Shomron Hilltop Torched!

24 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Elnaqam, one of the hilltops adjacent to K'far Tapu'ah Hill was torched Sunday night, and the police aim to complete the pogrom:

Elnaqam 4: One year ago

Sunday night the Tapu'ah Response Team and volunteer fire dept woke up to a horrible fire on the Tapu'ah hilltop known as El Nakam-4. The last remaining tent that housed a Torah study-hall, dormitory and dining hall for the small unique canine yeshiva was torched at approximately 3:00 AM. Miraculously, no holy books were damaged and nobody was harmed in the fierce fire, which is believed to have been started by gas firebombs tossed lit into the tent.

Elnaqam 4: Yekutiel Ben-Ya'akov praying early Monday morning

Firefighters controlled the blaze by 4:00 AM and military trackers were unable to find conclusive signs or direction of the fleeing arsonists.

The entire hill has been slated for destruction by the IDF Central Commander Gad Shamni like most other "illegal" hills in Judea and Samaria. The police were scheduled to tear down the remaining tent at 6:00 AM and to seal the area off. The forty specially trained canines that were kept and/or trained on the hill were removed several weeks ago, after the Administrative Closure Order was leaked out early to the directors of the Canine Yeshiva program. Clearly, it was this horrible breach in security that enabled the terrorists to sneak on to the hill and carry out their attack.

Yekutiel Ben Yaakov, Director of the program said

"I wonder if Shamni will still send his troops to confiscate the ashes he has brought about of our once thriving hilltop. If it was not sad it would be comical. Our dogs and students have saved countless lives in Israel. We will continue to do so. How many Jews will Israeli leaders continue to sacrifice to appease the international community? How far will Shamni and Olmert go to strip Jews in Israel of any basic right or tool of self defense against pogroms like the ones we are seeing here in Israel these days?"

For more information call 054-4876709
(972-54-4876709 from outside of Israel)

E-mail: JewishLegion@aol.com
Donate online www.defendisrael.net

Or send a generous check now to help rebuild:

"Canine Yeshiva Academy"
P. O. Box 6592
Jerusalem Israel

Cross-posted on the B'nal Elim Blog

Facebook Halachah

24 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

1. It is imperative to update your status immediately after becoming engaged, getting married, divorced (lo aleinu), or adding children to your family.

Some poseqim hold that one must even update ones "married" status before entering the yihud room.

Others are more lenient, allowing for this to be done within 24 hours of the Qeddushin. The source in support of such leniency is invariably that "One who is engaged in a misswah is exempt from [another positive] misswah." However, practical considerations such as the hazaqah that the hall will not have Wi-Fi and that not everyone owns a laptop to schlep to his wedding, are also relevant to this opinion.

The rebuttal against such leniency stems from the understanding that of course updating ones Facebook status takes precedence over focusing on the details of the wedding itself. One should surely secure a hall with Wi-Fi, as well as a laptop if one does not own his own. TNSPR is of the opinion that this is not burden, as one can update ones Facebook status via text message.

All poseqim agree that this is one of the rare time-related, positive misswoth which are incumbent upon women.

One who is sitting shiva (lo aleinu) is exempt from updating ones status. However, a friend should offer to do it for the avel (mourner), so that others can be informed of the details and location of shiva.

2. One is obligated to make appropriate wall posts regarding the above events. One is exempt from birthday, wall posts. However, if one has less that 30 Facebook friends it will look suspicious if one does not make birthday, wall posts, in which case lack of time or too many friends cannot be used as excuses not to make birthday, wall posts.

3. If one has the "Top Friends" application, then one is required to make birthday, wall posts for top friends. Not doing so, is on the level of breaking a vow, as it is come to be a minhag for all Am Yisrael to monitor the birth dates of "Top Friends." One who is unable to take this upon himself, should remove the "Top Friends" application, until he has properly prepared himself for this obligation.

4. One must add the Dogbook or Catbook applications as soon as one obtains such a pet. Otherwise, each day which passes, the pet owner is mevatel a positive misswah.

5. Too many annoying applications on a friend's Facebook page are grounds for that friend's dismissal. Why? Da'as Torah!

6. Hafradah (separation) - All poseqim agree that married rabbeim may have female facebook friends if they are members of his community and/or in the name of qeruv. The agreement amongst poseqim stops here. This blogger will not get into this mahloqeth here, except to say that there have been many violent confrontations regarding the issue of opposite sex facebook friends, and that most of the confrontations have been started by those with opposite sex facebook friends against those who do not, and not the other way around.

7. Brooklyn Habiru reminds us that "poking" a member of the opposite sex on Facebook is out of the question, as this is considered negi'ah.


Too be continued...


Please leave your contributions to the open-source Facebook Halachah compilation in the comments section.


...and so that I am not transgressing the negative misswah of not placing a stumbling block before my fellow, this blog post IS indeed a joke.

Haveil Havalim #160 Is Up!

23 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Haveil Havalim #160 is up at Life In Israel. It's the "Waffles Edition."

Really, Rafi. Enough with the waffles already!

Shouldn't you humrah-addicted, qitniyoth-shunning bloggers be cleaning your blogs for Pesah already?

Kosher Cooking Carnival #28 Is Up - Dayenu Edition

18 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Check out the Dayenu Edition of the Kosher Cooking Carnival (#28) at Little Frumhouse on the Prairie. I am afraid that I am a week late in letting you about it. Please go check out the creative recipes and tips posted there. If you would like to contribute to next month's edition or host, use the handy contact information and on-line submission form.

If It Looks Like A Border Crossing....

17 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands."
-- Douglas Adams , The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Thus we can discern from this pattern of logic that if it looks like a border crossing, sounds like a border crossing, and feels like a border crossing, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have an opening in a wall, where individuals are stopped by guards and gates before passing between two areas of separately controlled pieces of land,...on our hands.

Hizmah Border Crossing, entering the Jerusalem neighborhood of Pisgat Ze'ev

Quite frankly, I am surprised that no one has written about this yet. Maybe, I just missed it. Bayta alludes to it here and here.

Ariel Sharon YSh"W kept saying, no, no, no, the "security barrier" is not a de facto border between Israel and [yet another] Arab [terrorist] state.

Liar!

C'mon. Did any of us really believe him? Well, obviously some of us did, as he was re-elected. Hey, even the leftists are against that stupid waste of space, and bazillions of sheqqels, ...albeit for sick and demented reasons.

Let's take a look at some of the clues that the so-called security barrier was always meant to be a de facto border, shall we?

Peres Insists Jerusalem's Jewish Sites Part of Israel

5 Marheshvan 5768/October 17, 2007

(IsraelNN.com) President Shimon Peres toured Tzfat Wednesday and vowed that the Jewish holy sites in Jerusalem must remain under our control." Concerning a division of the capital, he said that "currently we all want a unified Jerusalem."

However, he clouded his position by stating, "The only thing the State of Israel must ensure is a Jewish majority in Jerusalem." Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said in the Knesset this week, "Was it necessary to annex the Shuafat refugee camp, al-Sawahra, Walajeh and other villages and state that this is also Jerusalem?" All three neighborhoods are on the outskirts of Jerusalem and are outside the separate barrier.

Translation from Perespeak: It's all in how you define what "Jerusalem" means. (PM Olmert clears that up for us in the above, bold type.)

Yes, prime minister, thank you for clearing that up for us. We really ARE that stupid for you to pull this kind of fast one on us. (eyes rolling)

The next day....

Rice: 'Let's Be Real.There is a Security Problem'

6 Marheshvan 5768/October 18, 2007

"Let's be real. There is a security problem," she said. "No one wants to have barriers, but there is a security barrier there. We've been told many, many times and been assured that it's not a political barrier and it cannot be a political barrier."

"Told," the key word in her sentence is "told." Really. Do you believe everything you're told by the Israeli government? Do you think we believe everything you tell us?

Now, would you believe there are actually Torah observant, "Zionists" who actually agree with having a huge, ugly fence running through our country? At least one of them is a blogger, who shall remain nameless, ...for the time being. Needless to say, he and I live on different sides of said fence.

"It has been shown to save lives," he says. Has it? Better yet, does it matter?

Wait a minute. How long has there been a fence around Azza? How many lives has that fence saved?

Meanwhile, Condaleeza Rice obviously hasn't been in touch with Hayim Ramon lately, has she?

Ramon: Time for Compensation Plan

17 Adar 5768/February 23, 2008

...Keeping these 80,000 plus people in their homes “endangers the state of Israel as a Jewish and democratic state,” he said, adding "When a right-wing government headed by the Likud and Shas determined the route of the fence, it decided for all intents and purposes that everything beyond the fence will not be under Israel's sovereignty....”

Any questions?

Of Course You Know, This Means War!

Special 3rd Day of Purim for Walled Cities 5768

OK. This was the last straw. Rafi G. got his waffles personally delivered, as did Joe Settler.

I issued the following warning:

"Jameel? Jack? I know where the money's hidden; I know where the bodies are buried. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME!"

...but to no avail. My warning was not heeded. Thus I have no choice but to exact revenge.

I will now reveal Jameel's secret identity and location. Jameel is none other than... No, really! It's true, and I can prove it! First, notice the uncanny resemblance between these spy photos stolen from Joe and Rafi respectively, and Bugs Bunny's official face shot. (See how effectively the hat covers up his ears?) Second, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel Rashid is "5," and that of Bugs Bunny is "3." Both names contain 2 words. 2 plus 3 equals 5! The third bit of evidence comes from Bugs Bunny's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame." The star has 5 points, the gimatriah qetannah of Jameel's name. Fourthly, the star is located in Los Angeles, the location of Jack. Jack is in the "Valley" where North Hollywood is. The star is in Hollywood. See how the pieces of the puzzle are coming together? By extension, this had led me to the implication of The Holy Hyrax in the conspiracy. Why? He's an Angelino, just like Jack. I don't know how he's involved in the conspiracy, but I know he is. We San Diegans learn early on in life not to trust Angelinos.

But, I digress....

Jameel Rashid, or rather Bugs, lives in none other than K'far Shmaryahu, next door to Shulamit Eloni YSh"W, widely known for her wearing of a halter top through the streets of Me'ah Sha'arim, in order to "make a point." (eyes rolling) Apparently, Shulamit doesn't get any waffles either. Jameel, you are truly evil, denying a former minister in the Israeli government her waffles! Have you no shame?!

If you don't care about me and Shulamit, then at least think of Batya. She was very upset at not receiving her waffles. Gila and Baila didn't either. I'll bet you stopped by Treppenwitz, and even DHL'd waffles to Ezzie.

You know what, Jameel? I don't even want your stupid, lousy waffles anymore! I'll bet their awful! Don't even THINK of coming over to my house, even though you have been invited several times, to deliver me any waffles. I do not want them! (Let's see if the Paradoxical Injunction -- that's the misnomer of "reverse psychology" to you silly lay-people -- will work!)

I'll get that Jameel, one way or another!

Where Are My Waffles?! Haveil Havalim #159 Is Up.

Special 3rd Day of Purim for Walled Cities 5768

Haveil Havalim #159 is up at Jack's Place. It's the "Purim Is Over Edition." Don't worry. Several of us have already chastised him for forgetting that Purim is not yet over in Jerusalem, nor in Hevron, Shilo, Tiveria, and Tzfat, I think. This special situation of three days of Purim for "walled cities" and for cities which might have been walled during the time of Yehoshu'a Bin-Nun apparently won't happen again for another 15 years. Jack suggests that you check back periodically throughout the day, as this edition will be updated.

Oh, yeah, and don't expect any waffles. The waffle enticement is just scam!

Now, bloggers like Joe Settler are rubbing it in that "All bloggers are equal, just some bloggers get waffles, and others don't." (My word, not his)

Jameel? Jack? I know where the money's hidden; I know where the bodies are buried. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME!

Conversation With A Soldier

Mossa'ei Shabbath Qodesh Parshath Ssaw/Purim le'Muqafin 5768

Walking back from the Tapu'ah West and Elnaqam 4 Hills on Shabbath afternoon, I re-entered the fence surrounding K'far Tapu'ah (I hate that fence) to encounter a soldier's queries. After the requisite nodding of heads....

Soldier: Are you from here?

10ag (Me): (jokingly) No, I'm from Yassuf (a neighboring Ishma'elite village).

Soldier: (grin & holding a paper in his hand) Can I ask you something,...about where we are?

10ag: (a matter of fact-ly) Why? So, you can know from which town you're supposed to throw the residents out?

Soldier: No, so that I can know about the area where I'm guarding.

10ag: Why don't you ask your commander?

Soldier: I don't really appreciate you talking to me that way.

10ag: Look. I have nothing personal against you, at all. Ask me any other question, ANY other question, and I'll be happy to answer it.

Soldier: You have another reason not to have anything personal against me. I'm your neighbor. I live in the Shomron.

10ag: Yeshivah students from Qarnei Shomron participated in the expulsion from Amona. So that you live in the Shomron doesn't mean anything to me. (I start walking away again.)

Soldier: Well, do you know where (Arabic name) is?

10ag: I really don't have a clue.

After I walked down the security road, and up the hill into my backyard, I saw a former member of our town council and his kids walk up and start talking to this same soldier. So, I'm sure I will get chastised for exercising my right to free speech, and hurting the town's precious image. (eyes rolling)

Oh, I almost forgot. I do not have any such right. I live in Israel.

So, was I rude and unwelcoming to the soldier? I think not.

Years ago, there was man walking around a Jerusalem neighborhood, asking about a particular shi'ur (class) which was taking place in the area. The rabbi teaching this shi'ur got wind of this, and said it sounded like he might fit the profile of a Shabba"k (Israeli secret police) snooping around. He said not to say anything to him. It wasn't because he had anything to hide. He didn't. Rather, he said, "If he's too lazy to pick up the phone book, and look up my address, which is plainly there in black and white, by all means, do NOT help him do his job."

Sure, the soldier could probably find his way away the map he had with or without my help. But, the minute I started answering such questions, I would have risked getting pulled in, and then later, stuck, hemming and hawing about answering more pointed questions:

What exactly is that structure over there?

Who goes down there anyway?

Get my drift? By the way, the Elnaqam 4 Hill (see photo) received an evacuation order recently, as did the kennel which has housed guard dogs, which protect various towns in Yehudah and Shomron (Judea and Samaria). So, you can understand my hesitation to any inquiry from anyone about local geography, let alone a soldier.

Even more so, the self-defense program in K'far Tapu'ah has been canceled. We are now guarded solely by soldiers, as opposed to our own residents employed, or doing their reserve duty, to do so instead. We're not the only town which has this program canceled, due to "budgetary concerns." For the first time in Tapu'ah West's 10-year history, there are soldiers guarding hill, placed there by the Ravsha"tz (town security chief). Most of the residents do not want them there, perfectly capable of defending the hill themselves. Holes in the town's fence by the main entrance have been plugged up. Now, to leave the town on foot, you have to get the guard to open the main gate. There are only a couple of other ways to leave by foot (without climbing over the barbed wire), one of which takes you passed a small IDF base. Are they locking out the Arabs? Or are they locking us in? How convenient to have the soldiers here, already in place, when it comes time to expel us. May God forbid!

I had just left se'udath shlishith (the third meal of Shabbath) at Elnaqam 4, while a couple of soldiers were snooping around, on the pretext of taking a stroll. Funny. This is the first time in the year of the hill's existence as a residence that soldiers have come down for a stroll.

Who knows when the powers that be will actually have the order executed. Everyone knows that plans are in the works to expel more Jews from Yehudah and Shomron. The only questions remain are...

1. Will the government learn from its expulsion mistakes it made in Azza (Gaza)?

2. Will the government attempt to show any caring for the housing of those expelled?

3. How much blood will be spilled this time? (May God forbid!)

4. How will the government attempt to cover it up?

5. Or will they just try to demonize us, and get the world to root for "The Settlers Demise?"

...and most importantly...

6. How far will we let them go?

7. How far will YOU let them go?

Nope. No conspiracies here. Just some simple logic guided by the recent trail of events, with full knowledge of the current government's wishes. Here in K'far Tapu'ah we are all to familiar with destruction and expulsion....

Photo: Aftermath of the work of soldiers on the Tapu'ah West synagogue,...under IDF "rabbinic supervision," years before the destruction of synagogues and yeshivoth in Azza (Gush Qatif and surrounding area)

What Is Racism?

Erev Shabbath Qodesh Tzav/Purim 5768

Yekutiel Ben-Ya'akov stands convicted of "Incitement to Racism," and is expected to be sentenced on this coming Tuesday. Below is my translation of a poster (click image to enlarge) which can be seen around Israel, protesting the Israeli government's policies, which have failed to protect its citizens.

The Expulsion of Jews Is Not Racism

But...

To Suggest the Expulsion of Hostile Arabs Is Racism

Such is what the "religious" Judge Rivka Friedman-Feldman has ruled -

- in a ruling she gave against Yekutiel Ben-Ya'akov who was convicted of "Incitement to Racism," for arranging an independent, national referendum. In a referendum which was set up before the expulsion of Jews from Gaza ("Disengagement"), the Misha'lot Yisrael organization, under the authority of Yekutiel Ben-Ya'akov, offered two proposals tens of thousands of participants in the poll were asked to choose between "Sharon's Disengagement Plan," which meant the expulsion of thousands of Jews from their homes, and the "Jewish Disengagement Plan," to expel hostile Arabs, and to move them far away from the borders of the Land of Israel to prevent terrorist attacks and the shooting of Kassam rockets over Israel's cities.

Come protest against this injustice, on the day the judge is to pass sentence on Yekutiel. He can face up to five years imprisonment. Whoever supports such a ruling which even prohibits the mounting of a "survey," suggesting the removal of our enemies from Israel, an participant in any terror attack or Kassam that falls!

Dear Families in Mourning and People who dwell in Zion, We are sorry!

...but Judge Rivka Frienman-Feldman and her friends have decided: The need to protect the rights and sensitivities of Arab enemies overrides the right of our children to live!!!

The death sentence of the eight holy men and boys killed on Rosh Hodesh Adar Bet 5768 (March 7, 2008) at the Merkaz HaRav Yeshivah, was signed and sealed of by the ring of the "Ahashveroshes" and encouraged by the "Hamans" who sit in the Kenesset, and who interpret the law in the courthouses.

We are really sorry, but consolation is not at all relevant. written norms in the Kenesset and in the courts to continue to remain amongst us to butcher us and our children (May God have mercy on us!).

Whoever does not protest against this is complicit in murder, and will not be able to say that his hands have not spilled any of this blood.

Demonstration across from the Courthouse (Russian Compound, Jerusalem), Tuesday, 18 Adar Bet 5768 (March, 2008), 9:30 AM (the time of sentencing arguments)

Cross-posted on B'nai Elim

The Waffle Conspiracy

10 of the Thirteenth Month 5768

Jameel Rashid's waffle obsession is just out of control! Check out The Muqata, and see for yourself how many of his posts contain the word "waffles."

Hosts of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival were promised waffles for hosting.

I'll Call Baila did not get hers. Gila did not get hers ("Yo man....where's my waffles????"). Batya did not get hers("...And if you decide to deliver waffles to Yaaqov, then please bring some here, too. We're not that far away."). And, I did certainly did not get mine:

There is a vicious rumor going around that hosts automatically gain an invitation to a waffle breakfast at Jameel's place.

Jameel? Where are my waffles? Did Ill Call Baila get hers? Please make mine with spelt flour and without eggs. I'm on a diet. Also, please hold the vanilla, or any other spirit, called for in the recipe.

Until I see my waffles, I am afraid that this rumor cannot be confirmed.

Did anyone get their waffles? I think not. Unless, of course, there are some favorites of Jameel and Jack's inner circle.

I have received taunting and teasing, but NO waffles.

Yet, ALL of our inquiries into this waffle sham have been ignored, scoffed at, marked as "spam," or worse, treated as the ravings of a mad blogger.

NYA HA HA HA! can often be heard in the background of Jameel and Jack's podcasts.

NOW, they're changing the rules, and denying that they have changed the rules at that!

Jack wants to blame his words on how tired he is. Sorry, Jack. It's a no go. Being tired is NO excuse for aiding and abetting Jameel in his waffle scam.

Now it seems, they are trying to entice innocent by-standing blogs Treppenwitz and Serandez into the conspiratorial plotting and planning. But to what end?! What sick and demented goals can be achieved by cheating unsuspecting blog carnival hosts out of their waffles?

The following is a transcript of a secretly monitored e-conversation I had with Jameel and Jack, CC-ing Treppenwitz, as he had already been dragged into it somehow. I'm so traumatized by the experience, I have already blocked out the nature of his involvement.

10ag (Me):
Now, listen. This whole waffle thing is getting out of hand. NOW, it's "you COULD" win a waffle breakfast?

"Could" is a modal, indicating the lack 100% confidence that the speech will take place.

What's going on? You and Jameel just keep teasing and taunting me for your own sadistic pleasure.

I can't take it anymore!

Jameel:
You might already be the winner of a waffle breakfast!

Just ask Ed McMahon.

--Happy Adar,

Jameel @ The Muqata Waffle Hut

10ag:
No. There weren't any conditions on it before. You can't just go changing the rules.

That's OK. I get it.

I don't want your frickin' waffles anymore. Now that I have [even] a [minimum] wage job, I can afford to stay away from wheat, B"H.

No waffles for me, thank you very much!

They probably aren't any good anyway.

Just a bunch of hype.

Jameel:
A bunch of hype? You havent seen hype yet.

Just wait till purim...

(Sounds like a threat to me.... And just look at those blatant grammatical errors!)

10ag:
I keep a low key during Purim..... I don't even know where I'll be yet, Jerusalem, Tapu'ah West, or Elnaqam 4 (near K'far Tapu'ah), so that I can hear a proper Qeriyath Megillah from gvil, without stupid [originally Roman custom of] costumes and lots of noise, so that I can actually be yotzei mahahovah.

E-mail me when it's over.

Now what about that coffee? You've been hear longer than I have, so I expect you to reveal the best cup of coffee Jerusalem has to offer, now that the Internet Shtiebel and its $2,000 Italian machine have been shut down by the police (2006).

(Slight digression here....)

Jack:
(Classified)

10ag:
Harumpf!

They probably taste lousy anyway.

I believe I will be launching a waffle boycott shortly.

Better yet, how about a blog war? I've never had one of those before. Perfect for Purim.

Treppenwitz has yet to chime in,...probably a smart move on his part.

Now the entire J-Blogsphere knows the truth about why Soccer Dad gave up ownership of the Haveil Havalim Blog Carnival: Waffles.

He threatened to blow the whistle on your scam, didn't he? So, you pressured him. You got him addicted to waffles, then threatened to put the plug on his Baltimore connection if he talked.

Hey, Soccer Dad! You never DID get the Fox's Chocolate Syrup they promised you for your waffles, did you? How many waffles to do they string you along anyway? ...just barely enough to keep you alive? Such cruelty! Hang in there, Soccer Dad! I am sending help, even as I write....

OK, Jameel. Bring it on. I'm ready for you.

I can handle anything you can dish out: Maraschino Cherries (artificial color-free, of course), exploding whipped cream (Halav Yisra'el, of course), batter projectiles, and spatula catapults.

You are mine!