OK,... This is it...
I'm single and I'm approaching the age equivalent of the Answer to The Ultimate Question Of Life, the Universe and Everything. (*If you're a woman who understands this literary reference, then you've already earned points in my book!)Now, if you have never been offended by anything I've written, then you probably WILL be by this post.
I don't care. I'm at my wit's end. Besides, this post will provide many of you with the opportunity to rip me apart,...I mean "providing me with constructive criticism."
Please do so via "Comments" to this post below.
The clock is ticking, as "they" say. So a couple of weeks ago, I finally put up a profile on J-Date.I had to do something. Why not try...
"JDate: The Leading Jewish Singles Network! Explore the Possibilities."
I told my roommate. But, he quickly responded with, "What?! There are hardly any frum people on J-Date! Make a profile on DosiDate."
"Oh, yeah. Right...."
"Whether you are Modern Orthodox, Dati Leumi, Yeshivish, Haredi, Hassidish, or just plain shomer Mitzvot, DosiDate is the place to find your match."
As you can see, I'm pretty out of touch with this kind of stuff. So, I thanked him for the tip, and promptly signed up,...that is, when he let me get on his computer.
Years ago, I was traumatized by horror stories of shadkaniot (female match-makers), recounted to me by fellow single men. There are, of course, good shadkaniot out there. My friends and acquaintances just apparently never came across any of them. Since these same men are relatively self-aware, able to accept constructive criticism, interested in self-improvement AND married with children, their horrendous experiences couldn't possibly have been THAT subjectively biased.
Women intruding into every intimate detail of a young man's life, on the pretense of examining his fitness as a potential husband, and then setting him up with a young woman who shared absolutely nothing in common with him.
...And I'm being VERY kind in this description.
Shadkaniot horror stories were not the only reasons I became paralyzed with "shiddukh phobia." In fact, now that I think about it, women have actually been pretty helpful over the years, in their fruitless attempts to marry me off. They have also been exceedingly patient with me and tolerant of my idiosyncrasies.
Ads have also seemed to be a hopeless endeavor. All women represented in shiddukh seem to desire perfection, and seem to think they're gonna get it. I guess I can't blame them for being honest and straightforward. "Perfection" includes either an "academic" or a Talmid Hakham in the making [or both], who will provide her with a "comfortable lifestyle."
We men cracked the code long ago. So, we know what "comfortable lifestyle" means.
Wealthy.
In the meantime, here is my DosiDate profile for your scrutiny,...and for you to forward around the universe, in order for you to assist me in finding my beshertah (one destined to be my other half).
My additions to the stock selection of answers this provides are in (parentheses), and/or italics, and/or with an asterisk*, emphasizing that I'm anything but a set of stock answers.
Hashkafa: Dati Leumi (*"Torani," NOT "Mamlakhti")
Religious Background: from a traditional family, not a Cohen (*mixed very frum & secular - long story, Litvak, Hassidish, Sefardi - an even longer story)
Eda (ethnicity): mixed/other (*I refuse to cow-tow down to this galuthi label.)
Jewish Education: shiurim/hevrutot
Torah Learning: several times weekly
Tefilah: three times daily
Head Covering: crocheted (sruga) kippa big, black "hill-top" kippah"
Tzitzit: always (*hope to make soon, or have made, a proper four-cornered garment)
Grew up in: California
Secular Education: Masters
Profession: Psychotherapist & Educator
Willing to relocate? yes (*within Israel, but please, no English-speaking ghettos - not that there's anything wrong with that; currently thinking about moving back to Jerusalem)
IDF Service: too old to serve when made aliya
Physical Attributes: 5' 8" / 172cm tall, chubby build (*My chest still sticks out farther than my stomach, though; payoth in front of ears, (currently) trimmed beard), non-smoker (*No drugs including alcohol)
Political Beliefs: right wing
Hobbies and interests: beach, coffee, Ramba"m, authentic Judaism, politics, writing, art
This is how I describe myself:
A native of Southern California, I have lived in Israel for 10 years, five of which in the Shomron. I am currently planning to move back to Jerusalem, but am open to living in any number of places in Israel, save for English-speaking ghettos (not that there's anything wrong that,...just not for me). I have a Master's in clinical psych., so I fill the cliche "academic" requirement of most women.I am a jack of all trades, having worked in a variety of positions.I never intend to be wealthy. It's just not going to happen. At least I'm honest, and do not have any false, unrealistic hopes.
I do learn, but am not one to sit and learn all day, nor is this suggested by the Ramba"m, but ssshhh, don't tell anyone. I do not accept "da'as torah" as an halachic response to a halachic question,...because it just isn't.I have little tolerance for the Michnah Brurah police.
I identify as a Yehudi Eress Yisraeli. If you insist on putting me into a box, then put me into the Harda"l/Tzioni-Torani crowd: A Zionist who cars not only about settling the Land, but for all misswoth. I am also interested in Halachic research, and revealing the truth, even when politically-incorrect.
Why am I not married yet? It's a fair question. At the risk of sounding cliche, I wasn't ready to be a husband until recently. And, yes, I was still bound by some silly, galuthi notions of what a marriage should be like.
This is what I am looking for in a mate:
I am looking for a woman who is independent, yet doesn't talk loudly on her cell phone on the bus, intelligent and expressive, yet soft-spoken.
You are creative, maybe artistic, yet modest, both in dress and in personality and behavior. You are interested in growing and developing, psychologically and spiritually. You want to communicate, and know that includes listening, but does not include "taking my inventory," nor expecting me to read your mind.
You know that there is a difference between halachah and Israeli law, and that halachah overrides the other (ie. You are not a Mamlachtiyah.).
You want to live in Eress Yisrael. If you don't currently know Hebrew, you're interested in learning.
You are soft-spoken, and do not feel compelled to to "talk Torah with the men," even if you do know more than they do. You are above that.
You support separate seating for men and women, even at our Shabbath table. You recognize this as being as an important component of tzni'uth, not "oppressive" and "archaic."
*Tzni'uth in my mind means....
livush (dress) = sleeves below the elbow, stockings, no tight clothes, no low neck lines, hair completely covered, no sheitlach nor huge, purple turbans, no red dresses nor flashy & bizarre colors. No pants/trousers of any kind whatsoever, not over, not under. No. Just thought it would be a good idea to get that out of the way.
personality = mentioned above.
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OK, so now, before you rant and rave, please notice that I have yet to mention anything about a prospective wife's physical appearance. I hope that women will at least count this in my favor. As closed-minded as I may appear to be in the above profile, I cannot be accused of be partisan to the "oppressive female body image expectations instituted by society's patriarchal hierarchy." I'm being sarcastic here, but you get my point.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Who knows? Maybe you know the perfect woman for me. Don't keep it a secret. Let me right away. "They" say that the clock is ticking.
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