Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Fire Phasers! On Lebanon?

14 of the Fifth Month 5766

The USS Enterprise Attacking Lebanon
Photos like this one have been popping up here and there, ever since the Reuters photo-doctoring scandal broke. Yes, I know it's shocking that anyone contributing to such a reputable institution as Reuters would do such a thing (sic.). Nonetheless....

One independent journalist (anonymity protected) was quoted as saying that this photo is an obvious fake due to the absence of a Star of David. That's pretty weak if you ask me. The Arabs would be the first to jump up and yell, "Zionist conspiracy! They purposely paint over their national insignia and jam their transponder frequencies in an attempt to escape identification."

As a Star Trek expert (ie "geek"), I feel it is my obligation to proclaim to you the irrefutable evidence that this is photo is a fake.

You see, the original USS Enterprise was a Constitution class starship, and thus unable to navigate through the earth's atmosphere. I know that it's very easy for you lay-people to get confused. Perhaps you recall witnessing the USS Voyager commanded by Capt. [now Admiral] Janeway, landing on the surface of various planets, and thought to yourself, "Hey, if the voyeur can land on an M-class planet, then so can the Enterprise. And, if the Enterprise can navigate through the earth's atmosphere, then maybe this photo isn't a fake after all." Wrong! These two space vessels are completely different classes of ship. The USS Voyager is an Intrepid class ship. It is a well-known fact the old Constitution class ship was not designed to navigate safely through planetary atmospheres.

Well, now that I've cleared that up for you, I must say that Sultan Knish and then Jameel @ The Muqata, among countless others I'm sure, beat me in posting this photo way before me. I, myself, received it from "Frodo" in Israel, via various middlemen.

(20 of the Fifth Month: This just in: It has been confirmed that Sultan Knish was indeed the creator of this mocked up photo. Apparently, in applying for a position at Reuters, the application asked for....)

But, hey, that's the whole point of this blog, to provide my infinitely invaluable and highly opinionated [I hope] "Esser Agaroth" on world events and life's little surprises. Of course, I'll probably be the only one to get sued for copyright infringement, or at the very least a nasty e-mail from StarTrek.com, canceling my subscription to its e-newsletter.

Stay tuned!

And, of course, may the almighty protect us, and grant us victory over our enemies. war is no laughing matter, but it often reveals some of those absurdities inherent in human behavior.


Interested in contributing? E-mail me.


Daniel Greenfield said...

while you are correct that the constitution class was not designed to enter a planet's atmosphere, this is clearly a retrofitted constitution class probably due to ship shortages during the dominion war

we can only speculate on the series of events that brought it here but I additionally wouldn't rule out the possibility that this is a mirror universe vessel which due to the nature of their regime could indeed operate in atmospheres

Chana @ Lemon Lime Moon said...

Sultan Knish didnt just post that photo..he made it.

Esser Agaroth said...

B"H Retrofitted? (puzzled lood) I think you mean "resurected," don't you? I don't remember seeing any Constellation or Excellsion class ships during the Dominion War, let alone Constitution class. I suppose I could have "missed" them.

I certainly can't refute your claim about parallel universe exchange. I am a bit surprised you didn't try to convence me of the authenticity of the photo (which I just heard a rumor that YOU created it) using a "predestination paradox" time-travel scenario.

Esser Agaroth said...

B"H Thank you for the information. I await his denial or confirmation or both.

Lurker said...

Sorry, but you're way off the mark on the atmosphere issue. While Constitution class starships were not originally intended for atmospheric navigation, they are certainly capable of it, at least for brief periods. This can be seen clearly in the TOS episode Tomorrow is Yesterday (stardate 3113.2) where the Enterprise was displaced by a time warp into the year 1969. The Enterprise found itself directly above the U.S. Air Force base in Omaha Nebraska, well within Earth's atmosphere, as can be seen in this classified photo taken by Capt. John Christopher, who piloted a interceptor F-104 on a close approach to the "UFO".

Forthermore, mideast intelligence analysts have found evidence that following procurement, the Israeli Air Force refitted their Constitution class ships for enhanced atmospheric navigation. This was the initiative of Defense Minister Amir Peretz, who intended the refit to enable the ships to carry out search-and-destroy missions against unauthorized Maquis settlements in the Badlands (aka the West Bank).

So clearly, the photo is genuine. The only question is how the Reuters photographer managed to capture it on film. Obviously, the IDF has been using illegal Romulan cloaking technology to hide its fleet of starships from international observers and the media. While the ship's cloaking device may have temporarily malfunctioned, one cannot discount the distinct possibility that Iran has been supplying Hizbollah with new technology capable of penetrating the IDF's cloaking fields...

Esser Agaroth said...

B"H Lurker, The photo is compelling. However, I do not find any indication, neither in Memory-Alpha, nor in
StarTrek.com which suggests that the Enterprise entered the atmosphere. The range of the tractor beam is sufficient to traverse the layers fo atmosphere, with the fighter pilot flying farily high up himself.

Regarding Amir Sheretz, it is well-known fact that he is and idiot when it comes to anything having to doing with the military [or for that matter economics]. So, that easily refutes your theoty about his "initiative."

Although, I have to agree with your application of "Maquis," some Jewish communities ahve a tradition to refrain from naming a child after one who has met an tragic demise, or at least alter the name somehow. If you recall the Maquis were wiped out during the Dominion War.

Oh, yes, and I'm sure you meant "unauthorized" from the perspective of evil government officials. The Almight has "authorized" the founding of these towns. That's good enough for me. Likewise your use of the term "west bank" is technically correct. I would use it too, if I thought that the Jewish People were on the spiritual level to realize fully that the "east bank" belongs to us too. In the meantime, I prefer "Yehudah & Shomron."

The cloaking technology is not illegal. It's on lone from the Romulans. If you recall, Capt. Sisko "fudged" the loan agreement on numerous occasions. That's what we're doing.

Thank yo9u for your in depth analysis, especially for your information regarding the Arabs' ability to penetrate cloaking technology. Is that through the use of a tackion pulse?

Daniel Greenfield said...

yes I made it, while the ship is not designed to enter atmosphere, the reality is it probably could without being destroyed but sustaining some damage

a key point is that voyager was not merely designed to enter planetary atmospheres but actually land on them,

Esser Agaroth said...

So you're the culprit! This is nothing less than incitement against our neighbors! So you want to make them even more upset? Do you want to upset the UN and EU? It's all our fault (sic.)

(codependent tongue firmly planted in codependent cheek)

See above for an addendum to thiis post.

Daniel Greenfield said...

indeed, as a side note the current un resolution is numbered 1701, clearly a reference to the enterprise...future resolutions may be numbered 1701-A or 1701-E

Hillel Levin said...

Beam me up Scotty.

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