Sunday, July 01, 2012

Top 15 Ways To Act Like An Am Ha'Aretz! (riff-raff) - Updated!

12 of the Fourth Month 5772

15.  Talk as loudly as humanly possible on your cell phone in an enclosed area, totally oblivious to the people around you.

14. Forget to take your wedding band off, while pretending to be Haredi.

13. (Women) Talk to your friend across the street by shouting back and forth.

12. Yell, "Minhah, Minhah!" and then "Ashrei yoshvei vesekha...!" as loud as you possibly can, at minhah time for before a wedding,...even though you, yourself, almost never daven minhah.

11. Talk to your friends when you've finished the silent amidah.  After all, it's not the repetition, when that's assur, right?

10. (Women) Sit down next to Haredi men on the bus,... so that they all have to get up.

9. Eat sunflower seeds in schul,...while serving as the gabbai.

8. (Women) "Accidentally" brush up against the men at your Shabbath table,...and be really obvious about it.

8. Make a Pssst! sound and snap your fingers to get someones attention I, to give him an aliyah.

7. (Women) Breast feed in public, where everyone can see you,...even though you're not covered up, and your bare breast is quite visible.

6. Play your guitar on the bus, at a bus stop, or tremping stop, totally oblivious to the possibility that those around you might not want to listen to your music.

5. Yell corrections of the Torah reading as loudly as you possibly can,...even though you're almost always wrong.

4. Say Birkath HaMazon or pray as loudly as possible, totally oblivious as to how this prevents others from concentrating.

3. Clap during your prayers, because you think it helps your kewannah, , totally oblivious as to how this prevents others from concentrating.

2. Get on other men's case for not going to the miqwah enough (custom), while you continue to sleep with your girlfriend (negative commandment). 

And the number one way to act like an Am Ha'Aretz is to...

1. Yell furiously at people, "When you violate the laws of the State of Israel, you violate the Torah!"

List your contributions in the comments sections!


Metatron said...

Wow you still can't stand that guy who did #1

Esser Agaroth said...

No. It's just SO absurd! I had to put it on the list!

You Might Also Like...