Sunday, March 23, 2008

Of Course You Know, This Means War!

Special 3rd Day of Purim for Walled Cities 5768

OK. This was the last straw. Rafi G. got his waffles personally delivered, as did Joe Settler.

I issued the following warning:

"Jameel? Jack? I know where the money's hidden; I know where the bodies are buried. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME!"

...but to no avail. My warning was not heeded. Thus I have no choice but to exact revenge.

I will now reveal Jameel's secret identity and location. Jameel is none other than... No, really! It's true, and I can prove it! First, notice the uncanny resemblance between these spy photos stolen from Joe and Rafi respectively, and Bugs Bunny's official face shot. (See how effectively the hat covers up his ears?) Second, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel Rashid is "5," and that of Bugs Bunny is "3." Both names contain 2 words. 2 plus 3 equals 5! The third bit of evidence comes from Bugs Bunny's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame." The star has 5 points, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel's name. Fourthly, the star is located in Los Angeles, the location of Jack. Jack is in the "Valley" where North Hollywood is. The star is in Hollywood. See how the pieces of the puzzle are coming together? By extension, this had led me to the implication of The Holy Hyrax in the conspiracy. Why? He's an Angelino, just like Jack. I don't know how he's involved in the conspiracy, but I know he is. We San Diegans learn early on in life not to trust Angelinos.

But, I digress....

Jameel Rashid, or rather Bugs, lives in none other than K'far Shmaryahu, next door to Shulamit Eloni YSh"W, widely known for her wearing of a halter top through the streets of Me'ah Sha'arim, in order to "make a point." (eyes rolling) Apparently, Shulamit doesn't get any waffles either. Jameel, you are truly evil, denying a former minister in the Israeli government her waffles! Have you no shame?!

If you don't care about me and Shulamit, then at least think of Batya. She was very upset at not receiving her waffles. Gila and Baila didn't either. I'll bet you stopped by Treppenwitz, and even DHL'd waffles to Ezzie.

You know what, Jameel? I don't even want your stupid, lousy waffles anymore! I'll bet their awful! Don't even THINK of coming over to my house, even though you have been invited several times, to deliver me any waffles. I do not want them! (Let's see if the Paradoxical Injunction -- that's the misnomer of "reverse psychology" to you silly lay-people -- will work!)

I'll get that Jameel, one way or another!


Jack Steiner said...

Don't even THINK of coming over to my house,

Does this reverse psychology ever work. ;)

Esser Agaroth said...

You're not even a native. You probably thinks it's OK to take the Santa Monica Frwy during rush hour.

I'm not revealing my shortcut.

Next time I'm in the U. S. (It's been 11 yrs.), I'll probably spend at least one Shabbath in North Hollywood. Then on Motza"sh, I can surprise you.

Batya said...

Let's have a waffle party, here in Shiloh. You guys bring the waffles; I'll make coffee. And G-d provides the gorgeous views.

Esser Agaroth said...

I don't like waffles anyway.

Besides, Jameel, Joe and I wouldn't want our precious pictures taken.

I was invited to Shilo for Shabbat, but he lives way down below. Every one else I know lives in your neighborhood.

Schlepping in this heat!

Jack Steiner said...

Too bad I am not in North Hollywood. BTW, it is Angeleno.

Secondly anyone who roots for the Padres clearly has questionable taste and judgment. ;)

Jack Steiner said...

You're not even a native. You probably thinks it's OK to take the Santa Monica Frwy during rush hour.

BTW, you do remember that the 10 is not even close to the Valley. Now the 405 does cross it as do the 118 and the 101.

Just in case you have forgotten.

Esser Agaroth said...

Yes, and it's San Diegueno, too, Spanish.

At least I'm a NATIVE Californian, something you'll never be.


I know you're not in NoHo. But you are in the Valley, I thought, just one or two bus rides away.

Don't start with my Padres!

It's not my fault we're still recovering from the 90's owners attempts to sell off the team and move it to Tampa.

Rafi G. said...

all this gematriya stuff confuses me. it must be bogus and manipulated to prove your own point.

ahhh mmmmmm, wafffffllessss.... mmmmm

Esser Agaroth said...

Rafi, That's blasphemy!

You do NOT want to get on my bad side, along with Jameel and Jack.

Esser Agaroth said...

Jack, even a [pseudo] Valley Boy should know the quintessential mashal of how to negotiate LA during rush hour:

"Don't take the Sta. Monica Frwy, take Olympic Blvd."

101? 118? Um,...yeah? I know. I just try to avoid the Valley when ever possible....

Enjoy your lousy DHL'd waffles.

Jack Steiner said...

Native Angeleno here. I know this city intimately. I know the hills and the Valleys.

I will use my knowledge of the city and military to prevail. The Battle of The Caheunga Pass and the Falls At Tujunga will be your downfall.

Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can imagine.

Esser Agaroth said...

I thought you were born elsewhere. You have to be born in LA to be a native of LA, you know.

Come south through the Sepulveda Pass, and you are mine! Plus, once I disable your car, you will be helpless! ...not knowing anything about public transportation, and spending countless funds on cabs which don't really exist.

Jack Steiner said...

I have spent more hours hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains than you can imagine.

I can walk from Mulholland all the way to the beach. Rest, head west and hit the valley again from Topanga, Kanan or Las Virgenes.

I'm the ghost you never saw coming.

Jack Steiner said...

P.S. Kaiser Sunset is where I entered the world.

Jack Steiner said...

Please. I know the Santa Monica Mountains intimately. I can leave the car in the pass and hike to the sea.

I can then come back via Kanan, Topanga or Las Virgenes.

I can rustle up some pals who work off of Wilshire and the Galey gang and then what will you do.

Esser Agaroth said...

I'm a Bruin, remember? I know the and crannies of Westwood better than most of 'em. I will lead you into the steam tunnels under the campus where you will be lost forever! You won't get back out to Fraternity Row because my bros will there to block you in!

Jack Steiner said...

I know the secret entrance to the Bruin Bear and the spots at Royce and Kerckhoff.

Esser Agaroth said...

Old hat.

OK. I'm bored,...don't wanna lay anymore.