A Tale Of Two Neighborhoods

20 of the Fifth Month 5769

This post flits back and forth between two conversations taking place in separate Jerusalem neighborhoods, and presented in "fashion colors," for CLARITY.

If your blood starts to boil, please push yourself through to the end of the post. You may be surprised by the ending,...or not.

Neighborhood "A"
(2 men talking)

That's SO spiritual!

Yes, I know. It's creative, too... It's spiritually creative.

Oh, yes! I see.

AND,...it's creatively spiritual.

Yes!

Neighborhood "B"
(2 women talking)

OMG! I am SO glad I found an apartment in THIS neighborhood.

OMG! I so totally know what you mean. Now we're close to all of the important schuls.

Yeah, but I especially like how it's easy to check out all the hot guys through the mehitzah in the schuls in this neighborhood.

Oh, yeah, cool. I totally forgot about that!

Neighborhood "A"

Reb Shlomo told me to wear purple on Tuesdays to boost my spiritual growth beyond all boundaries of spiritual growth.

Really?

Yes. And you also have to make your payos like mine, or else you're not spiritual.

But, no one in Me'ah She'arim makes them like that, and there are some pretty strong hassidishe traditions there.

Doesn't matter. I could teach THEM a thing or two about spirituality. You know what else? I knew Reb Shlomo better that anyway here at this party. They couldn't possibly understand his Toirah and his Simcha like *I* do. Hey! You over there, would you pass the joint over here?!

Neighborhood "B"

OMG! Now that we live in this neighborhood, people will able to see how enlightened and progressive we are.

Yeah, I know. Did you know that we have lesbians for neighbors now?

No. Really?

Yes. You can't get more enlightened and progressive than that!

No, you sure can't.... But, we'd never actually have to invite them into our house, would we?

Oh, no! Of course not!

Neighborhood "A"

During S'firah,...you know that means, don't you? S'firas HaOmer. Anyway, S'firah, I have to daven,...you know what davening is, don't you? Anyway, during S'firah, I have to daven with the kevunah,...you know what kevunah is, don't you? Anyway, during S'firah, I have to daven with the kevunah of the s'firos of the day, or I'm not yotzei,...you know what yotzei means, don't you?

Wow, that's SO spiritual!

Yes, I know. Hey, you over there! Would you stop hogging the joint!!

Neighborhood "B"

Oh no! I am so upset.

Why? What happened?

My Abba cut my allowance down from $1,500 down to $1,250.

OMG! That's so totally unfair!

Yeah, I know! He says it's because the cost of living is much cheaper in Israel than in "The City."

By the way, since when did you start calling your daddy "Abba?"

Oh, no. You don't understand. I've ALWAYS called my daddy "Abba."

(Under her breath: "Yeah, right.")

Neighborhood "A"

I'm giving a shee'eer. You should come to my shee'eer. Did I tell you I'm giving a shee'eer? Yes, Rabbi Yehudah Levy Me'ir Shimon Smith is away, so he asked ME to his shee'eer. You could learn a lot from my shee'eer. You should really come to my shee'eer. Why aren't you coming to my shee'eer?

What's your shi'ur on?

Why, it's on spirituality, of course. Hey, did you see the guy with the joint?

Neighborhood "B"

Who was that at the door?

One of the lesbians from next door.

Ssshhhh. Don't say "lesbians." Someone might hear you, and think we're not enlightened and progressive.

OMG! You're right.

What did she want anyway?

She wanted to let us know about the park clean-up party on Friday morning, and to ask us to volunteer. But, don't worry, I said we couldn't come.

Yeah, I know. We're way too busy for that.

I was going to give her a donation instead. But she said that she wasn't collecting any money. She wanted neighbors to donate their time.

Well, there for sure would not be any hot guys there. They play basketball every Friday. And besides, wouldn't we get all dirty?

Yeah, they should just collect money and hire some Arabs to do it.

Ssshhhh. Don't say "Arabs." Someone might hear you, and think we're racist.

OMG! You're right! Hey, by the way, where do the guys play basketball? We could get dressed up, and pretend that we just accidentally came by their particular court.

OMG! Yeah, let's do that!!!

*********

So, you think I'm be very judgmental, and otherwise making fun, of other religious Jews?

Well,...yes. But, it's not what you think! ...not entirely, anyway.

You see, I'm just venting. I need to get out my negativity, so that I can simply let it go, accept others for where "they are at," and worry about my own growth.

On the other hand, yeah, maybe I'm "doing other people's inventories." But, I have to tell you that I have never met anyone who has reached "spiritual heights" through clueless materialism, hypocrisy, gaivah (pride), nor drugs of any kind. So, these Jews' "inventories" are kind of easy to see.

The thing is that much of this is caused by galuth (diasporah) living. When Jews come to Jerusalem from the U. S., it can really taint their "spiritual searching." It also does not help the situation, when their "rabbis" are stuck in it, too.

Living out in the Shomron (Samaria), amongst Jews building their own homes, digging their own ditches, collecting their own garbage, growing some of their own food, and tending to their livestock, was a great way for me to let go of much of my galuth mentality and my qelipoth (anti-spiritual/anti-Jewish shells). It's not for everyone, and certainly not the only way to grow into a more ge'ulah (redemption) minded Jew. However, it's what worked for me.

Surviving a suicide bombing attack was also very transformational for me. But I do not recommend this, and that's another story for another time.

While in the Shomron, would periodically have to go into Tel-Aviv to do errands, or make my way to the beach, or whatever. It was like venturing into a completely different world, even though I had already lived in Tel-Aviv for two years. The signs were in Hebrew,...well, many of them,...but the life there did not exact seem "Jewish" to me.

Now that I have moved back to Jerusalem, I have been experiencing some of those same feelings. That's pretty sad when we're talking about the Eternal Capital of Am Yisra'el. Although very galuthi in its own way, I still feel more comfortable in the insulated neighborhood of Me'ah She'arim on Shabbath than in one of the above mentioned 'hoods.

I do not regret moving back to Jerusalem at all. But, now that I must find another apartment, I seriously hope that I do not end up in one of these neighborhoods. If I do, though, I will just try to take it on as my next spiritual test. (.... OR just stay in my room in front of the computer, day and night, shunning any opportunities for a local social life, and walking a lot farther than I would like on Shabbath in order to be closer to "my spiritual cup of tea." ...because it's not likely I'll find it in one the neighborhoods described above.)

As condescending as it may sound, I do pray that Jews like the caricatures described eventually find a way to dig themselves out it all.

We are all "searching." At least, I can say that I am. Many of our fellow Jews are "coming back," as it were. Many of them don't even have a clue as to where to begin. We all have to try to be patient and tolerant with our fellow Jews. That includes allowing them to make a lot of their own mistakes, in order to discover the proper path. We have to be patient. But to what extent do we really have to be tolerant?

*********

P. S. I am afraid that comments including a guess as to which neighborhoods I am referring cannot be accepted,...for obvious reasons.

Where's My Next Apartment In Jerusalem?

20 of the Fifth Month 5769

I have to be out of my current apartment by September 1. Please help me find an apartment, by spreading the word, and by contacting me with your secret information and tips....

So far, I have been checking Flathunting (English), Homeless.co.il (Hebrew), and Yad2.co.il (Hebrew).

Please let me know if you see anything on these sites, on other sites, in the newspaper, notices, or hear anything from friends.

Tomorrow, I hope to put up fliers in various neighborhoods, on notice boards in yeshivas and stores.

Religious Men: I am looking for an apartment in Qiriyath Moshe, Giv'ath Sha'ul, or the surrounding area, but will live in most any neighborhood with the right people in the right location. If you have an apartment and need another roommate, or know someone who does, please contact me. I work, learn a little, am reliable, and do not smoke. Ya'aqov

Yaaqov.Ben.Yehudah@gmail.com

I Found It! - Jameel Rashid's Secret Lair

16 of the Fifth Month 5769

After four years of serious stalking, I was finally successful in catching Jameel Rashid while hiding away in his secret lair, otherwise known as "The Muqata."

If you recall, this is not first time I have succeeded in discovering his secret lair. However, last time he just barely escaped my grasp.

DRAT!

Anyway, after investigating a series of clue Jameel was careless to leave around for me to find, I found it! I discovered his secret lair!

In the end, I was kicking myself for how totally obvious it turned out to be. If look carefully, you will that Jameel's secret lair looks just like a waffle!

I was so excited when all of the clues just, all of a sudden, fell together. Of course, my mission had not yet been completed. I had to enter his lair sleathfully, and catch him the act of whatever mischief he plotting and planning.

"AHA! I caught you, Jameel! Don't move!"

"Welcome, Ya'aqov Ben-Yehudah," Jameel calmly said, while relaxing in an armchair, fondling a martini. "I've been expecting you." Then he laughed in such a manner which would put Dr. Evil to shame.

Then, as I was distracted by Jameel's calm repose, Joe Settler jumped out from behind chartreuse sofa, and grabbed me. He had caught me off guard; there was nothing I could have done to escape his hold on me.

Joe forcefully pulled me to one of the walls, where giant ivy began sending out its tendril-like vines, entwining my arms and legs, until I was paralyzed from all movement, save for breathing and speaking.

I thought that I was in an episode of Batman, with Adam West and Burt Ward. I couldn't believe what was happening. Jameel's shenanigans obviously had to include mad scientist experiments on helpless plant life, hoping to find additional ways to carry out his evil plans.

Just then, Jack-Be-Nimble came out a secret revolving door, bearing a toy laser gun, and wearing a thoroughly offensive fluorescent yellow eye mask and multicolored, spandex, full body suit. (Why isn't the fashion police around when you really need them?)

"Let me kill 'im! Let me kill 'im!" He was shouting.

I thought to myself, "Is this my punishment for being a Padres fan?"

Jameel stood up. "Just relax, Jack. You'll get your chance. But first let's see if Ya'aqov will be willing to provide us with certain pieces of information, in exchange for a less torturous execution. Ya'aqov.... Ya'aqov...."

Just then, I awoke from my daydream, to Jameel poking my arm. After a couple of years of discussing it, we had finally arranged to meet in real life. Jameel was on a lunch break. He had the fish. I had the soda water.

"Oh, where was I?"

"I don't know, but it didn't sound very pleasant."

"It was your secret lair. I found it!"

"Impossible! My secret lair is un-findable."

"I'm sure it was your secret lair. It looks just like a waffle, doesn't it?"

Jameel's jaw dropped....

To be continued....

*********

Note: Jameel and I really did meat for lunch. I know he'll kill me for ruin his reputation, but he really is a nice and intelligent guy....

I haven't met too many other bloggers. Apparently, their too busy being glued to their computer screens.

By the way, who can guess what famous building this is in the picture?

Shabbath Leftovers - Eiqev 5769: Treppenwitz VS. Esser Agaroth

19 of the Fifth Month 5769

Wouldn't you know it? Shortly after I wrote my first post in this series last week, I receive my [golden engraved] invitation to register for the "Second International Jewish Bloggers Convention." I went immediately to the agenda page, and what do I see?

Session 3C
Be a Better Blogger No one cares what you ate for lunch:
How to write the compelling blog post to build readership.

with David “Treppenwitz” Bogner
3:50 – 4:30 PM (8:50-9:30 AM EST)

This is a clear indicator that one of the following scenarios is in play:

1. Someone within the JBloggers "establishment" (...of which I am clearly not a member) has been reading my blog - Very Doubtful ("They" discount my blog as "extremist."), and has decided to try and sabotage it.

2. There is vast conspiracy to control the content flowing out of the JBlogosphere - Too Obvious, although I am sure that the Israeli Foreign Ministry wouldn't mind being the one in control. But, if there is a conspiracy, then Jameel Rashid is definitely behind it!

3. David “Treppenwitz” Bogner is doing this just to spite me - Doubtful (See scenario #1)

4. David “Treppenwitz” Bogner is lying, and people really do care what I ate for lunch. He's just jealous that his lunches aren't exciting enough to post about, and so he doesn't want anyone to post about theirs. - No Clue He's in India now. So, that means he's either eating at fabulous Five Star Kosher restaurants, or living off of raw fruits and vegetables, cans of tuna he schlepped with him on the plane, and eggs that he prepares himself behind closed doors.

5. Someone in the JBloggers "establishment" assumes that I actually care what other people care about - Very Likely (The JBloggers "establishment" and I do not have the best communication going on. "They" invited the Foreign Ministry representative back to this convention against my explicitly expressed wishes. Go figure...)

And so, without further ado, here's what I had for lunch today. Tell the truth. Do you care?

Today I had rye toast (B) topped with homemade tehinah (B plus - ran out of lemon and olive oil) and sauteed qishu'im (the light green squash that's NOT zucchini) (B), topped off with leftover squash soup (B).

Rye Toast
(70% rye/30% spelt)
slice up remaining rye bread
toast it using your choice of method

Tehinah
(Use "Tehinah Yerushalayim." Everything else is crap. Or ground you own, but that can be a bit time consuming.)
Follow the instructions posted here.

Sauteed Qishu'im
(I forgot to put them in the squash soup I made again this Shabbath.)
Follow the instructions posted here.

Well, I am still waiting for all of those Shabbath meal invitations to begin rolling in....

Hmm... Maybe I will go to the JBloggers Convention, bring some zip lock bags with me, and do some "urban foraging" alla Frum Satire.

Haveil Havalim #229 Is Up!

19 of the Fifth Month 5769

Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival Edition #229 is up at I'll Call Baila!

It's the Modi'in edition.

Check it out!

Let's Be Honest. How Many Of Them Do You Think Are Jewish?

15 of the Fifth Month 5769

Absorption Ministry, Jewish Agency Kick Off New Program
13 b'Av 5769/Aug 3, 2009, 3:04 AM

(IsraelNN.com) Absorption Minister Sopha Landwer (Yisra'el Beitenu) and Jewish Agency Chairman Natan Sharansky (Yisra'el b'Aliyah-Likud) kicked off a new 32-million-shekel program on Sunday to encourage immigration from the former Soviet Union during this time of international financial crisis. Half of the program is being funded by the state; the other half by the agency.

The program consists of housing and other grants, as well as employment assistance for 850 families and 200 individuals between the ages of 18 and 55 who come in the next few months to communities that have expressed an interest in receiving new immigrants.

Landwer said that if the participants in the pilot program succeed, they will encourage others to come on Aliyah (immigration to Israel) and the project will be the basis for future absorption programs if it's successful. Sharansky said that the assistance will give the new olim (immigrants) mental and fiscal peace of mind during their first year to concentrate on learning Hebrew and on employment, which are the central factors in their success during this initial period.

Let's be honest. How many of these "new immigrants" are Jewish?

While living in an absorption center in Tel-Aviv for two years, I had many opportunities to meet, speak with, and get to know my fellow residents who were almost all from the Former Soviet Union.

Already knowing that at least 60% of them were not even Jewish, in my naivete, I was still shocked to hear statements like the following,...in English, of course.

"I'm not Jewish. My father was. I don't care about Israel. I don't want to learn Hebrew. I am hear for my free bachelor's degree. Then I'm off to Canada."

My experiences only revealed the tip of the iceberg. These residents were the educated, university students, and this was 10 years ago. You can only imagine what it is like now.

I have heard reports from appalled, even secular emissaries from the (non) Jewish Agency of being told to encourage and even recruit goyim to make Aliyah. When candidate would ask what should do about documentation, he would be told not to worry about that. (Meanwhile I have a friend who presented a ketubbah from the Israeli Chief Rabbinate to the Interior Ministry, and that "was not good enough" to prove he was eligible to make Aliyah.)

Meanwhile, a friend of mine traveling through small towns in the Ukraine (visiting the grave sites of rabbis) reported meeting Jews left out in the cold because they could not aford the train fare to the Agency's offices in Kiev. How did he know they were Jewish? They recognized his Hassidishe garb, and approached him in Yiddish. That was how they were able to communicate.

Anyone from the (non) Jewish Agency will tell you that it is not the agency's job to make policy, but to execute the policy of the Israeli government. ("Just following orders.")

Another thing the (non) Jewish Agency does not want you to know is that the biggest critics of encouraging of these goyim to immigrate to Israel are the olim who arrived from the Soviet Union 20 plus years ago,...you know the ones who really are Jewish.

These olim, like and MK Yuli Edelstein and Sharansky himself, fought hard to leave the Soviet Union to come and dwell in the Jewish Homeland, and suffered for their desires greatly at the hands of the Soviet government. It is important to note that these Jews are mostly secular and traditional, not necessarily religious. Yet, they still protest the influx of goyim.

But, so what? Shimon Peres needed votes for his Labor Party, and so the not so secret campaign began. What better way to get them than to steer government policy in the direction of bringing a religious minority into the country en masse?

Sharansky's old Yisra'el b'Aliyah Party certainly was not going to stand in the way. They would campaign hard for these votes. Remember their 5762/2001 "Nosh Kontrol" campaign, demanding that the Interior Ministry control be taken away from Sh"as, and handed over to Yisra'el b'Aliyah? Signs in Russian were plastered all over Israel. ("Nosh" is Russian for "our.")

Netanyahu = Shas Kontrol
Sharansky = Nosh Kontrol

The issue of "Who is a Jew?" was exploited for the sake of votes, while the country's Jewish character gradually eroded. If Sharansky could get control of the Interior Ministry, he could have control over what was displayed on Israeli ID cards, pleasing the countless goyim from the Former Soviet Union, those with or without fake or quickie "conversions."

As it happens, then Interior Minister Eli Yishai removed the "nationality" categroy from the ID cards completely, a way he found to avoid implementing the High Court's ruling that all so-called "conversions" to Judaism would be accepted, and those individuals would be identified as such.

Now that Yisra'el b'Aliyah is dead, Lieberman and Landwer's Yisra'el Beitenu Party hope to reap the benefits. They will need it, too, with Lieberman's legal troubles. Lieberman can no longer count on the secular Sefardi vote he received this time around. That will invariably revert back to the Sh"as religious party or to the Likud.

Meanwhile, the Labor Party, assuming is survives, and the "religiously pluralistic" un-Jewish Mere"tz Party will undoubtedly try to snag their share of this goyshe voting base.

When Ariel Sharon first came to power in 5761/2002, an attempt was made to change the "Law Of Return," which has allowed such "Nuremberg Jews" and their spouses to settle in Israel. The change was quickly shot down.

In 5767/2007 response to the discovery of Neo-Nazi cells in Israel, former MK Effie Eitam (National Union) said that he planned on submitting legislation that would have prevented non-Jews from immigrating to Israel under the "Law of Return." That never panned out, and it took the serious and embarrassing issue of finding Neo-Nazis in Israel to raise the issue. (The ostriches were froced to pull their heads out of the sand for a day or two.)





Canada has been offering a limited number of such Russian, Belarussian, and Ukrainian "Israelis" residency, under the category of the "religiously oppressed," or some such nonsense.

Let them go directly to Canada, or Germany, or wherever else they desire. I don't care, just as long as Israel (ie. your and your parents' donations to Jewish Federations) does not have to foot the bill.

Festival HaMiqdash - The Temple Festival (Updated)

13 of the Fifth Month 5769

This past Mossa'ei Shabbath (Saturday night), the weekly concert series and melaweh malkah tradition returned to K'far Tapu'ah in full force with "Festival HaMiqdash" (The Temple Festival).

Videos of previous concerts, which have included such artists as Aharon Razel, Dov Shurin, Bini Landau, Ehud Avraham, and Aharit HaYamim can be viewed on the concert series YouTube Channel.

Below is a video recap by Israel National News of the Festival.

Please pay careful attention to Yekutiel Ben-Ya'akov's words on the Miqdash, the issue of "where Jews may live," and his message to U. S. President Obama. But also, please take note of what I believe to be the most important aspect of this video.

It's what the secular leftists do not want you to see...

It's what the Ashkinazy Haredi leadership does not want you to see...

It's what even the Mamlakhati "all you need is love for your fellow Jews (except for Haredim)" leadership does not want you to see...

Hilltop and Haredi youth dancing together, getting to know one another, enjoying each others company, and learning how similar they are to one another.

For years, Ben-Ya'akov has been performing misswoth related to yishuv ha'aretz (settling of the Land), hakhnasath orhim (hospitality for guests), and Talmud Torah.

But, according all of th0se listed above, the most "dangerous" misswah Ben-Ya'akov has been performing has been working toward true Ahduth Yisra'el (Jewish Unity).





After staying up all night, praying the morning prayers, participants made their way to Jerusalem to ascend the Har HaBayith (the Temple Mount), after immersing in a miqwah, and scrictly adhering to all other laws related to the ascent .

(IsraelNN.com) Two Jews were detained by police and held for hours on Sunday morning for the simple act of kneeling while on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. The two, Yosef Ben-Avraham (a former student of mine) of Shilo and Yekutiel ben-Yaakov of Kfar Tapuach, were on the Mount as part of the Holy Temple Festival held in Samaria beginning on Saturday night. (Read more...)

(Arrested for kneeling?? For goodness sakes!)

Add mesiruth nefesh (self-sacrifice) to Ben-Ya'akov's long list of Holy accomplishments.

Update:
Here is Ben-Ya'akov talking about his arrest.





For more information about the concerts, as well as Shabbath hospitality, call 054-4876709 (in Israel). For Shabbath hospitality, please call by Wednesday.

Haveil Havalim #228 Is Up!

13 of the Fifth Month 5769

Haveil Havalim Edition #228 is up at Frum Satire! Heshy Fried, your lovely host, does not appear to have given this edition a name. So, let me help him, by choosing an edition name for him.

It's What on earth is a Jewish Bloggers Carnival? edition.

Don't forget to check out his post and video on how to get free food at kosher restaurants. It is a must see!

Shabbath Leftovers - Wa'Ethhanan-"Nahamu" 5769

12 of the Fifth Month 5769

I am thinking about starting a new series, "Shabbath Leftovers," recounting to you how I make use of whatever is in the refrigerator on Sunday.

Today I had rye pancakes (C minus) with a side of makeshift humous (C plus).

(I cannot tell you how helpful it is to have my blender back!)

I'll save the remainder of the squash soup with rice (B plus) tonight.

Rye Bread Crumb Pancakes
Last chunk of Russian rye bread (I've been good about abstaining from wheat.)
3 eggs
2 cloves of garlic
soda water
salt

Blend ingredients. Pour out onto a preheated frying pan or griddle. Prepare as usual. Yield: 6 regular size pancakes.

Makeshift Humous
handful or so of garbanzo beans (I use these in salad.)
tbsp. tehinah
tsp. canola oil (Olive oil is preferable, if you have it.)
soda water

Feel sorry for me?

I have always been an advocate that single men, yeshiva bochurim in particular, should not be burdens on their communities. Sure, these men serve as "misswah opportunities" for friends and neighbors.And, sure, these men might remain single (has wehallilah!) if they do not get out and make themselves known in their communities....

However, they (we) should not sit around and expect to have meal invitations every Shabbath. Likewise, they should not feel any sense of obligation to spend every single Shabbath dinner and lunch with "a family." (Se'udah Shlishith is often a bit freer.)

Although we men are obligated to tell shadkanim that we are helpless in the kitchen, this is actually a (little white) lie (for many of us). We can and should take responsiblity for our own Shabbath meals (...and do it in a healthy manner).


That all being said, if you are a bit grossed out by the above leftovers (even though the original Shabbath food of breadingless shnitzel, squash soup, salad, and homemade tehina turned out very well), and feel sorry for me, then by all means you are more than welcome to invite me over for Shabbath meals. If you live outside of Jerusalem, or outside of walking distance from the center of town, please keep in mind that I snore (very loudy) and have difficulties sleeping with blaring living lights on. We can cross (or burn) the bridge of my various food allergies when we get there.

Until next week, Shavu'a Tov (Good Week, Gut Wach, Buena Semana).

Aaron Feuerstein

12 of the Fifth Month 5769

This is an old story, but new to me, and well-worth mentioning.

(Wikipedia) When the Malden Mills factory burnt down on December 11, 1995, Aaron Feuerstein decided not only to use his insurance money to rebuild it, but also to pay the salaries of all the now-unemployed workers while it was being rebuilt. Feuerstein spent millions keeping all 3,000 employees on the payroll with full benefits for 6 months. By going against common CEO business practices, especially at a time when most companies were downsizing and moving overseas, he achieved a small degree of fame.

This inspiring video was put together for the NCSY West Coast Spring Regional Conference, 2006. The interviews of Mr. Feruestein came from "60 Minutes." Feuerstein is a member of Young Israel of Brookline.






Mr. Feruestein did the right thing. However, it is important to note that Jewish investments in Galuth NEVER produce the material and spiritual returns that they have the potential to do in Israel.

Please [click to enlarge and] read this brief section from Em HaBanim Smeichah by HaRav Yisachar Shlomo Teichtal ztz"l, pp. 317-318, and you will learn why.