Pass The Dairy Spatula, Please...

14 of the Fifth Month 5768

So, I come home tonight, hungry, and there isn't any food in the house.

No nothing. No potatoes for the deep fryer. Rice takes too long. No vegetables, unless you count canned baby corn and tinned mushrooms I was saving for some Shabbath.

(Yes, I realize that tinned mushrooms are assur according to gourmet halacha, but we'll argue about that in another post.)

Well, I guess you can tell how healthy I have been eating lately.

Just some eggs, a can of tuna, and for some reason, a couple of slices of cheese.

I almost never cook dairy. I'm not dairy intolerant or anything. I just don't cook it. On the rare occasion that I do, I throw something into my roommate's toaster (sandwich maker). That's our luxurious, "dairy appliance." His toaster oven is for meat; my blender is parve, blah, blah, blah...

Not a terribly exciting kitchen, but it forces us to be creative. I haven't posted any meat recipes calling for an oven, because I can't provide accurate temperature settings, as the oven's numbers on the dial are off. Over time, I have learned what they mean, but that would be meaningless to you with your ovens.

But I digress....

As I mentioned above, I found eggs, tuna, and cheese. Dry It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that an omelet is the most likely conclusion.

And, no, I obviously do not hold by the [copying] mistake in the Shulhan Arukh regarding fish and dairy together. Yes, everyone, it's a mistake. I await the onslaught of your e-hate mail and comments.

But, yet again, I digress....

Fry the tuna in a little bit of canola oil, or olive oil, on one side of the pan. I like to fry the hell out of it, until it starts to brown. No, I am not really concerned with breaking down all of the amino acids, nor stinking up the house. I am concerned with taste here.

Oh, I forgot. Where's the dairy pan? Oh, yeah, it's over there on the dairy counter.

Chop up some garlic, and fry that too, on another side of the pan. When it's almost to your liking, mix it up with the tuna. Push everything to one side of the pan.

Add two well-beaten eggs to the other side of the pan. After is cooks for a couple of minutes, scoop the tuna mixture onto the eggs on the other side of the pan.

Where's the dairy spatula?? Oh, it's over there, the white one. The meat one is black, and a different shape. Even I can't confuse the two.

I suppose that I should wash it first, huh? I notice the dairy knives in the sink look the same as the meat knives. Can't they get confused??

"No," my roommate says. "If the daily knives never leave the dairy counter [of our luxuriously small] kitchen, they can NEVER get confused with the meat knives."

Translation:
"Ya'aqov, don't treif up the kitchen or else!"

< sigh >

Add spices, like a little freshly chopped parsley, and top with your favorite cheese, or whatever cheese you happen to have in the fridge.

Add another well-beaten egg to the other side of the pan, so that it fills up any remaining pan surface. After it cooks for a couple minutes, flip the side with the tuna over, onto to the other side with the newly added egg.

Enjoy! (Why do recipes always with "Enjoy?!")

I wish I could provide you with a picture, but alas, I do not have a camera.

I'll just have to add it to my wish list I sent to Jacob Da Jew.