Haveil Havalim #252 Is Up Plus A Special Message From Your Fearless Leader!

4 of the Eleventh Month 5770

This week's edition of Haveil Havalim, the world's largest Jewish and Israeli blog carnival, is being hosted by Jack on the Random Thoughts blog.

It's "The Year Of Jack Edition".

Incidentally, Haveil Havalim contributors received the following e-mail from Jack, who also happens to be the current Haveil Havalim Fearless Leader (coordinator). My Esser Agaroth (commentary) follows.

Hello friends,

It is your semi-friendly neighborhood HH admin, Jack. We are in need of hosts for the rest of the year. Many of you have been spectacular and have helped carry the torch on a regular basis. I am grateful for your assistance.

Some of you who are receiving this note have speculated that you might want to host one day. I am here to ask that you do so now.

Hosting doesn't provide you with fame or fortune, but who wants that anyhow. It might however get you a waffle breakfast from our friend Jameel. Might I add that the waffle breakfast he cooked for our tiyul to Hamat Gader was amazing. You haven't lived without waffles at an alligator farm, but I digress.

Anyway, your help as always is appreciated.

-Jack

10ag:
In my humble opinion, hosting Haveil Havalim does have the potential to increase your blog's exposure, and my experience is that you will get a bump in hits that week, two additional incentives.

I, myself, have met plenty of interesting people, and have been introduced to several new and interesting blogs through hosting. So, you can receive the same, it that's your bag.

However, regarding a waffle breakfast from our friend Jameel, DO NOT BELIEVE IT!

Jack's use of the modal word “might,” indicating less than 100 confidence that the speech event will occur in the future, is an understatement.

The waffle breakfast bait is nothing less than a sham. Do not make the mistake of falling for it like I did!

Just some friendly advice from a your fellow blogger.

If you would like to host an edition, please contact Jack at talktojacknow@sbcglobal.net.

Of Course You Know, This Means War!

Special 3rd Day of Purim for Walled Cities 5768

OK. This was the last straw. Rafi G. got his waffles personally delivered, as did Joe Settler.

I issued the following warning:

"Jameel? Jack? I know where the money's hidden; I know where the bodies are buried. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME!"

...but to no avail. My warning was not heeded. Thus I have no choice but to exact revenge.

I will now reveal Jameel's secret identity and location. Jameel is none other than... No, really! It's true, and I can prove it! First, notice the uncanny resemblance between these spy photos stolen from Joe and Rafi respectively, and Bugs Bunny's official face shot. (See how effectively the hat covers up his ears?) Second, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel Rashid is "5," and that of Bugs Bunny is "3." Both names contain 2 words. 2 plus 3 equals 5! The third bit of evidence comes from Bugs Bunny's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame." The star has 5 points, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel's name. Fourthly, the star is located in Los Angeles, the location of Jack. Jack is in the "Valley" where North Hollywood is. The star is in Hollywood. See how the pieces of the puzzle are coming together? By extension, this had led me to the implication of The Holy Hyrax in the conspiracy. Why? He's an Angelino, just like Jack. I don't know how he's involved in the conspiracy, but I know he is. We San Diegans learn early on in life not to trust Angelinos.

But, I digress....

Jameel Rashid, or rather Bugs, lives in none other than K'far Shmaryahu, next door to Shulamit Eloni YSh"W, widely known for her wearing of a halter top through the streets of Me'ah Sha'arim, in order to "make a point." (eyes rolling) Apparently, Shulamit doesn't get any waffles either. Jameel, you are truly evil, denying a former minister in the Israeli government her waffles! Have you no shame?!

If you don't care about me and Shulamit, then at least think of Batya. She was very upset at not receiving her waffles. Gila and Baila didn't either. I'll bet you stopped by Treppenwitz, and even DHL'd waffles to Ezzie.

You know what, Jameel? I don't even want your stupid, lousy waffles anymore! I'll bet their awful! Don't even THINK of coming over to my house, even though you have been invited several times, to deliver me any waffles. I do not want them! (Let's see if the Paradoxical Injunction -- that's the misnomer of "reverse psychology" to you silly lay-people -- will work!)

I'll get that Jameel, one way or another!

Where Are My Waffles?! Haveil Havalim #159 Is Up.

Special 3rd Day of Purim for Walled Cities 5768

Haveil Havalim #159 is up at Jack's Place. It's the "Purim Is Over Edition." Don't worry. Several of us have already chastised him for forgetting that Purim is not yet over in Jerusalem, nor in Hevron, Shilo, Tiveria, and Tzfat, I think. This special situation of three days of Purim for "walled cities" and for cities which might have been walled during the time of Yehoshu'a Bin-Nun apparently won't happen again for another 15 years. Jack suggests that you check back periodically throughout the day, as this edition will be updated.

Oh, yeah, and don't expect any waffles. The waffle enticement is just scam!

Now, bloggers like Joe Settler are rubbing it in that "All bloggers are equal, just some bloggers get waffles, and others don't." (My word, not his)

Jameel? Jack? I know where the money's hidden; I know where the bodies are buried. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME!

The Waffle Conspiracy

10 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Jameel Rashid's waffle obsession is just out of control! Check out The Muqata, and see for yourself how many of his posts contain the word "waffles."

Hosts of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival were promised waffles for hosting.

I'll Call Baila did not get hers. Gila did not get hers ("Yo man....where's my waffles????"). Batya did not get hers("...And if you decide to deliver waffles to Yaaqov, then please bring some here, too. We're not that far away."). And, I did certainly did not get mine:

There is a vicious rumor going around that hosts automatically gain an invitation to a waffle breakfast at Jameel's place.

Jameel? Where are my waffles? Did Ill Call Baila get hers? Please make mine with spelt flour and without eggs. I'm on a diet. Also, please hold the vanilla, or any other spirit, called for in the recipe.

Until I see my waffles, I am afraid that this rumor cannot be confirmed.

Did anyone get their waffles? I think not. Unless, of course, there are some favorites of Jameel and Jack's inner circle.

I have received taunting and teasing, but NO waffles.

Yet, ALL of our inquiries into this waffle sham have been ignored, scoffed at, marked as "spam," or worse, treated as the ravings of a mad blogger.

NYA HA HA HA! can often be heard in the background of Jameel and Jack's podcasts.

NOW, they're changing the rules, and denying that they have changed the rules at that!

Jack wants to blame his words on how tired he is. Sorry, Jack. It's a no go. Being tired is NO excuse for aiding and abetting Jameel in his waffle scam.

Now it seems, they are trying to entice innocent by-standing blogs Treppenwitz and Serandez into the conspiratorial plotting and planning. But to what end?! What sick and demented goals can be achieved by cheating unsuspecting blog carnival hosts out of their waffles?

The following is a transcript of a secretly monitored e-conversation I had with Jameel and Jack, CC-ing Treppenwitz, as he had already been dragged into it somehow. I'm so traumatized by the experience, I have already blocked out the nature of his involvement.

10ag (Me):
Now, listen. This whole waffle thing is getting out of hand. NOW, it's "you COULD" win a waffle breakfast?

"Could" is a modal, indicating the lack 100% confidence that the speech will take place.

What's going on? You and Jameel just keep teasing and taunting me for your own sadistic pleasure.

I can't take it anymore!

Jameel:
You might already be the winner of a waffle breakfast!

Just ask Ed McMahon.

--Happy Adar,

Jameel @ The Muqata Waffle Hut

10ag:
No. There weren't any conditions on it before. You can't just go changing the rules.

That's OK. I get it.

I don't want your frickin' waffles anymore. Now that I have [even] a [minimum] wage job, I can afford to stay away from wheat, B"H.

No waffles for me, thank you very much!

They probably aren't any good anyway.

Just a bunch of hype.

Jameel:
A bunch of hype? You havent seen hype yet.

Just wait till purim...

(Sounds like a threat to me.... And just look at those blatant grammatical errors!)

10ag:
I keep a low key during Purim..... I don't even know where I'll be yet, Jerusalem, Tapu'ah West, or Elnaqam 4 (near K'far Tapu'ah), so that I can hear a proper Qeriyath Megillah from gvil, without stupid [originally Roman custom of] costumes and lots of noise, so that I can actually be yotzei mahahovah.

E-mail me when it's over.

Now what about that coffee? You've been hear longer than I have, so I expect you to reveal the best cup of coffee Jerusalem has to offer, now that the Internet Shtiebel and its $2,000 Italian machine have been shut down by the police (2006).

(Slight digression here....)

Jack:
(Classified)

10ag:
Harumpf!

They probably taste lousy anyway.

I believe I will be launching a waffle boycott shortly.

Better yet, how about a blog war? I've never had one of those before. Perfect for Purim.

Treppenwitz has yet to chime in,...probably a smart move on his part.

Now the entire J-Blogsphere knows the truth about why Soccer Dad gave up ownership of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival: Waffles.

He threatened to blow the whistle on your scam, didn't he? So, you pressured him. You got him addicted to waffles, then threatened to put the plug on his Baltimore connection if he talked.

Hey, Soccer Dad! You never DID get the Fox's Chocolate Syrup they promised you for your waffles, did you? How many waffles to do they string you along anyway? ...just barely enough to keep you alive? Such cruelty! Hang in there, Soccer Dad! I am sending help, even as I write....

OK, Jameel. Bring it on. I'm ready for you.

I can handle anything you can dish out: Maraschino Cherries (artificial color-free, of course), exploding whipped cream (Halav Yisra'el, of course), batter projectiles, and spatula catapults.

You are mine!

Haveil Havalim #158 Is Up!

9 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Haveil Havalim #158 is up at Jack's Place. It's the "Almost Purim Edition."
Jack suggests that you check back periodically throughout the day, as this edition will be updated.

Oh, yeah, and don't expect any waffles. The waffle enticement is just scam!