah (pronounced "jeev-AH")

2. Shfar'am (in honor of E HY"D, E, Y, & Y)

And the top word or phrase of תשס"ו/5766 is...


1. The Dirah (pronounced "DEE-rah")

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Rosh HaShannah 5767: The Erev Rav is at it again....

4 of the Seventh Month 5767

Can you guess from where and from when the following news headlines came?

"Man Arrested for Blowing Shofar"

"Jews Told Not to Leave their Homes during Certain Hours"


Your first guess might be Germany of the 1930's.

Nope.

Perhaps present day Saudi Arabia or Iran.

Nope. Don't you remember? Saudi Arabia does not even allow Jews within its borders. And, former Iranian President Katami once even took the time to stage a visit to a synagogue at the end of Shabbath.

Perhaps Israel during the British Mandate.

Nope.

How about yesterday in Israel? Hard to believe? Not really.

I'll refer you to the following articles by Arutz 7's Hillel Fendel, Fast of the Seventh Month 5767/Sept. 25, 2006, for the background information:

Man Arrested for Blowing Shofar at Western Wall
Restrictions On Old City Jews During Ramadan

Blowing the Shofar at the Wailing WallA student of Zilberman's Yeshivah in Jerusalem's Old City was attacked by police yesterday at the "Kotel HaQatan"for blowing the shofar (horn of a kosher animal other than a cow) and for not stopping his prayers at their command. Jewish Law forbids a Jew from interrupting his central shmonah esrei prayer except for reasons related to saving his or another Jew's life. One would think that a praying Jew does not have to fear death from the Israeli police. One would think.... Apparently, that was also one of the thoughts on the mind of Eliyahu Kleiman, while he ignored police demands, and continued to focus on his prayers on Rosh HaShannah.

One would also think that someone in the Israeli police force, especially in the Old City of Jerusalem would know this law. One would think....

My sources indicate that Eliyahu blew shofar during the musaf prayer, as is the custom. The police wanted him to stop. They attacked Eliyahu when they saw that he would not cease. They dragged him away, released him as they did not see him to be a threat, at which point Eliyahu returned to his prayer. The musaf prayer for Rosh HaShannah encompasses acknowledging the Sovereignty of the Almighty, asking the Almighty to recall his covenant with our ancestors, and the Shofar, calling upon the Jewish People to repent.

It is incumbent upon all Jews to hear the Shofar blown on Rosh HaShannah. Eliyahu was helping Jews to do that misswah (Torah commandment). The police were doing the opposite, preventing Jews from doing misswoth.

Why? My sources report that the police were concerned about upsetting the Arabs, thus plopping a riot into their hands.

The Erev Rav, the descendants of the false converts who came out of Egypt with us, strike again, preventing Jews from praying and blowing the Shofar, in the name of not wanting to anger the Yishma'elim (Arabs).

I thought that's one of the reasons we Jews fought to come to Israel in the first place, to have the freedom to be and act Jewish in a Jewish Homeland, and to have the relief of no longer fearing the oppression and cruelty of the goyim (non-Jew's). One would think....

Jews ForbibbenMeanwhile,...

Elsewhere in the Old City, Jewish residents were instructed to stay inside their homes during certain evening hours. Once again this was to lessen any chance that Islamic extremists would get upset by the Jewish presence during their holy month of Ramadan, and "start something."

Where else have Jews had their movements restricted in their own cities of residence?

During Jewish holidays, in particular the one-day [in Israel, two outside of Israel] holiday of Shavu'oth, Jews make their way en masse to the Old City. Just like this Rosh HaShannah, Jews are prevented from entering through the Shkhem (Damascus) Gate on the north wall, yet Arab movements are not restricted. They open up shop as usual, conveniently placing piles of melon in the middle of the thoroughfare, or conveniently deciding to wash down the already slippery stone walk ways just when Jews are arriving for the early morning prayers.

Freedom of movement within the Jewish Homeland without fear of being forced back into ghettos,...and certainly not by others claiming to be Jewish. One would think....

More headlines:

ADL Slams MK Effie Eitam's Statements on Transfer of Arabs

Just say 'NO' to the ADLThe self-hating, ghetto-Jew words of the ADL are so abhorrent to me I find it difficult to place them on my blog. However, it is more important for these words to be in your face, thus I will place a few here. I'll refer you to the Arutz 7 article above for more.

ADL: "Such inflammatory statements are irresponsible and display an ugly and abhorrent bigotry against other peoples and leads to incitement...."

Although there is certainly hallachic precedent for trying to "get along" with the goyim outside of Eress Yisrael (See works by Rabbi Moshe Feinstein ZTz"L), the ADL obviously knows nothing really substantial of Torah and its application in within Eress Yisrael (See Mishnah Torah Hil. Avodah Zarah & Hil. Melechim u'Milhamotheha).

The ADL would seem to have Jews in Eress Yisrael just sit by an be slaughtered, all in the name of "peace" with our neighbors.

The ADL's "write a letter, make it better" policy does exactly the opposite here. Either they have no clue as to the damage they are doing,...or they do. You be the judge.

MK Effie EtomMK Effie Etom Attacked at AmonaMK Effie Eitam, I applaud your efforts. You have certainly woken up a bit to the current reality in Israel. May you soon merit the full understanding that Torah Law supersedes the Israeli secular law in Eress Yisrael, whenever they are in conflict.

But, so far, you seem to have gotten it only half right. You have finally woken up to the need [and hallachah] to throw out the non-Jewish hostile element from the Land. But, what about our [apparently] Jewish enemies, the Erev Rav?

Said in the name the name of the Vilna Gaon, he who does not fight against the Erev Rav, defends them (Kol HaTor).

May this year bring the completion of the Ge'ulah (Redemption),...however politically-incorrect it may seem.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

An Israel South Park Moment

Mossa'ei Shabbath Qodesh Parshath Ki Thavo 5766

There I was on a Friday, sitting in a park in the neighborhood of Nahla'oth, a Jerusalem neighborhood where I can rarely be seen (long story for another time), when I was disturbed from my relatively pleasant, Nahla'oth experience.

In Israel, we do not have annoying, semi-tame squirrels and pigeons which harrass the humans for their scraps. No. We have annoying cats and doves. Even though I am a cat-lover, I must admit that I, too, am annoyed by the wild cats. I am even very careful not to touch them for fear of ring-worm or other such FTD's (Feline Transmitted Diseases).

So, while I was eating my not so Mid-Eastern breakfast and trying to read, this little, black kitten, which could not have been more than six weeks old, started to rub up against my leg, and me'ow.

Almost without thinking, and I say almost because I could see this coming, I started to raise my voice at the kitten:

"No, Kitty! Those are my borekkas!"

That did not deter him, so a little louder, I repeated:

"NO, KITTY! Those are MY borekkas!"

But he just continued to me'ow,...just like Eric Cartman's Kitty on the hit cartoon show "South Park."

I started to laugh, because of the absurdity of what happening. People passing by surely thought I crazy, both for laughing and for not chasing away the kitten more effectively. Nonetheless, I didn't want the episode to end. Afterall, we fans have been having to wait many moons for the next, new episode of "South Park" (Uh-hum), due to this bizarre break in the middle of the season (hint, hint). Go figure....

Thus, the episode continued....

"NO, KITTY! Those are MY borekkas and ice mocha!" "NO, KITTY!

But, this tiny kitten had such hutzpah (nerve/gaul), it started to climb onto the park bench where I was sitting. Imagine!

Me, as a South Park characterSoon after I scared the kitten away from its fifth attempt at climbing up onto the park bench, I got up to leave, believing that I had something more important to do.

Then it really hit me. There are two parks in Nahla'oth, one in the north, and one in the south.

You guessed it. I was in the park in the south, the "south park."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

CNN Complicity? Or Parapraxisity?

Mossa'ei Shabbath Qodesh Parshath Ki Thesse 5766

So, there I was, minding my own busines,...well, sort of,...checking out something which Barry Zilberman suggested people check out, something about kids in Qiryath Sh'moneh collecting... and giving CNN an earfull about it, when I bumped into the following news item:


Israeli dies in rocket attack
A rocket attack near Nasariyah, Israel, killed one person. (August 2)



Is it me, or does Nasariyah sound just a little too much like Nasrallah YSh"W?

I mean, Netanyah was named for Natan (Strauss), right? And Hertzliyah was named for Hertzl, right?

Oh, I suppose some of you are worried about the missing "L"-sound from Nasariyah, and how that might poke a hole or two in my logic. So, let me remind you that the "allah" in Nasrallah simply means "God" or "of God" (leHavdil), just like, you guessed it, the Hebrew "yah." Get it now?

Sigmund FreudNow, of course, this simply could have been an innocent occurance of parapraxis (commonly referred to as a "Freudian slip"). It most definitely was not a typographical error, as we all know that CNN is incapable of such things. The only questions which remain are "Did CNN slip up in revealing the secret desires of Hizbollah YSh"W? Or did CNN slip up in revealing its own secret desires and interests?

CNN LIESHere in Israel, we are all familiar with those bumper stickers about CNN. So, I am sure it does not come as a surprise to any of us this latest "accident." But, are we now going to have to make new bumper stickers? And what should they say? "CNN slips?" "CNN routes for the Arabs?" Or how about "CNN Likes the Arabs?" That way we can do our part to protect the environment by reducing the amount of material produced. We'll just have to print the "K," cut the old bumper sticker, insert the the "K," and then add "the Arabs" at the bottom with a black marking pen.

Oh, and in case anyone wants to come after me with legal action for my hypothetical suggestions, please do. I could use the free publicity. Besides, I'll just say it was a [very extended] "Freudian slip."

All's fair in love and war,... and parapraxis.
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