Monday, June 18, 2012

Guest Post: America's Self-Proclaimed Rabbi

I don't know what I'm doing posting this from my good friend "Zalman Stern."  I'm sure I'm crossing any number of lines here.   But, what the hell.  Worse comes to worse, I'll have a little extra drama in my life.  OK.  So, here it goes.  Please, don't shoot the messenger,...too much.

Guest Post: America's Self-Proclaimed Rabbi
"Zalman Stern"
When I lived in the U.S. he sure as hell wasn't my Rabbi. In fact, the vast majority of religious Jews across the spectrum have no interest in this dangerous buffoon. In the more committed circles of yahadut, he is understandingly viewed as a type of virus. Anyone committed to authentic torah immediately sees through the veneer of this self-promoting, egotistical, self-indulgent, Torah distorting hellenist. I got to thinking about the kinds of titles we might very well see from this man, who churns out his recycled, tired filth with the efficiency of a horse.
  • Kosher Buddha
  • Kosher Ba'al: Releasing The Holy Sparks Within Ancient Idolatry
  • Kosher Ganush: 
  • Kosher Muhammed
  • Kosher Jesus: Book II & III
  • Kosher Sodomy- Why Orthodox Judaism Should Embrace Gay Relationships
  • Kosher Cunnilingus
  • Kosher Kinky
  • Kosher Viagra-How Modern Medicine Saved Elder Intimacy
  • Sex Positions of the Chasidic Masters
  • Erotic Games From the Shtetl
  • The Rabbi's Guide To Beavers
  • Foreplay of the Chasidic Masters
  • Rosie and I: Reflections on Narcissism and Self-Indulgence
  • Shabbos with Peter Pan: Shabbos with the King of Pop
  • The Michael Jackson Tapes: Part II-The Secret Interviews
  • Top Ten Conversations You Need To Have With Rosie O'Donnell
  • Breaking Bread With Missionaries
  • How I Saved Rwanda From A Second Genocide
  • Healing The World: The Holiness of Pop Celebrities
  • Dating Secrets of the Tanya
  • Tantalizing Tanya: How Studying the Tanya Can Put The Spark Back In the Bedroom
  • Secrets Of The Beard: How To Use Your Beard in Intimate Encounters
  • Mitnagdic Frigidity: How Cold Litvaks Can Jumpstart their Sex Lives
  • Saving Michael: MyTireless Efforts To Save The King Of Pop from Self-Destruction.
  • Free Willy-The Torah's Approach To Spontaneous Intimacy
  • My Pal, Al: Conversations with Al Sharpton in Manhattan's Prime Grill Restaurant
  • Don't Fear The Cross- Why Missionaries Are Our Friends
  • The Rabbi and the Cross
  • Shabbos For Gentiles: Why Gentiles Need To Accept The Jewish Sabbath
  • The Pope's Rabbi: How I Became the Pope's Rabbi in 15 Minutes
  • The Wisdom Of Islam: A Rabbi's Study Of The True Koran
  • Not In My Yard: How I Saved the town of Englewood (and the world) from Ghaddafi
  • King of Oxford: How My Time At Oxford Saved British Jewry
  • Top Ten Reasons I Should Become The Next Chief Rabbi Of England
  • Chanukah In Neverland
  • Horny For The Holidays- Sex Secrets of the High Holidays
  • Horny& Heilig
  • I Am Shmuley
  • How I Became Shmuley
  • The Holiness of Shtup Nacht
  • Sex Secrets of the Shtetl
  • How To Obtain Devekos With Dildos
  • Spontaneous Erections: Secrets To A Kosher Marriage
  • Handcuffs, Lace, and Gartels
  • Lessons From An Upright Lulav

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