I'm talking about Jewish men, and their wedding bands. There isn't anything in the LEAST bit Jewish about men wearing wedding bands.Oh, I can hear it now....
"But I CHOOSE to wear a wedding band. My wife doesn't make me. I like it."
(eyes rolling)
"I want to fit in, and not look out of place [in the U. S.]"
(sigh)
Fine. You wanna wear your precious wedding bands? Do NOT try to pretend that it is something Jewish. Be honest with yourselves.
It is a goyshe custom.
"Oh, but Ya'aqov, you don't understand. You're not married. When you find the right woman, and she wants you to wear a wedding band, you will realize it is small compromise to make, and you'll end up appreciating the custom in the long-run anyway...(blah, blah, blah)"
Oh, I understand alright. I understand that if I meet a woman who wants her husband to wear a wedding band, I will know for certain that she is NOT the right woman for me.
OK. Fine. You in hu"tz la'Aretz (outside of Israel), due to the goyshe influences surrounding you (some assimilationist "rabbis" included), you are hopeless cases,...for now.
You here in Israel, what's your excuse?
"What's the problem? It's no big deal. It lets everyone else know that I'm married. What's wrong with showing pride in my marriage?"
Oh, puh-leaze! Why do you have to "show pride" in the fact that you're married, for goodness sakes?
Look, Ya'aqov. You're just causing problems. Everyone knows that 'Shalom Bayis" means to listen to your wife, just like Avraham listened to Sarah."
Um,...how 'bout "NO," Scott.... It doesn't. Furthermore, the next time there's an issue of you having to decide whether to throw out your concubine and her some because he's a bad influence on your wife's son, AND HaShem personally tells you to listen to your wife, then, yeah, I highly recommend that you listen to your wife, and do exactly what she says.
However, if your wife wants you follow a goyshe practice, then, no, I highly recommend that you do not listen to her.
I mean, really, if you're married to a woman who's going to cause you THAT much of a problem over a wedding band, then you may want to take a serious look at what's REALLY going on in your marriage.
After all, you want to live a Jewish life, and raise your children with a proper Jewish education, right?
Then what does a wedding band have to do with that?
Absolutely nothing.
"But, my wedding band makes me feel spiritually connected to my wife...."
(serious eye rolling)
Spiritually connected? I guess you're not THAT spiritually connected, if need a material object to assist you. Hey, why don't you try talking to her [and listening] once in a while? Also, see above for my previous response.
And what about all of the other totally non-Jews practices in Israel?
Oh, don't worry. I intend to tackle those, too,...all in due time.
Now, let's see if "Haredi" men come out of the wood work and support me on this one.
I doubt it.
*********
For more on this issue, see the t'shuvah (responsum) of Rabbi David Bar-Hayim.
12 comments:
Dude, bite me ;)
I wear a wedding band and I like it.
So what if my wedding band plays goyishe music?
you have Haredi readers? I thought Haredim dont have internet
Here it comes...
I'm surprised no death threats yet. ;-)
JDJ: Oh, yeah, Jacob. That's REALLY mature. LOL ;-)
Mazeartist: Unless you made it yourself, I'd say you paid WAY too much for your wedding band. Won't make you take it off to you land here. ;-)
Rafi G.: Sssshhhh.... Don't tell anyone.
This raises an interesting question: How do YOU identify yourself.
I identify myself like this: Hi, I am Rafi. Nice to meet you.
Mazeartist: I get it..."band" music. Duh.
Rafi: < guffaw >
why is it goyish to wear a ring? as opposed to wearing a black hat? oh wait, i forgot that moshe rabbenu wore a black hat.
and btw, there was a custom in ashkenaz for for grooms to recieve a ring from the father-in-law. so i'm not sure where you get the idea that it isn't jewish to wear a ring.
(note that i'm talking just about wearing a ring, not about a doube ring ceremony)
I'm surprised you left out a typical remark: The wedding band lets women know I'm spoken for...what's wrong with that? (BTW no wedding band here)...
B"H
LOZ: You're right. A black hat isn't Jewish either, nor is a Shtreimel (Russin/Ukrainian), nor tie (French) nor goatee (French - and I don't care which big rabbeim had goatees), nor any number of other things.
So, let's stop doing them. Let's be and act Jewish.
That "custom" you mentioned is pretty recent I'll bet....
JBM: Good point. I did mention a similar comment.
it's easy enough to speak out against what's "goyish". It's a little harder when there really is no "Jewish" custom except complaining about goyishe ones.
Example: Clothes. As mentioned, Jews all over wore different kinds of clothes (you forgot turbans and kafkans - Sefardim/Mitzrachim/Arabs). Do you think that all the gedolim and Chazal just let that one slip by? Rather realize that there wasn't any serious problem to begin with because no one wants to wear non-descript robes and sandals for eternity (outside of Hare-Krishnas)?
Example: Magen dovid, a symbol that we only have because we were pretty much branded with it by most medieval kings. You won't find it in the beis hamikdash. Should we burn the Israeli flag Now?
There are so many things that just don't have any sort of original Jewish custom, and are rather widespread, making the entire argument without any real result.
B"H
Your first paragraph is not only self-hating, it's wrong.
Your second paragraph: Why did Jews wear different kinds of clothing? Because we were dispersed around the world. The evil influences of assimilation set in, sometimes it was out of physical survival. Of course, it didn't do much for our spiritual survival. There are several examples of HaZa"L describing their own clothing. They didn't miss a thing. For example, being wrapped in a garment hayav tzitzith. You think the inyan of a "talith qatan" is from HaZa"L? Nope. It's about not sticking out amongst the goyim. What's our excuse now?
Kaftans? There's an interesting story about how Yerushalmi Hassidim came to wear the gold bekeshe and kaftan. There were sticking out too much in Eretz Yisrael. Long story short, they ended up wearing the right clothes for the wrong reasons {Arab pressure}. But hey, I'll take it. HaShem sometimes uses goyim as kelim.
Magen David? Interesting point, yet the Magen David goes back a bit farther than that. Modern day Hebrew has countless problems, but it's a start in the right direction.
Fourth paragraph: You seem to be forgetting the difference between hachmath hagoyim and shtuyoth hagoyim.
What does ANY of the above got to do with wedding bands? Nothing. As I said in the above, wedding bands have NEVER been a Jewish custom, and is just another artifact of assimilation.
B"H
Space Falcon,
I usually don't allow comments from those who are as inaccessible as you.
Let me ask you this. Did we meet this Shabbath by any chance?
Inquiring minds want to know.
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