Sunday, April 22, 2012

What Shidduch Crisis?

For the past, I don't know how many, years, we have been inundated by the term "shidduch crisis."

What we here at The Yiddishe Cup would like to know is: "What Shidduch Crisis?"

We are being told by those in the female dominated shadkanut industry that one aspect of the crisis is the overabundance of single women, in particular, an overabundance of single women in their 30's. But, where are all of these single women in their 30's? I have met some. But, are there really so many of them that it constitutes a crisis? I don't think so.

We are also being told by those in the female dominated shadkanus industry that in order to solve the "shidduch crisis," we men must make some changes in our attitudes.

We are being told that we must be more "open-minded," and that we must take a serious look at ourselves (as if we don't already), and see the truth that we're not the "prizes" that we think we are. "Prizes?" Do all of us, Jewish men, think that we're "prizes" that we easily marry a supermodel with a Ph. D.? No. this is not the average Jewish man that female matchmakers want to convince us that we are.

And what does "open-minded" mean? The extensive research by The Yiddishe Cup Team has revealed the following:

1. Open-mindedness means considering women who are SIGNIFICANTLY older than we are. It seems to be OK for women to pine after young meat, but not men. All through the Tanakh, older men marry younger, if not much younger women. Yet, now, we are being told, no, COMMANDED, to do the opposite, because of the supposed "shidduch crisis."

2. Open-mindedness means accepting every word of the mostly female matchmakers as fact, when they do our חשבון נפש (inventory). We aren't that handsome. We aren't that smart. We aren't that much of a catch. Our standards are incredibly unrealistic, so we must lower them considerably.

But, maybe the "overabundance" of single women need to take a serious look at themselves, just as men are constantly told to do. Have these women ever thought of that?

3. Open-mindedness means that if we date a woman three times, and find that we have nothing (and I mean nothing) in common, that we must still "give it a chance."

Give it a chance?! We have NOTHING in common! What is this shadkanit trying to pull?!

4. Open-mindedness means that we must be willing to date a woman who is 400 lbs. and has to shave on a daily basis. Maybe these women just aren't supposed to get married. Maybe their genetic material just isn't supposed to be passed on. (I intend to write more on the issue of genetics in a later post.)

5. Open-mindedness means that we have to accept that "maybe she will lose the weight," even though we know that obesity can negatively affect conception, and can be dangerous for mother and baby, even if she does conceive.

The Yiddishe Cup feels for these women, not because they are unattractive, but because they are being duped, instead of being given helpful counsel as to how to make improvements in their lives, physically, as well as psychologically and spiritually! "Endocrinologist," "dermatologist," "Overeaters Anonymous," and "stomach banding" are words and phrases which you may hear, mentioned in a meeting between a shadkanit and an unmarried Jewish man, but which you would never hear in the same meeting with an unmarried Jewish woman!

The Yiddishe Cup calls this an industry, because these mostly female matchmakers are doing this for the money. The more couples they convince to get married, the more money they make.

If a couple gets divorced, do the ex-husband and ex-wife get their money back?

If they want to get divorced, because they were never the right match for each other in the first place, are they told that "relationships take work," and that they're "not trying hard enough?" Are these mostly female matchmakers EVER going to be held accountable?

When the obvious conflict of interest is pointed out to them, do they just laugh it off, and try to put it off on us men? Young men are taken advantage of due to their naiveté, or in some cases their over-anxiousness to get (laid) married; older men are told to do more middot work, or labeled "damaged goods," and blackballed from dating women from certain communities, women under the spell of the shadkaniot.

Ladies, we're on to you, and we're not going to take it anymore! You are the ones with the shidduch crisis on your hands.

And it is going to get even worse, as we publish testimony from men recounting their shadkanit horror stories.

In the meantime, we REFUSE to lower our standards; we REFUSE to date women significantly older than we are.

There are supposedly more of them than us, so why should we?

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