True Modesty

The following is a comment for the Facebook wall, of anyone who shared the above image:

Physical modesty is probably one of Jewish women's most important mitzvah.  Thus The Yiddishe Cup applauds the posting of this picture.

However, it also is important to point out that there are plenty of women, who are completely covered according to halakha (Jewish law), and yet are not in the least bit modest.

Brainwashing by some of the seminaries is one force behind this problem, and the complete lack of consistency in the observance of this concept.  Emotional castration of their husbands in public, the hutzpah of arguing with their husbands in public about halakha, debating which minhaggim (customs) they should or should not keep (as if they had a choice) are all NON-Jewish behaviors.  This is not how a Bat-Yisra'el is supposed to act.

These behaviors all have their sources in galus.  This feminism, cleverly disgused by the "heksher" (certificate) from an emotionally castrated Seminary head, brow beaten into sticking his nose into a sefer where it belongs, and giving his wife whatever she wants. The days of being the educator of your wife is over,...until Mashi'ach comes to set us all straight במהרה בימינו!

The age of defacto female "rabbis," cleverly called by the heavily overused and misused term "Rebbetzin" are well under way.  (God help us!).  Your sharing of gemara with women does not help the situation.  When they have gotten all of their hovot (obligations) perfectly, THEN they can have the luxury of learning gemara.

The truth is that very few women these days can achieve this, due to their confusion of Western concepts and culture with Jewish concepts.  The few women on this high level do not feel the need to publicize it, due to their TRUE modesty. And so, we may never learn who these women are.

Shalom Bayit Myth #1: Shalom Bayit Means To Give Your Wife Whatever She Wants

Shalom Bayit = Giving your wife whatever she wants.

Whether it's a $4,000 sheitl, a trip to Miami, or where to send the kids to school, giving into your wife is NOT shalom bayit.

It fact, this shalom bayit myth is one of the fundamental reasons this blog was founded.

The female dominated shadkanut industry, the so called "rebbetzins" in women's "sems," the emotionally castrated men who allow themselves to be walked all over like doormats, and their rabbeim are to blame for this ab

The word rebbetzin was not even used as extensively or how it is used now, as recently as 15 years ago. It is another piece of evidence of the growing infiltration of feminism into the Litvish world.  The liberal movements of Judaism make no bones about how they hold regarding the role of women in their communities.

The Litvish world, on the other hand, flatly denies the existence of their defacto, female "rabbis" and "poskot" halacha, even though they are glaring us in the face!

They debate halakhot, which are not shayach to women at all, with their male shidduch clients, successfully manipulating them, because their husbands are in complete denial of the seriousness of what their wives are doing, their denial stemming from this very myth regarding shalom bayit.

Their rabbeim tell them to "pull their noses out of their wives business, and stick it into a sefer where it belongs."

Furthermore, this approach is disrespectful to women.  

Men and men should discuss things PRIVATELY, not making a scene in front of guests, yet another strategy of manipulation women sometimes employ.  Of course, something else the "shadkaniot" don't tell you.  It's the MAN's responsibility to educate his wife. The man is the man of the house, not the other way around.  The wife follows HIS customs.  How can she know his customs, unless he educates her?

Maybe some women like being ignored, as long as they get everything they want.  But, we at the Yiddishe believe that women have more substance than that, at least the women who are worth marrying.

Those men with their noses in a sefer, as a means of escape, are living in a world, completely devoid of reality.

Shidduch Myth #2: Same Language, Same Age, Perfect Match!

He is an English speaker; she is an English speaker.  They are around the same age.

They are perfect for each other!

OK.  So, many of us in Israel have had to endure this often awkward, sometimes painful experience, due to the good intentions of our Hebrew speaking friends.

It's a bit less awkward when the he and the she immediately see what's going on, and immediately share their suspicions with each other by simultaneous facial expressions.  It's usually at a Shabbat meal, and sometimes a stealth shidduch attempt.  The forced couple leave the Shabbat meal together, with forced smiles on their faces.  Then, when safely around the corner, deep breaths are released, sometimes with a little laughter.  Once in a while, they look at each briefly, as if to suggest that maybe they should go out once.

Nah!

Then they come to their senses, say, "nice meeting you," and part ways, never to see each other, until the next time it happens.

Sometimes, though, it doesn't end as well as the above scenario.  Sometimes, it's a complete disaster.

Disasters ensue when one of the couple, is flattered by the suggestion of a shidduch, or smitten at first sight.

When this happens, the expression "The road to Hell is paved with 'good intentions'" lives up to its full potential.

Yet, those 'good intentions' are exactly why we are not being too hard on our native, Hebrew speaking friends.  This post should be written in Hebrew.  But, for now, we will have to settle with warning those new to Israel, new to the dating scene, or new to both, so that you can prepared for when you receive that innocent, Shabbat meal invitation, from those friendly neighbors you don't know very well.

When you do get to know them well enough, you can take on the responsibility for letting them know, gently, that English speaking Jews around the same age cannot be assumed to be perfect for each other.

That is a myth.

Shidduch Myth #2.

What Shidduch Crisis?

For the past, I don't know how many, years, we have been inundated by the term "shidduch crisis."

What we here at The Yiddishe Cup would like to know is: "What Shidduch Crisis?"

We are being told by those in the female dominated shadkanut industry that one aspect of the crisis is the overabundance of single women, in particular, an overabundance of single women in their 30's. But, where are all of these single women in their 30's? I have met some. But, are there really so many of them that it constitutes a crisis? I don't think so.

We are also being told by those in the female dominated shadkanus industry that in order to solve the "shidduch crisis," we men must make some changes in our attitudes.

We are being told that we must be more "open-minded," and that we must take a serious look at ourselves (as if we don't already), and see the truth that we're not the "prizes" that we think we are. "Prizes?" Do all of us, Jewish men, think that we're "prizes" that we easily marry a supermodel with a Ph. D.? No. this is not the average Jewish man that female matchmakers want to convince us that we are.

And what does "open-minded" mean? The extensive research by The Yiddishe Cup Team has revealed the following:

1. Open-mindedness means considering women who are SIGNIFICANTLY older than we are. It seems to be OK for women to pine after young meat, but not men. All through the Tanakh, older men marry younger, if not much younger women. Yet, now, we are being told, no, COMMANDED, to do the opposite, because of the supposed "shidduch crisis."

2. Open-mindedness means accepting every word of the mostly female matchmakers as fact, when they do our חשבון נפש (inventory). We aren't that handsome. We aren't that smart. We aren't that much of a catch. Our standards are incredibly unrealistic, so we must lower them considerably.

But, maybe the "overabundance" of single women need to take a serious look at themselves, just as men are constantly told to do. Have these women ever thought of that?

3. Open-mindedness means that if we date a woman three times, and find that we have nothing (and I mean nothing) in common, that we must still "give it a chance."

Give it a chance?! We have NOTHING in common! What is this shadkanit trying to pull?!

4. Open-mindedness means that we must be willing to date a woman who is 400 lbs. and has to shave on a daily basis. Maybe these women just aren't supposed to get married. Maybe their genetic material just isn't supposed to be passed on. (I intend to write more on the issue of genetics in a later post.)

5. Open-mindedness means that we have to accept that "maybe she will lose the weight," even though we know that obesity can negatively affect conception, and can be dangerous for mother and baby, even if she does conceive.

The Yiddishe Cup feels for these women, not because they are unattractive, but because they are being duped, instead of being given helpful counsel as to how to make improvements in their lives, physically, as well as psychologically and spiritually! "Endocrinologist," "dermatologist," "Overeaters Anonymous," and "stomach banding" are words and phrases which you may hear, mentioned in a meeting between a shadkanit and an unmarried Jewish man, but which you would never hear in the same meeting with an unmarried Jewish woman!

The Yiddishe Cup calls this an industry, because these mostly female matchmakers are doing this for the money. The more couples they convince to get married, the more money they make.

If a couple gets divorced, do the ex-husband and ex-wife get their money back?

If they want to get divorced, because they were never the right match for each other in the first place, are they told that "relationships take work," and that they're "not trying hard enough?" Are these mostly female matchmakers EVER going to be held accountable?

When the obvious conflict of interest is pointed out to them, do they just laugh it off, and try to put it off on us men? Young men are taken advantage of due to their naiveté, or in some cases their over-anxiousness to get (laid) married; older men are told to do more middot work, or labeled "damaged goods," and blackballed from dating women from certain communities, women under the spell of the shadkaniot.

Ladies, we're on to you, and we're not going to take it anymore! You are the ones with the shidduch crisis on your hands.

And it is going to get even worse, as we publish testimony from men recounting their shadkanit horror stories.

In the meantime, we REFUSE to lower our standards; we REFUSE to date women significantly older than we are.

There are supposedly more of them than us, so why should we?

Shidduch Myth #1: A man who does not want to go out with you must be gay.

No. Just because a man does not want to go out with you, or continue going out with you, does make mean that he is gay.

Maybe, just maybe, he does not want to go out with you because you are not an appropriate match for each other.

Or perhaps, you weigh 300 lbs., and are in complete denial of this fact.  Maybe you wear tight clothes to go with your "full figure."  And, when you have difficulties getting pregnant, you will blame everything, except your state of obesity.

Or maybe, you are very loud, and have to stick your nose into everybody's business, and make sure that everyone has the benefit of hearing YOUR opinion.

Or perhaps, you have just been brainwashed to think such idiocy by your "rebbetzin" at "sem."

But, I guess "blaming the guy" is always the best course of action, so that you don't have to face your own middot you desperately need to work on.

If you have to accuse the guy of being gay, just because he is not in the least bit attracted to you, physically, emotionally, spiritually or any other way, then that must mean that you can't accuse him of being poor, stupid, unsuccessful, or unattractive himself.

In other words, he's a real catch who you just can't have.

Calling him "gay" is just the shidduch world's form of sour grapes.