The Codependence of a People

Rosh Hodesh of the First Month 5764

The following was written at the mention of "Black-Jewish Relations Week at Princeton." IMHO, it is important that the relationships between the Jewish People and other peoples be re-examined from time to time.

It is within the nature of the Jewish people to be concerned with justice,... with fairness.

The extent of the involvement of Jews in the civil rights movement in the US [& other countries], the anti-appartheid movement in South Africa, and for that matter in the so-called human rights movement world wide, is well-known.

After all, it is written: "Tzedeq, tzedeq, tirdof..." - Justice, justice, you shall pursue..." (Deut. 16:20)

This verse is as much a part of us as the entire Torah, whether Jews realize it or not.

I'm not saying that Jews should not have been involved. I'm not saying that we should not have been supportive. I am saying that we need to be honest with ourselves about where it's gotten us.

Many Black leaders have, and continue to rewrite history. It's the Jews' fault for their continued oppression.

When an African-American donates money or volunteers time to an African-American charity or institution, he's participating in "self-empowerment." When a Jew does the same fo a Jewish organization, he's considered to be elitist or even racist.

In an attempt to appease other such communities, the Jew donates money and time to them. This kind of people-pleasing behavior is a common symptom of what is known as "codependence." The "die-hards" make a point of neglecting their own community, after all they do not see themselves as being worthy. This low self-esteem and compliance are additional symptoms of codependence. Codependence can be roughly defined as 'the dependence on external sources for the fulfillment of emotional needs and self-validation and worth.'

The Jewish identity is the next casualty. Jews neglect learning about their own heritage, try to make it "easier" by re-inventing it (ie the so-called movement of Judaism), or forsaking it all together (G-d forbid).

The cycle continues. Parents are unable to answer their children's basic questions about their heritage. And when it come to why they should marry a Jew or why should they care about Israel, they are at a total loss.

Rav Meir Kahane HY"D provides us with an extensive history of Jewish assimilation, the ultimate codependent act, in his book Listen World, Listen Jew. Through this book and others, he has helped many Jews break out of their codependence; he has returned to them their self-esteem and pride in their heritage.

Eventually, Jews who haven't learn any Torah before actually do. And in the process, they learn the rest of the verse:

"Justice, justice, you shall pursue, that you will live, and inherit the Land that G-d has given to you." (Deut. 16:20)

There is no justice unless we treat ourselves justly. We are worthy. HaShem has given us His Torah, and has given us our Land.

The only external validation we need comes from G-d, not from any other human community.

The Cycle of Abuse...Continues?

Rosh Hodesh of the First Month 5764

I was pleasantly surprised to hear of the death of a monster yesterday, a monster responsible for the deaths of a great number of Jews. May the monster's (Sheik Yassin YSh"W) name and memory be blotted out....

The response of Leftists was not surprising: “We just have to talk with ‘them’ some more.” Sounds to me like western elitists attempting to say that Arabs should abandon their culture and act like westerners. Hmm…I believe that’s called “intolerance to foreign cultures,” an accusation that leftists generally like to throw at their political opponents. Hmm…I believe that’s called hypocracy.

The response of the so-called “international community” was particularly appalling this time. How could anyone in his right mind not see the similarity between this monster and Bin-Laden (may the his name and memory also be blotted out)???

But what about the response of the Israeli government? My question is this: How long will it take for Sharon to apologize for the killing?

Nah! He probably won't...this time.

Picture this: A little kid is upset. He runs up to the big bully at school, kicks him in the knee, barely even bruising him, then runs away.

Sound familiar?

I just described Israeli governments, past and present, never seeming to "finish the job." Even though the bully has been viciously abusing us for hundreds of years, often collaborating with other bullies, Israel is too concerned with what Mommy (the UN/Europe) and Daddy (the US) will think. Mommy and Daddy always tell, “Don’t hit back! Just come tell Mommy and Daddy, and we’ll take care of it.”

But, they never do.

It does not matter to the little kid that Mommy and Daddy are incapable of seeing the truth, and incapable of caring for him. After all, they are far too involved in their addiction to the drugs of power and material wealth.

The little kid only has G-d on his side. All the little kid has to do is cry out to G-d, and to do what G-d wants (i.e. Torah & mitzvoth), but he’s too stubborn. Instead he continues in his pathological cycle of "learned helplessness" and remains the passive-aggressive victim.

Israel has only one choice: with HaShem’s help, tefillah (prayer), tzedaqah (charity), and tshuvah (repentance). And let us not forget that tshuvah includes taking responsibility for ourselves and stopping the cycle of making the same mistakes over and over again.

Note: It is most certainly not the intention of the above to put down nor to minimalize the pain of families who suffer from the pain of active drug addiction (G-d forbid). It is simply an analogy.

Victim On Trial

13 of the Seventh Month 5764

It has begun, yet again, for the umteenth time.

Jews and non-Jews, Israelis and other nationals have begun to cry an all too familiar cry:

"No, we cannot bomb a terrorist camp in Syria! It will only make things worse! They will hit us again!"

In other words, although it is not [supposed to be] acceptable for Arabs to shoot and to blow up Jews, it is also not acceptable for "we Jews to stoop to their level" by striking back.

This cry is no less ridiculous and offensive than accusing a rape victim of having been raped.

I do not make this statement lightly. Rape is a serious and violent crime, causing physical, psychological, and spiritual damage to the victim, as well as to those close to the victim. It is not at all the intention of this letter to minimalize the terror a rape victim is forced to undergo (G-d forbid).

Rather, it is to wake the Jewish People up from their denial and their repressed memories of history.

When someone has been raped, what is the general course of action?

The victim is provided with support, healing, and the empowerment to prevent this from happening again, both to this person and to others.

The victim is encouraged to testify in court, even to face a well-trained and clever defense attorney who
often tries to twist the story of what happened.

The victim is prepared for this in advance, reminded that the attorney will be manipulative and convincing.

The victim stands firm, knowing that testifying will help to bring the rapist to justice, and hopefully remind other would be rapists to think twice before perpetrating a similar act of violence.

The victim is the Jewish People. The defense attorneys are the UN and European Union. The judge on the bench is the United States. And finally the rapists, crying an "unhappy childhood made me do it" are the Arabs in Israel.

The brothers who taught them to rape are Al-Qaeda and other Islamic fumdamentalists. But, when the birth records are uncovered, it is revealed that they were actually born on the same day. They taught, helped, and encouraged each other to rape.

The liberal judge, for some reason unbeknownst to me, does not want to accept the evidence of this, and wants to treat this rapist differently. Thus, the repeat offender gets off every time.

It does not seem to matter how much evidence Israeli Intelligence produces to Judge Bush. He does believe or simply ignores the connection between all Arab terrorists, including Arafat.

In fact, the judge even admonishes the rape victim for having fought back. The rapist is now suing the victim for damages, and the UN and Europe have been manipulating and censoring information, so that the rapist will be able to buy new clothes and food and even new weapons to be an even more effective rapist the next time.

This miscarriage of justice is intensified by the fact that other rapists are convicted left and right by other judges.

When some rape victims fight back, even kill their rapists, there are juries which exonerate them from guilt without batting an eyelash.

Of course, history has shown that there are two standard in this world, one for the Jews, and one for everyone else. When an African-American raises money for African-Americans, it is called "self-empowerment." When Jews raise money for Jews and the Jewish Homeland, it is selfish and racist.

It is about time that Jews FINALLY stop being victims, stop letting the world rape us in each and every generation since the Destruction of the Holy Temple.

And in each generation, our excuse is the same: "But surely it will be different this time."

And it never is.

Nobody will rescue us. There is no district attorney to help us, no support group to show us the way.

There is only G-d and His Torah to empower us. But G-d and Torah are more than enough. But, first we must take responsibility for ourselves. Nobody else will.

We, and by ourselves alone, must stop being the rape victims always on trial.

Happy Birthday, Shimon Peres (or A Tree Grows in Ofra)

The Sixth Month 5763

This Sunday, after the long and grueling pilgrimage to the Holy Land, many celebrities made their way to a celebration of grand proportions to pay homage to Shimon Peres on the occasion of his 80th birthday. The Land of Israel was graced by the presence of such upstanding and righteous dignitaries as former US President Bill Clinton, the last Premier of the Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbechov, and, of course, superstar Barbra Streisand (May she find her way back to Torah).

Let me take the opportunity to congratulate him on some of his many accomplishments.

Shimon Peres, thank you for your role in encouraging Jews to settle the Sinai Peninsula while under Israeli control.

Thank you for your role in encouraging the founding of Kfar Daron and Netzarim, towns in Gaza.

Thank you for the building of Israel’s [secret?] nuclear power plant.

Hmm…I doubt that the above-mentioned sovereigns of justice knew anything about this, for they most certainly would not have approved.

At the girls’ religious high school in Ofra, a town on the border between Judea and Samaria (See Judges 6:11), students can find shade underneath a big tree. According to the adjacent sign, this tree was planted by former Prime Minister Shimon Peres.

Mr. Peres, thank you for the tree.

In all fairness to Mr. Peres, I doubt he did any of these things for ideological reasons, so the “western cultural elite" and other politically-correct minded individuals can rest easy; they need not be concerned. Mr. Peres was possibly just going with the flow, and implementing such projects for his own political gain. After all, he was eventually able to see Jews have to leave their homes in the Sinai, while Jewish residents of Gaza, on the other hand, continue to get blown up and shot on a regular basis. (May G-d protect them and avenge their blood of the fallen!)

Although Mr. Peres does not understand why the Jews have not left Gaza, perhaps he believes they have now become spiritually broken and they are now much easier to handle. After all, everything Shimon Peres has done has been with the Jewish People’s best interests at heart, hasn’t it? Well, the government does continue its attempts to chip away at the Torah. And the Arabs continue to be on their way to outnumbering Jews in 50 years (G-d forbid), within the UN recognized borders, that is.

Certainly Mr. Peres believes the Arabs will “come around,” and make peace with Israel. I suppose, he lives according to that expression, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Meanwhile, the Jewish State continues on its path toward self-destruction, even without the bombs and bullets. Fifty years, remember?

It might be wise to consider some wisdom from 12-Step program literature:

“Repeating the same mistakes over again, expecting different results, is [nothing short of] insanity.”

Regarding that tree flourishing in Ofra, perhaps Mr. Peres expected that it would have died by now, or would be enjoyed by Arabs.

Well, such is not the case. The girls in Ofra still enjoy the benefit of your tree-planting, and for that I thank you.

Aliyah: Building Bridges Through Teaching

Last summer I was finally able to fulfill a life-long dream of coming to live in Israel, by becoming a part of the Teach And Study Program [TASP].

Through TASP, a program of the City of Tel-Aviv-Yafo and the Los Angeles Jewish Federation, I have been teaching English half-time at an Israeli elementary school, as well as studying for a master's degree in applied linguistics.

I had worked in both Jewish and public schools.But still, I wasn't sure what to expect. In the U.S., there is usually a "honeymoon" period at the beginning of the school year, a period of students following the teacher's every instruction. Then, after about two weeks, the students begin to test the teacher. How would the students test me? How would Ireact? I knew my way around a classroom, or at least an American classroom. I was told that I would be co-teaching for awhile, to get acclimated, a good idea. In my life, I had met Jews from all over the world. Thus, I knew to accept that I would be walking into a classroom culture different to the one I had been used to. I was to teach in a traditionally Mizrachi neighborhood, mostly Iraqi, but also Moroccan, Persian and Yemenite. However, over the past five years many olim hadashim (new immigrants) from the former Soviet Union had moved into the neighborhood. There had been tension between old and new, in the beginning, with the schools not having been able to escape its effects. The situation became more relaxed over the years. Yet, after I was informed of my school's particular history, I was still impressed with the friendships Iwitnessed in the classroom, like the strong bond between fourth-graders like Boris, a new immigrant from Russia, and Lior, a local boy of Persian and Iraqi decent.

Whereas in the U.S., strong friendships are usually found in high school or in college, I found that in Israel, best friends often start off as best friends in first or second grade and last through and beyond service in the IDF [Israeli Defense Forces].

What I have seen take place in the classroom hasbeen highly reflective of the intimacy I see on the streets everyday, very high energy, sometimes very loud and tense, yet always with hearts of gold. In the U.S., children are taught to sit still, be quiet, and try to absorb their teacher's knowledge like a sponge.

Fortunately, the American classroom has been moving away from that approach.

In Israel, the classroom is highly dynamic. Students are often in and out of their seats, sometimes climbing on top of something, but all the while, their minds are moving just as quickly as their bodies, interacting with the teacher, with words and expressions, rarely missing a beat.

The emphasis of the Israeli classroom is to teach the students to think, and to think for themselves.

And think, they do.

Teaching and learning are not confined to theclassroom. Teachers and students carry their close relationships intorecess and extracurricular activities, where thinking, and learning,and wondering about the world never cease.

This year, I was particularly affected by anon-going discussion with a fifth-grader of mine, Shlomo, from Russia.

Very interested in learning English, he oftens takes the opportunity to engage me in conversation. I must restrain my desire to take the same opportunity with him in Hebrew, as I remember my purpose.

As each Jewish holiday would approach, Shlomowould ask me if we had Sukkot [or Hanukkah, or Tu b'Shevat, etc.] in America. I would always respond with a smile, "Why, of course, we do," implying that Judaism was not just observed in Israel, the Jewish Homeland.

But when Shlomo approached me, to ask if therewas, in fact, Purim in America, I finally put two and two together.

After a not-so-brief, dumb-founded pause, my response was as follows: "Shlomo, do you remember Purim in Russia?"

He said no.

I sat down so that it would be easier to look himin the eyes, and continued in Hebrew, "Shlomo, I know that it has been very difficult for Jews in Russia to study Torah, to celebrate the holidays, and sometimes, even to feel Jewish.

"But in the United States, England, Mexico, and Canada, and many other countries, it's much easier.

"That's one of the many reasons why it was important for you and your family to make aliyah." He just looked at me, and said in English, "Yes."

I have enjoyed the rewards of teaching for several years, but have been particularly touched by my Israeli students this year. They have learned from me, and I have learned from them.

From me, they have learned to connect to the rest of the world through the growing international language of English. From them, I have learned what it is like to come to a new country, my home.

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This piece originally appeared in the Los Angeles Jewish Journal (June 16, 1998) under the title "Building Bridges Through Teaching," when I was invited to be a guest columnist for the "Federation Matters" weekly column.